i suck at life

i was going to do a pathetic non-update update where i just write about how sorry i am that i haven't updated and i decided to look at my blog first and i realized that i haven't really updated since my mom visited!! and that was forever ago! so i'm going to update. it won't be as long as other have been, but i will share some things. and i just finished writing a lesson about effective sentences for my modern lit class and i'm cringing at my writing. oh well.

it's gotten out that i have a blog, and i'm really worried some of my students will find it and know WAY too much about me as a result, but i'm willing to take that chance. i'm banking on the fact that they'll either be too lazy to read all of it, or too stupid to keep it a secret that they've found it. someone will let it slip and then i'll have to go into the blog witness protection program and change my url and write all my entries in some kind of code. actually, any word over about six letters whould be code to them, so i'll just become very close with my thesarus.

here's how cool i am. it's about 9:30 on a sunday, and am i watching desperate housewives like the rest of america? no (i've never watched it. i didn't watch it the first time it was called peyton place either). i'm watching masterpiece theatre on pbs. it's the story of elizabeth I, one of my heroes. i would love to name my first daughter elizabeth, but it's such an overused name, and i want to avoid those as much as possible. i might try to figure out a way to name her elizabeth and call her "iza," but we'll see what my future husband (orlando bloom, michael vartan) has to say about that. i was just flipping channels when i saw that it was on and i was going to tape it, but i dont' know how to record anything with my vcr. we've had dvr at home for so long, and i use my vcr so rarely anyway that i just don't know how it works. sad.

oooh! tomorrow is oprah's 20th aniversary show, and i'm sad to say that i plan to make sure that i'm home in time to watch it. i think oprah infuses some sort of hypnosis into her shows to make you want to watch more, and to make you want to do as she says. why else would everyone in america go buy three books by william faulkner this past summer? it saddens me to know that oprah is the moral compass of at least 56% of the US, and if she ran for president, would win by a landslide. it saddens me even more to know that i would probably vote for her.

every so often, i read other people's blogs and i realize that i'm not quite doing it correctly. everyone else uses them as a place to write their thoughts and feelings, and i just tell dumb stories about my students. so then i start to think, "should i talk about my feelings more?" but then i realize that you all don't care about that, and i like the idea of my feelings being private (no offense to any of you), and you all have feelings of your own to worry about; you don't need mine heaped up on you too. and then i feel okay.

mary just died. God save the queen. (i'm talking about the movie right now, in case i lost anyone) "This is the worlk of the Lord, and it is marvelous in our eyes." i think my favorite thing about the whole bloody mary/elizabeth I thing is that mary thought she was preggers, but it turned out to be a tumor!! haha! take that mary. serves you right for burning protestants. i would mention something about karma here, but anyone who's ever taken a south asian history class with manu bagavan knows that we use karma incorrectly most of the time, and while i can't remember what it really is (it's in my notes somewhere, but i'm not about to pull them out for you all), i now that it's not how most american's use it.

i saw the new pride and prejudice friday night. i'm not going to write much about it because i don't want to preform any opinions for those who haven't seen it (i hate it when people do that to me), but suffice it to say that i was smilng and giggling like a schoolgirl with pigtails 95% of the time.

so yesterday i spent the whole day at six flags in california with my key club. it went well. i enjoyed the rides. both of them. that's right. i rode two rides all day. *sigh* the woes of a chaperone/advisor. they have this new roller coaster called "extreme" where the seats spin end-over-end as well as the coaster being all over the place (i realize that was a terrible explanation, but i can't describe it without the use of my hands), and we waited in line FOR FOUR HOURS! it was a good ride, but no three minutes can be worth four hours of waiting. (insert some comment about sex here. i don't have any, for reasons we're all well aware of) after that i had just enough time to spend $10 on some fast food chinese (10 dollars!!) and meet my kids at the exit. there was a minor catastrophe about some wristbands that we didn't get but were supposed to, but i wasn't there for that and the other chaperone got up in someone's face about it and it was taken care of. (i was off buying a corndog at the time. i don't think she knows that...) i'm glad she was there, because i wouldn't have had the fortitude to get as angry as she did.

i don't like the way they portray elizabeth here. she seems very bitter and snotty. i like to think that the real one was not quite so bitchy. she was more like kate blanchett's portrayal in Elizabeth. she had her moments, but over all she was quite a peach. i used to think that i liked queen victoria a lot, but after reading a bio of her this summer, i realize that she didn't do much for feminism. she really played up the "i'm a helpless woman. i need a man to do it for me." she let her husband run everything until he died, and only then did she start to take control.

so here's my latest tv greivance. (yep. my life's so empty that i'm concerned about this) so, alias used to be on tnt (channel 18) at 6pm, which filled quite nicely the slot between gilmore girls on abc family at 5 and csi on spike tv at 7. well now, tnt changed their line up and alias is on at 4pm, which is fine, but that's the same time as oprah on channel 14, which isn't big deal, because i dont' watch oprah every day, and i've seen every episode of the first three seasons of alias (i own them). usually i opt for alias anyway, because michael vartan is HOTTTTT. but now i don't have anything to watch at 6pm. i could watch friends at 6 and that 70's show at 6:30, but they're not as good. and we all know i'm not going to turn the tv off. it's my best friend.

i was supposed to grade this weekend. i didn't.

i'm gong apartment shopping with gwen next weekend. she's told me that if she has anything to say about it, i'll be moving to the southwest side close to she and sean. we'll see. i'm looking into finding a condo that the owner wants to rent, because sometimes their cheaper, and the furnishings (kitchen and bathroom stuf) are usually nicer. keep your fingers crossed for granite contertops!!

i got nothing else. i will try to update again later this week, but my modern lit students are turning in essays tomorrow, so i can't guarantee that i'll have time. plus, tomorrow i have book club and tuesday afternoon/evening i have new teacher training (aka new teacher torture) and i'm giving a test on wednesday (probably with no essay--they've already written one over the book. mrs. elkin and mrs. beck would appaled if they knew) so who knows. luckily the test is already written. i've used another teacher's quizzes and study guides throughout the book--why not use her test as well!? so, i'm going to watch the last hour of masterpiece theatre (no worries--the rest on next sunday night) and go to bed. or i might just go to bed. we'll see.

ps. no boyfriend yet. no prospects. the guy in my book group / small group from church who seemed like an option doesn't seem highly compatible so far. gwen agrees with me (she's in the same book club). also, he seems to be interested in another girl in the group. my single status is still intact!!!

i took the pictures of sophie down because i had to put her to sleep a week ago. she had parvo and it was going to require hospitalization (which was going to cost $1000) and even at that she only had a 50% chance of survival. i have a friend whose parents dog had that and they did the hospitalization thing and he died anyway. so that's that. i had her for a week.

and i'm pathetic for not upating for about two weeks and i'm going to, but not tonight, because i've been falling asleep since about 7:00 and was staying up in case a couple of phone calls came in. but now, it's to bed, and then i have friday off (huzzah!) and i can sleep in. and then i got to six flags with 30 high school students... i'm really afraid that we'll leave someone there. to bed. good night.

i think i may have become an adult...

...and here's why:

1. it's 9:15 on friday night, i haven't left my apartment since 4:30, and i have no plans of leaving this evening. since 6:30, i have been cleaning my apartment. on a friday night. young-type people don't do that.

2. it was recently my birthday, and when i got my birthday money from my parents, my first thought was "ooh! now i can buy a new vacuum!!" i didn't think about shoes, or dvd's (i download those anyway) or clothes or even books. my first thought was of a new vacuum. sad.

okay, so those are the only reasons, but i think they're weighty enough. i won't be updating until tuesday at the earliest (no guarantees) because MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT!!!!!! (i'm a little excited) she's coming in tomorrow morning, and then we get to spend all day with my key club students while they learn cheers for their fall rally in november. but, after that we have free tickets to go see mama mia at the mandalay bay, preceded by dinner (also free) at wolfgang puck's.

so tonight i had to do dishes IN MY BATHTUB because my kitchen sink has a leak, which i reported to the maintenence department on monday, and it hasn't yet been fixed. and that last sentence was a run on and i'm too lazy to try and fix it. i put a lot of the dishes in my dishwasher, but some of the bigger stuff (crock pot, mixing bowl, etc) i had to do by hand IN MY BATHTUB. seriously, how ghetto is that?? i can't wait until my lease is up in february.

well that's all i have. i just wanted to say something quickly, and now i'm going to go watch batman begins and probably fall asleep.

OH HELL NO!!!

here are some things that make me say "OH HELL NO!!!"

1. Oh hell no did Western Boone hire Rob Ramey as their new principal. ROB RAMEY!!! this was the man who taught me economics by showing the "mocha islands" videos (melons! get your fresh melons here!). i'm not sure he'd even TAKEN an econ course. i'm not joking. i can't put into words how terrible his class was. don't get me wrong: i liked it because it was easy and i got an A, but i didn't learn anything. i learned more about the economy from listening to my college roommate study for her exams. and some history lectures. call me crazy (you're crazy!) but i think that school administrators should have success as teachers before they are put in charge of the educations of several hundred students.

2. Oh hell no did i find a TROJAN MAGNUM CONDOM WRAPPER on my classroom floor today. it was empty. i did not touch it. i picked it up with another piece of paper and threw it away. then washed my hands. a surgeon's hands aren't that clean. ugh.

so here's a conversation that took place between me and one of my students today:

LIZA: "Miss nolan, do you want one of my school pictures?"
ME: "sure"
LIZA: "you could make a collage"
ME: "yep"
LIZA: "did you get school pictures"
ME: "yes"
LIZA: "can i have one? my dog needs a new chew toy"
ME: "but doesn't he already have your face? oh! i'm sorry! were you actually born that way?"
THE REST OF THE CLASS: "OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!"
LIZA: "(silence, crickets chirping)... i can't think of any thing! sydnee, help me think of a comeback..."
she never thought of one. ms. nolan - 1, liza - 0
o'doyle rules.

so i downloaded (stole) mel brooks' history of the world: part 1 and i was really excited about it because it was free and i'd never seen it. and then i couldn't open the file on my computer. stupid free/stolen movies. you just can't get quality files anymore. what do they expect me to do? go to the blockbuster half a block away and rent it? no way mister!!!

remember that one time i used to prepare for the next day and try to be a good teacher? yeah. those were the times...

today is thursday. THAT MEANS ALIAS IS ON! and i know that vaughn isn't dead. he just can't be. no one that attractive is allowed to die on tv. i know this is short, but i just can't think of anything else.

rain, rain, go away...

it has been raining for the last TWO DAYS!! i can't believe it. the funny thing is that my students were completely unable to deal with it. one girl was complaining about her jacket being wet and i asked her why she didn't bring an umbrella. her answer: "my sister has it." IT? i asked her if they just had one umbrella for her, her sister and her mom, and she said yes. i about crapped my pants. i have three. one lives in my car, one lives in my apartment, and one lives in my bag. it was funny at first, and then i got annoyed because it's just freaking rain!! the crazy thing is that the water doesn't go anywhere. at home, when it rains, the water gets absorbed into the ground and it's muddy, but the water doesn't stand. here, because the ground is so dense, the water has no place to go. there were HUGE puddles on the roads and stuff.

in-n-out burger. it's a phenomenon only found in this western area of the united states, and everyone raves about it. the food is delivered fresh daily i guess, so it's really good, and the fries are cut there on site, not frozen... the menu hasn't changed in decades... so i tried it. and the first time i was like, "eh. s'alright." i wasn't really all that crazy about it though, and i didn't think i'd eat there again. then today, driving home (i drave past one every day to and from work) i drove past it, and the craving for it was so intense i thought i might cry if i didn't get any. so i got some (not like that, dirty minds) and it was good. but i think i still like mcdonald's better, at least as far as the burgers go. i don't know if it's the sauce or the way the lettuce tasts, but i can't decide if i like it or not. for those of you (michelle and hannah) who were in france with me, it's kind of like Quick. you know it's going to be gross, but you have this need to eat there anyway. the gross statement, of course, excludes "les cheesy," the best things i've ever had in my mouth.

i think my students need xanax. seriously. they got really stressed out over my new classroom arrangement and trying to decide on their new seat. the poor little lost souls.

i found out the other day that one of my students' mom is the president of the excalibur. yeah. the casino. he drives a mercedes. his answer to the writing prompt of, "what do you sense you're supposed to do before your life is over?" was that he is supposed to be rich, and since his mom is the pres. of the excalibur he's got connections (and this is a direct quote), "every were on the strip." i wanted to smack him and tell him that connections don't do much if you CAN'T SPELL WHERE CORRECTLY!!!! i think i'm going to tell my modern lit class (of which he is a member) that they need to bring me starbuck's every day. i don't think they'd care. they kind of offered to before and it embarassed me so i brushed it off. but now the exhaustion is starting to override the embarassment.

that's pretty much all i got. ...and i'm spent. i went to borders today because educators got 25% off of regularly priced items and i bought two books, which just may cement my status as a complete and total loser (if it wasn't cemented already): A Brief History of the Kings and Queens of Britian, and The Wives of Henry VIII. I would have bought the unbrief version of the kings and queens, but it wasn't there. i've decided that i have an unhealthy and unnatural obsession with the tudor era of british history. if i ever get a third masters, it will be in british history. (the first two are going to be in urban education, because it's free, and linguistics/philology. i'm just going to get lots of masterses and never a phd because i'm terrified of writing a doctoral thesis. i saw my grandpa's once. it was bound and probably about 500 pages. plus i'm faily certain that while i'm a fairly smart woman, i'm not really smart enought to get a doctorate and they'll know that... you like how this is the longest parentheses ever??)

and that's really all i got. i'm going to say that i'm going to go grade some papers. but i'll probably watch CSI and fall asleep on my couch...

tyring to make up for the last one...

i should be making lesson plans right now, but i'm procrastinating (what a shock, right). i know yesterday's post will worry some of you, and i'm sorry for that, but i needed to put it somewhere and it felt more legitimate putting it out there for other people to find. i really am okay. i just get pensive sometimes and that often leads to melencholy or whatever. or maybe philosophizing is just depressing--that's probably it.

today i was watching the natural on american movie classics (another means of procrasination) and i half paid attention because i was dozing in and out and messing around on my computer, but i asked myself the following question: what is it that makes robert redford so attractive? i looked it up, and he was born in 1939. that makes him... 67 years old. and he's still really attractive. i mean, if i saw him at a bar or something and he hit on me, i'd give him my number. AND HE'S SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! i think it might be the smile. or maybe a combination of the smile and the voice... and the eyes. and the slightly mussed hair. i dont' know. but he's attractive. and maybe it's because of the age, not DESPITE the age? anyone have any ideas?

here is a confession: today i spent two hours of my life, two hours that i will never get back, watching the e! true hollywood story of the hilton sisters. why? you ask. not because there was nothing else on tv, because there was. and i have a faily hefty collection of movies i could have watched. but no. i watched the story of the hilton sisters. did i mention that i don't even LIKE the hilton sisters?

i really must go lesson plan. at least for this week. at least sketch it out on paper and then type them tomorrow or something. whatever. i am happy though. mostly. and its just that when i'm not, i dont' have someone here to go talk to about it and get my mind off it and get over it. i spend a lot of time alone (which is okay) and the thoughts tend to tumble around like a dryer and until i get them out somehow they get more and more macabre. so i had to put them somewhere to make them stop. and they did and i'm okay. :)
love you all,
sarah

this will be a long one. prepare yourselves.

WARNING: THE FIRST PORTION OF THIS BLOG IS NOT FUNNY. ITS MY OWN PSYCHOANALYTICAL RAMBLINGS AND IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO READ (LOTS OF RUN ONS) AND PROBABLY BORING FOR ALL THOSE INVOLVED (INCLUDING MYSELF). FEEL FREE TO SCROLL DOWN TO WHERE IT SAYS "HERE IS THE FUNNY PART.

"i'm under attack again my dear, i'm in the way
got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
and still if i yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?"

nostalgia is a funny thing. for me, at least. i've discovered that i have a tendency to feel nostalgia for things i never had. i realized this for the first time a few months ago when i got to thinking about the tv show "The Wonder Years" and i was missing that show. but i didn't know if i was missing the show because i liked the show or because it reminded me of my childhood. but did it remind me of my childhood because i watched it as a child or because it took place during kevin arnold's childhood? or was it making me miss a childhood in the 60's that i never had? why was a so melencholy when i was thinking about it? maybe melencholy isn't the word. then last night i went to see the movie elizabethtown with my friend gwen. the bulk of the movie is set in a small town in kentucky, which made me a little sad because it reminded me of home. there are lots of shots of driving and the roads looked like home a little. not totally because there were lots of trees and very few cornfields, but it was a helluva lot closer than the desert and mountains. and then there was this small town. and i started feeling nostalgic for my childhood and my small town. but the small town wasn't really anything like jamestown. there was a courthouse. it wasn't really like an of the small towns i know. it wasn't like lebanon, because it was too small, and too big to be jamestown. the closest small town that i can think of is streator, but anyone who knows me very well know that streator just confuses me most of the time, and that i rarely miss it when i'm not there, or when i am there for that matter. and this really distubs me. why am i nostalgic for things that never happened in my life? is that normal? it can't be normal. nostalgia has two meanings: 1) a bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations from the past, and 2) the condition of being homesick; homesickness. i think there is an implied idea that these were events that a person actually experienced. how can i be nostalgic for the 1960's of the wonder years when it's probalby not accurate, and i didn't live through it.

and here is my fear: that one day, everyone will realize that i'm just faking it all. the happy, the sad, the funny, the smart, the... i just feel like my whole life i've been pretending to be this one person and i've never taken the time to figure out if that's really who i am. and if it is who i really am, i'm kind of depressed, because it's not a very impressive being. i think the thing that really scares me is how successfully i have faked it. i faked high school and got a scholarship. then i faked all of college, got a degree, great recommendations, an outstanding future educator award, a second place sports feature award, a diplome with a little sticker that says "cum laude," and a good job. now i've got my job, my career that i faked myself into, and i'm getting praise, BUT I'M STILL FAKING IT. people are telling me i'm a good teacher, and my students are telling other teachers that they can't believe it's my first year and that i'm so smart and it's all fake. i stand up in front of my classes for 80 minutes three times a day and i don't have a clue what i'm talking about. i'm currently teaching the poem "the waste land" in my modern lit class and if it wasn't for sparknotes.com, i wouldn't have a clue what it's about.

i have a friend from college, and we made a marriage pact. if we're not married by the time we turn 26, we marry each other. actually, it's by the time i turn 26, because my birthday is earlier. and pretty soon i'm going to turn 26 (two years isn't THAT soon, i reailze) and i'm going to plan to marry him and he'll tell me that he was joking all along and he thought i was too, and he doesn't want to marry me "because i'm like a sister to him" or some bullshit like that and it will break my heart.

last night i went out to eat with gwen and we had a pretty hot waiter named jared (who reminded me of the tv show the pretender and i started wondering if it was still on tv) who smiled at me an awful lot and i should have left him my number, but i didn't because i'm a big chicken.

by monday i'll be embarrased hat i wrote all this stuff on here and you all could read it, and you'll all be angry because it's not funny (at least it's not supposed to be) and worried because i seem so sad and this will go down as a negative memory. but oh well.

and i hate when i get like this because it's so pointless. i don't solve anything and i feel pathetic for being so neurotic about things that just do not matter because i am so lucky and i have no room to complain about anything. i always think of that line from ever after where anjelica houston says "some people read because they cannot think for themselves" and i wonder if that's me? i don't like thinking. there are never any answers and i just end up thinking in circles (much like i'm doing now) and i never feel as though i'm thinking deeply enough (somewhere along the line i developed this idea that if i'm not entertaining an internal conversation worthy of descartes or socrates, i'm not good enough) and so i just go read someone else's thoughts on the situation. is that why i like to read so much? to escape my own brain and just piggyback on someone else? my whole life i've been standing on the shoulders of giants, and half the time i end up convincing people that i am really that tall. and so i focus on other people's thoughts. i've made plans to spend my life teaching young people about other people's thoughts.

i worry that i'm out of touch with my emotions. my grandmother died in may and i've still yet to cry a lot about it. the tears never come at an appropriate time. almost half a year later and i hven't cried yet? am i a robot? is that why i listen to emo? i can't find my own emotions so i live vicariously through someone else's and then i just feel more pathetic because my emotions aren't like that. so i watch a movie to feel better and feel worse because i'm not in love or because i'm not as perfect as the characters, even thought i know that NO ONE is as perfect as movie characters and i know that life isn't a movie, but i still just really want it to be. i'm stopping now. if i don't i'll end up lying on my couch for the next seven hours watching pride and prejudice and eating half-burnt microwave popcorn. and here's the reason i hate episodes like this the most: because i know that i could change it, if i wanted to but i'm too lazy or uninspired or something. in the end, it's all my fault, and i can't blame it on anything or anyone else, so i decide that insted of obsessing about it or trying to change it, i'll keep on faking it and burying my emotions and ignoring what the nostalgia means and be the same person everyone thinks i am, the person i've convinced myself that i am (most of the time) because it's easier and less painful.

HERE IS THE FUNNY PART

i have a kid in m modern lit class who looks like elijah wood. and i don't mean if you take off your glasses and glance up with your hair in your eyes he kind of resembles elijah wood if it's dark. the kid looks exactly like elijah wood. the first day he walked in i actually did at least a triple take and of course the first thought in my overactive imagination was "oh my gosh! elijah wood is researching a movie role and he's in my classroom!" but devon (the kid's name) is too tall to be elijah wood. he never says a word in my class. ever. i finally was talking to him the other day and i said i coudn't get over how much he looks like elijah wood. he said he hears it a lot and he used to have longer hair and he looked a lot like frodo. he hair is short and very black now. i told him not to worry if i star at him a lot in class, it's just because i can't get over the resemblance. i also told him i'm going to take a picture of him to show to everyone i know because i can't get over the resemblance.

i think a kid in my 8th period has a crush on me. the kids always tease him about flirting with me and the other day in class, another kid asked him when he was going to marry me. i pulled him aside after class and told him not to say anything about it anymore and he said okay, but i know i blushed about maroon when he said it in class. AWKWARD.one of my students told another teacher, who told me, that they can't believe it's my first year and i'm a really good teacher and i'm really smart, which made me feel good.

i made lunch yesterday for the whole english department (we take turns on fridays) and so i took a big crock pot of turkey vegetable soup and bread and two kinds of cookies and i have to say it was a huge hit. i am a rock star in my department. they love me, and i can't blame them. i have also recently discovered the joys of paying my bills online. SO MUCH EASIER.

the other day a kid in my class was wearing a shirt that said "define girlfriend" which would be funny if i was at a club and they guy was 25 and really hot. but when i'm in teacher mode and he's 17 and really spoiled it makes me think that i'll see him on the chanel 3 news for molesting drunk freshmen at a UNLV frat party.

here are some pictures from the last few weekends. most of the captions are messed up because it doesn't look the same when i'm composing it and i can't change it once i look at the preview... anyway, enjoy!!! (i promise, sometime i will clean my apartment and take pictures. but today is not that day.)

my big old face at the top of the rio. that's vegas behind me...


this is sean, gwen and i at the top of the rio. that's vegas behind us...











this is amanda, gwen and i at the top of the rio. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

this is the south part of the strip from the top of the rio.












this is the north part of the strip from the top of the rio

the venetian at night. the night i saw usher.

palo verde high school's football field with a view of the strip.


gwen and i at homecoming.



the flowers i got from mom, dad, jonathan, jennifer and the boys for my birthday.











these are some UGLY pelican statues that were on sale at marshall's. can you believe they wanted $40.00 dollars for them!!! $40.00???? for some pelicans?

argh!! sorry i haven't posted in forever, but this week has been stupid busy. i swear, who knew that adding another class to prepare for would be so much work! anyway, i will post soon, but not tonight because i have to grade tests and make lunch for the whole department tomorrow and bake some cookies and i think my chicken is burning. will post soon!!!! love you all!

sarah :)

i'm a blog slacker.

i would like to apologize for not posting since last week. i've been lazy. only excuse.

so last saturday night, i went out karaoke-ing with some people at the imperial palace, which is by far the divey-ist casino on the strip. of course, karaoke isn't really a "high class" pastime, so it was appropriate that the bar was was at that particular locale. i was going to sing, but by the time i'd figured out something to sing it was really late, and they wouldn't have called my name until really late and i didn't want to be there forever. we left around 2:00 or 2:30, pretty much after the security guards jumped this guy for an undetermined reason. it was crazy. all of a sudden there were 10 security guards and the next thing i knew the guy was on the floor and the manager was pushing our table out of the way (we were right next to the action) and this girl amanda that i met got hit in the head (i told her to sue the imperial palace and buy me a new car...but that might have been the beer talking). after all that happened, i decided that pancakes were necessary and there was a denny's right down the street.

we decided to go to the venetian to check it out before we went to denny's, because they're all kind of right together. at venetian, we went inside to check it out, and usher (THE usher) walked right past us! i was fairly unimpressed for a few reasons: 1) after working all summer at "the fancy hotel," walking past a celebrity doesn't make me crazy (unless it's orlando bloom, justin timberlake, etc)--i'd prefer to talk to them. 2) i was really more concerned with pancakes at denny's than pretty much anything else at the moment. 3) i'd developed a fairly severe case of ADD owing to exhaustion and alcohol. gwen (one of the people i was out with) had never seen a celebrity before and she decided that her life felt pretty unimpressive. there was a rumor that paris hilton was also in that particular club (the one usher was leaving) and there were crowds of people literally just hanging out outside the club with cameras waiting for someone famous to come out. i just wanted pancakes.

i told one of my key club students that i saw him (usher) and she asked why i didn't freak out and i kind of had to make something up about how i wasn't a very big fan or something, because i didn't want to say, "well ali, i was drunk, and only cared about denny's." that would not be good.

during my key club officer's meeting last week, my kids were looking through my ipod and told me that i was "hip" because i have cool music on my computer. i was happy.

key club was having a car wash yesterday, so i decided to make an appearance and decided that if i showed up with cookies, i would be the best club advisor ever. halfway through the cookies, i realized that i didn't have two ingredients, so i had to put the bowl in the fridge, take a shower, and run to walmart to make the rest of the cookies. they were a success, and i am now the coolest advisor at palo verde high school. yay me.

last night was the homecoming dance, and i went as a chaperone, so i did my hair all pretty-like and threw on a dress and scarf and was amazed that the dance. here are some things that shocked me:
1) a hummer limo in the parking lot. now, many of you know that i feel like the hummer limo is the white trash of the limo family--ostentatious, ridiculous, ugly.
2) BUSSES in the parking lot! some kids had rented a BUS. a FREAKING BUS!!
3) one of the students who was wearing a dress that literally looked like something julia roberts would have worn in the beginning of pretty woman--extremely short (i mean, a centimeter shorter and her ass would have been hanging out), VERY tight.
4) the shortness of the freshman boys
5) the freshman girls who looked older than me
6) the fact that one of my students said i looked "gorgeous." i mean, i did, but she didn't have to say that. :)
7) the searchlights that were in front of the school. i was following them looking for a new gas station and free hot dogs.

it was a good time. and my hair looked really good. i wanted to go out after, because i didn't want to waste my good hair and makeup, but i didn't have anyone to go out with. *tear*

i wore jeans to church today--it felt devious. i also wore a golf shirt, and yes friends, i did pop my collar.

yesterday at the car wash, sevral kids had slurpees and i decided to get one on the way home. i haven't had a slurpee in years and did you know they have a green apple flavor!! it's amazing! i think i might get another one today. addicive personality? perhaps.

breaking bonaduce makes me never want to get married. that probably means i should stop watching it, but unfortunately, it tv heroin and if i stop, i get dt's and will end up crying in the shower and i'd miss school tomorrow.

i think that's all i have for right now. i'll probably post some pictures later.

oh! one of the teachers in my department is married to a british man, and jokingly, i asked her if she could give me tips on how to marry a british man, because it is one of my goals in life, and she said there is an irish pub at the new york, new york where a lot of them hang out. i made a joke about marrying orlando bloom, and she said her husband is from near canterbury, where orlando bloom is from and her husband has friends who know him (orlando). so i figure we're practially engaged! i know someone who's husband knows someone who knows orlando bloom. i'm thinking next november for the wedding...

when harry met sally...

the other day i was thinking about the movie when harry met sally, and i came to a conclusion. i think that movie has deluded a generation of women (or at least just me) about falling in love. now, what i'm about to say may or may not be a) historyicallya accurate, or b) original, but i thought of it all by myself, and i'm pretty proud. it seems like when harry met sally is the archetype of this idea of "friends first" that seems to have captured the fantasies of a lot of women i know. we want to be friends with someone and watch it turn into love. my parents archetypical romance was "love story;" with all its tragedy, and falling in love at first sight. no one wants love at first sight anymore (or at least i don't). we want to meet someone, become friends, and then wake up one day and realize we're in love. think about it--a lot of our favorite couples fall under this pattern: harry and sally, ross and rachel, ... okay, i can't think of any others, but that's not the point! how many movies have you seen where the protagonist is running around looking for love, and then they realize that it's right under their nose? i don't want to go on a date wtih someone, i want to meet them somewhere and start talking and hang out a lot and then one day start referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. i don't know how many articles i've read in cosmo and glamour that talk about moving from friends to dating--should you do it, how you know you should do it, when to do it, how it might mess up the friendship... and maybe this is just me because i tend to live my life a little too much in fantasy and i'm too chicken to talk to a guy i find attractive if i don't already know him. but i blame it on when harry met sally. don't get me wrong--i love the fact that most people i know understand the importance of being friends with your significant other (i would say that being friends is the most important part--you'll be hanging out with that person a lot), but i guess for me, at least, it's created this fear that the only way to ensure that is to fall in love with someone i've already befriended. anyway. that's that. sorry its not so funny. or maybe it is.

my lips are very chapped. stupid non-humidity. i also think i may have to give up hope of ever wearing my hair curly, because when i try to, it looks like jack white hair and that's NOT the look i'm going for, interestingly enough.

i'm going to a greek food festival today. last night i told john that i was hoping to meet a hot greek guy who was not very hairy and didn't have greased back hair, and actually was really orlando bloom. here's hoping!!

i've decided that i have the most screwed up separation anxiety of anyone i know. i was thinking about the lord of the rings movies, and how the last one makes me so sad, and i stopped to think why it makes me sad. it's, for the most part, a happy ending--the good guys win, most everyone lives (except for gollom/smeagol who was beyond saving anyway) everyone who is supposed to finds love, and evil is vanquised. so why so sad? and i realized it was for two reasons: first, and selfishly, because the story was over, and i could only watch the same parts over and over again. the anticipation of wating for a new one to premere at christmastime was done and there was nothing new to wonder about. secondly, and somewhat more disturbingly, was because it meant the fellowship was going to split up and i was really sad for THEM. this is a problem because i'm not one of them so why do i care, and THEY'RE NOT REALY PEOPLE--IT'S A MADE UP STORY. I'M SITTING ON MY COUCH FEELING SORRY FOR MADE UP CHARACTERS. i tried not to think too much about that, because it means i really live my life too much in fantasy. but i realized that whenever i get separation anxiety, it's really just a knowledge, ahead of time, that the people i'm saying goodbye to are not important enough to keep in touch with. when i left college, i didn't have that, because i knew the friends i had made were ones that i would keep contact with. when i said goodbye to my family to move out here, i didn't have separation anxiety because i knew i'd see my family again. does that seem backwards to anyone but me?

i've been thinking a lot lately--two original thoughts in two days might be a new record. it just goes to show that i need to make some friends.

i want to date/marry someone who has an accent. or if not an accent, can speak a foreign language, but only certain ones. spanish and italian are okay, but not preferable. french is alright, but i can speak it, so that "what are you saying" factor is gone. celtic/gaelic would be awesome, or russian, mandarin, old english, middle english, africaans, dutch, any cyrrilic language (all the ones that sound a lot like russian), polish, finnish, austrian, czech/slovakian (the're really similar), or tagolog. portuguese would work only if spoken by a very attractive brazilian man. languages that don't do much for me would be japanese, actually any asian language except mandarin (this includes south asia), portugese (spoken by anyone but a brazilian man, swedish, norweigain, most african languages, german, or anything i haven't mentioned. prefered accents would be british, scottish, irish, australian/new zealandish(?), russian, brazilian, minnesotan, or swiss. the desirability of other accents would have to be determined on an individual basis. in case you were wondering.

i get to spend all of tomorrow morning in a parking lot with my key clubbers and a bunch of kiwanis (which in my mind screams "creepy old men! creepy old men!"). my kids are doing a parking lot sale--which means you pay for a space in a parking lot and sell stuff. sounds strange to me. it starts at 7:00 am. SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE FREAKING MORNING! ON A SUNDAY! i go to church on sundays, but not until 10:00. so i'm going to church tonight. after the greek food festival. sometime i need to do some grading and leson planning for the week. or i could just have my students do silent reading all day everyday while i sleep or read a book. oh wait...that's called subbing. shit.

okay, i need to go salvage what i can of my attempt at curly hair. stupid desert.

new season of america's next top model starts tonight!!!

yes, one of my guilty pleasers (there are many, unfortunately) is america's next top model. new season starts tonight. i'm kind of worried that i won't stay awake for it. mom, don't read this next part. my microwave is broken, and i don't feel like cooking, so i think dinner tonight will be reduced-fat wheat thins and perhaps a peanut butter sandwich. MOM YOU CAN READ NOW. i made instant pudding sunday night, and when i went to eat it today, i discovered that it was fozen. despair!!! i have to buy a new microwave sometime soon. i could cook everything on the stove or in the oven, but that's just way too much work.

open house is tomorrow. i'm terrified. if i'm lucky, i won't actually see many of the parents, which will be nice.

i found out on monday that i'm going to get a new class next week. in nevada, they do this thing called levelling, which means that about the third or fourth week of school, once everyone's schedule is mostly set, they look to see which classes are too full or too small and then combine the small ones and create new sections of the too big ones. my two remedial senior classes are both pretty small, so they're gonna combine them, and then i'll get another class. which is cool. here's the down side: the new class is a whole new course. i'm not getting another section of american lit, i'm getting a new class of modern lit. the teacher who has modern lit is going to get a section of honors freshmen, and i'm going to get her modern lit class. which means that i'll now have three classes to prepare for each week, instead of two. one more prep doesn't sound like a lot, but the modern lit class is pretty much all novels, so i'll have a lot of work to do. please start sympathizing now.

today i got a new student who was wearing a pink sweatsuit (that's right friends, a matching sweatshirt and sweatpants, in september, in the desert - the high was about 90 today) with the sweatpants tucked into two pair of slouch socks. one pair was pink, one was white and they were in the opposite order on each leg. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!! these children need to learn from my prepubescent fashion mistakes!

the other day i saw a girl wearing a shirt that said, "g is for gangsta." she was not gangsta. she was failry average, white, with blonde hair that had been pulled back into a ponytail while still wet. NOT GANGSTA. i really wanted to just tell her to stop.

here is a list of the sexiest moments in film:
1. movie: the lord of the rings, the two towers. the part when viggo mortensen (aragorn) comes into helms deep after they all think he's dead and his hair is all wet and dirty and he comes into the hall and his head is down.... yum.
2. movie: fight club. pretty much all of it, but especially the part when he comes to the bedroom door while having sex with helena bonham carter and he's all ripped...
3. movie: desperado. when salma hayek is trying to get him to "get nasty" with her and he resists for a moment and then kind of nods and says, "mhmm" and they, um, play a rousing game of gin rummy or something.
4. movie: ned kelly. when orlando bloom follows the banker's wife into her boudoir and she says she's heard rumors about him and all his women and he replies that they were just friends and she asks something about if they were ALL friends and he says, "i have a lot of friends,"or something like that...
5. movie: pirates of the caribbean. when johnny depp and orlando bloom are stealing the ship and orlando bloom notices that the redcoats are following them and johnny depp gives that little half smile.
6. movie: pride and prejudice. when colin firth gets out of the pond at his house and his shirt is all wet and sticking to him.
7. movie: love actually. when andrew lincoln (the guy that's in love with keira knightly) knocks on her door and holds up all those signs talking about how he loves her but he's okay and one of the signs says, "to me, you are perfect." *sigh*
8. movie: any one that heath ledger is in. pretty much whenever he smiles that cocky, crooked, "aren't i cute in my noncaring way?" smile.
9. movie: the fast and the furious. when vin diesel and michelle rodriguez are, um, "being intimate" in the garage while the fbi are arresting the chinese guys and he grabs her by the "backside" and picks her up and walks across the garage. anyone who has lived with me has probably seen that part more than once.
10. movie: gladiator. when russel crowe meets joaquim phoenix for the first time as a gladiator and he gives the whole spiel about "father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and i will have my revenge, in this life or the next."
11. movie: transporter (which i'm currently watching. it ranks over america's next top model). whever jason statham smiles. it's not really all that frequent. (for those of you following along at home, jason statham is the guy that plays handsome rob in the italian job. the new one.)

that's all i can think of right now. by brain is tired. if you have one you'd like to add, let me know. that dinner of wheat thins really wore me out. :) hope this is funny... (i don't think it is though)

it's been a while...

sorry about that. this past week was pretty tiring (stupid key club) and i just wasn't feeling particularly funny, and a non-funny blog just seems kind of pointless.

first of all, i would like to thank abc, nbc, cbs, fox, upn, the wb, tbs, wgn, f/x, mtv, mtv2, vh1, tnt, spike tv, abc family, and (for the hell of it) the home shopping network for giving me the saddest weekend ever. i'm feeling a little lonely this weekend, but it wasn't unbearable. i didn't consider throwing myself out of the window (i live on the first floor, so it wouldn't doo much good anyway) or anything, i just was missing home. so, of course, i turn to my favorite form of escapism, mediocre movies on basic cable. luckily for me, every channel except for freaking hgtv and animal planet decided to play every sad film they could think of. examples: a walk to remember, armageddon, stepmom, a britney/kevin: chaotic marathon on mtv (sad only because its so incredibly bad yet i can't ever seem to turn it off when it's on), and a dancing with the stars marathon on abc family (sad because no one needs to see that much joey macintyre in one day after 1993). by saturday afternoon, i decided that i didn't need tv when i had a fairly substantial collection of movies, many of which i'd never watched. so what did i choose? not something happy like 10 things i hate about you, or pride and prejudice; not a mindless action movie (i even have a rented copy of james bond: goldeneye on my tv); not even an episode of jem (yes, i do own seasons one and two) or alias. no. what did i watch. finding neverland. and what happened? i cried. a lot. i'm sad, and the only thing on tv are sad movies, so what do i watch? one of my sad movies. stupid negative emotions.

so now, in the spirit of surrounding myself with humor while i write my blog, i'm watching 8 mile. hilarity. i'm screwed up.

this evening i decided to get chinese take out for dinner. i went to a place down the street and got some sesame chicken, about which i was VERY excited, but, unfortunately, it wasn't very good. i was expecting wok 'n' roll (my favorite chinese takeout place in chicago) quality, and it just wasn't there. disappointment.

a few weeks ago, i went shopping at the outlet mall and a got a new sweater at ann taylor. i was very excited about said sweater because a) it was really cute, b) it matched a skirt that i bought this summer and hadn't found anything to match, and c) it was from ann taylor and only $25.00 (plus 10% off because i opened up a charge account). i wore it to school on thursday with said skirt and was very excited, because it looked really cute together. halfway through the second period of the day, one of my students said to me, "miss nolan, did you know that there is a rip in you sweater?" the shoulder seam had ripped out of the back of my left shoulder. and i don't mean a little hole, i mean SIX INCHES of the back of my shoulder was hanging out. one of my other students yells out, "i saw the tear, but i thought it was supposed to be like that." this scared me for a couple of reasons: 1) it means that ripped clothing is becoming so common that my students see nothing wrong with it (i'm having flashbacks of the breakfast club and sixteen candles as i type this), and 2) they really thought i would try to be that trendy while teaching.

here are some things i'm not okay with:

1) teva sandles. i'm pretty sure they are only acceptable while doing the following activities: white water rafting, kyaking, canoeing, some type of river/creek hiking, and under special circumstances, mowing the lawn. they are not acceptable while doing the following activities: anything else. i saw someone wearing them shopping today. and here's the best part: it was a woman wearing them, and she was wearing all designer clothes.
2. a woman wearing a white tanktop, a black baseball cap (backwards and sideways), and brown warm up pants that had a patch of a moose or elk or something right in the middle of her ass crack. scraggly hair. i wanted to smack her and say, "okay, first of all, you're not a celebrity, so stop trying to be famous-chic. second, brown and black do not, under any circumstances, match, and three, WASH YOUR HAIR!!! this girl was white. her hair could handle being washed every day.
3. i saw a woman today wearing a tank top which was stretched very tightly across her (obviously fake) breasts upon which was written the word, "suger." yes, suger. IF THE WORD IS SPELLED INCORRECTLY, DO NOT BUY THE GARMENT. this is just a rule of thumb.
4. the fact that my right eye has been twitching all day. for the past five hours or so. unacceptable.

anyway. this is going to be lengthy, because i'm very tired and i know that if i sit down to watch tv, i'll fall asleep, wake up at 8:30, and won't be able to go to bed a a decent time.

i have open house on thursday, which means that i have to fill 10 minutes in front of the parents six times. and i have to find my most adult, professional, "i'm a teacher" outfit i have. it doesn't help that i'm only about 5 years older than most of my students. eep!

i might have talked about this before, but i'm going to again. there is a wal-mart grocery store a block from my house. it's great. it's cheap, has lots of variety, and a store brand for just about everything in the store. but there are picketers on the sidewalk in front of the store every day with signs about how wal-mart doesn't pay fair wages and whatnot...they don't bother anyone going into the store, but they're always there. so now i have a huge guilt issue with shopping at wal-mart and feel like i need to apologize to the picketers everytime i go in there to buy things. but it's so cheap! and it's wal-mart, so it's comforting to go in there. and it's really cheap.

today, i was loading my groceries into my car in the wal-mart market parking lot and this guy comes up to me asking if i can help him, he lost his credit card, and he tried calling his mom, and he's locked out of his car, and he lives on jones and tropicana (not really anywhere near the store--close to the south end of the strip, at least 30 blocks away), etc. i told him i was sorry i couldn't help him, even though i wasn't really sure what he wanted. i think he wanted a ride to his house, and i wasn't about to let a stranger in my car, especially when he didn't know the secret word my parents and i had come up with when i was five (i think it was dorkbreath? mom, dad, let me know). he just said thanks anyway and walked away, and then i felt bad, because i'm a little too midwestern for my own good, and today at church they talked about helping people, and doing good deeds and going the extra mile, and a life of service. i realized i could have let him use my phone, but i was too scared that he would kidnap me and rape me and bury me in the desert and then steal my car (which is far from being paid off) and then i'd never get to make cookies on my new cookie sheet, and i'd rather meet nick stokes while i'm still breathing thanks. and he said he'd been waiting for an hour, but he had a fairly fresh cigarette in his hand. i hope he's okay. so i did the smart thing, and i'm still alive. on the downside, i haven't met nick stokes. oh well.

so, this week i accidentally drew a penis on the board. i was talking about columbus and trade routes and how the europeans used to go around africa to get to asia, so i was drawing a nonmap on the board, and i just drew a little half circle for europe and asia, and a longer, narrow, rounded area for africa. i noticed that my students were giggling and when i looked back at the board, i realized it looked like a penis and two testicles. it's amazing how i can keep a straight face at anything when i'm teaching. i'm giggling as i write this, but that day, i was just like, "guys, let's not be 12, okay?" and i erased it nonchalontly as i talked, but the damage was done, i think. it was embarrasing. a few days later, they giggled at the word seamen in one of our stories. i probably would have too if i wasn't pretending to be the adult in the room.

my key club kids crack me up. they're all from summerlin (a pretty wealthy area), mostly honor students, and mostly asian, yet they all think they're gangster, and then they laugh when i tell them they're not gangsta, because i say gangsta, like one should. one girl told me she's a baller. i said no. they crack me up. they're all wearing hollister and tommy hilfiger and chuck taylor's, while acting like they're rap stars. they're so cute. they think it's cool that i have my nose pierced.

today while i was picking out bananas at wal-mart, i passed three old ladies, one of whom was wearing the perfume youth dew by estee lauder. now, if you smelled youth dew at the estee lauder counter at macy's, you'd probably make a face and make a comment that it smells like old woman, which it does, but it's the perfume my grandmother, who died in may, wore everyday of my life. that smell will always remind me of her. it was her smell. i teared up and got all frowny in the produce section of wal-mart, much like i'm doing right now.

i don't know if i've written about this before, but there's a casino called the rio on the strip here in vegas. there was a cartoon in the 80's called jem and the holograms, about this rock group whose lead singer was a hologram. there was big hair, lots of neon, and some reallybad make-up. the songs were even worse. jem had a boyfriend. he had a purple mullet. his name was rio. therefore, when i see the rio, i don't think of carnivale, or brazil, or sexiness, or anything of the like. i think of the cartoon character with the purple mullett. i just can't take that place seriously. the fact that the outside of it is pink, purple, and aqua doesn't help the 80's association.

here's a brief list of the things sitting on my desk:

1. speakers
2. a super big gulp from seven eleven.
3. a swiss army knife.
4. my old cheks.
5. the pink cover for my ipod, which is locked in a file cabinet at work.
6. a pen holder (holding a magic marker, a pair of scissors, a sharpie, a mechanical pencil, and an unsharpened pencil from AAA.
7. two cd's with very bad bootlegs of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Bewitched.
8. a receipt from taco bell.
9. two big, sparkly clothespins that i need to take to work, but haven't yet because i'm a lazy piece of flesh.
10. a blue ink pen.
11. my graphing calculator whose graphing funcions i've never used because i don't know how.
12. my pencil case from france, full of colored pens that i bought in france to write letters to people, none of which i ever wrote.
13. the form from my tuberculosis test that was over a month ago.
14. three packets of ketchup from mcdonald's
15. headphones.
16. a candle holder which has in it another pair of headphones and a hairpin with a puple sparkly flower that i've worn exactly twice.
17. the phone number for a police officer here in town.
18. the phone number for a woman that works at the hotel where we stayed when i moved out here.
19. the change of address packet from the post office that i forgot to fill out, so my parents filled one out for me and i haven't walked the 10 steps to the trash can to throw this one away.
20. mousepad, for a fiber optic mouse that doesn't need a mousepad.
21. mouse.
22. keyboard.
23. a beck's glass i stole from a bar in indy somewhere that now houses my change.

as you can tell, it's a very productive workspace.

well, i feel that this is sufficiently long and pointless, so i'm going to stop writing. i think i had some more funny stories, but i can't remember them. i'm too distracted by my eye constantly twitching. stupid eye.

oh hell no...

this one is going to be quick, because i'm tired and its only tuesday. and tomorrow i have to go to a district key club meeting at 5pm. 5pm!! that's smack dab in the middle of my evening. and tonight i had to go to new teacher training (read: new teacher torture) for three hours, which meant i didn't get home until 8pm, which is really late when one goes to bed at 9pm. as you can see, it's currently 9:16 pm and i'm still up. i'm a wild one.

so here's the reason for the "oh hell no." in the past three school days (friday, monday, tuesday) i have seen three separate occurances of SLOUCH SOCKS! serously!? slouch socks? friday, it was a male student who was wearing red slouch socks with red basketball shorts and hi-top sneakers. what? monday it was a female student wearing a jean skirt with not one, but two pairs of slouch socks, one pink and one yellow--and they were in the opposite order on each leg, a la 1990. today, it was another female student with her jeans tucked into her white slouch socks. OH HELL NO are slouch socks back in style. i understand that retro is in and all, but the early 90's?? just because it's old doesn't mean it's okay to rerun.

friday i was walking around my classroom while my students worked in groups and i was looking at their belongings (snooping) and noticed that one girls binder was like this: a picture of she and her friends with something about "BFF" and the following phrase: "Best friends forever. Roll together, live together, shop together, die together." DIE TOGETHER?? they're a bunch of spoiled white girls, not tupac!!!!

i saw a girl in the hallway today wearing a cute little outfit that consisted of jeans, a little pink shirt and these adorable pink pointy-toed pumps. here's the funny part--she obviously couldn't walk in the shoes. i wanted to pull her aside and say, "listen, the key is practice. and if your feet hurt, don't let it show. just keep walking like those are the most comfortable shoes you've ever had on your feet." if i learned nothing else from chelsea hampton, it was that i wear my shoes. they don't wear me.

i really want a milkshake. good things it's bed time soon.

just to prove that i really do have a job

i took pictures of my classroom today--pics of the apartment to follow later this weekend. i promise i'll write a real post tomorrow. i'm just too lazy today.

***when i got home from work, the temp was only at 89.9 degrees. now it's 82. i'm seriously planning on taking a jacket to the football game.

the view of my classroom from the door. this is what my students see as they enter my classroom each day. i'm sure it brings warm fuzzies to their cold, underused hearts. i would like to point out that, unlike my high school and college experiences, the desks are built for both right- and left-handed students. thankyouverymuch.

my back wall, covered in student work. my student aide put them up for me. i'm not sure she has an eye for decorating.

my whiteboard. this was on it when i got the room, so i kept it. i can write my objectives, the activities for the day, and the little bastards' homework up there each day. because i'm a teacher. here's the good thing about whiteboards: no embarrassing, accidental chalk handprints on one's arse. anyone from webo who remembers mrs. harris will understand what i mean.

my name. on the board. in my classroom.

MY DESK!!! you can tell this was taken at the beginning or end of the day, because it's never that clean during school. i make sure to clean it off every night before i go home though. i'm really really trying to be organized (mom, i know you're proud).

this is my art work from in class last week. i may have missed my calling. you can tell it'e me because of the red mohawk.

these are all the accoutrements of my classroom: wardrobe, filing cabinets, bookshelves, extra table, tv. the wardrobe is empty except for a few extra boxes of kleenex, a long sleeved shirt in case i get cold (old habits die hard), and my purse during the day. the dark cabinet is all key club stuff and needs to be cleaned out in the worst way imaginable. the boxes are extra books that i have yet to put on my shelves. i think i'm going to be rearranging my room soon, so that stuff will be fun to move.

this is my sad, sad attempt at a bulletin board. they're all fun facts and i have pictures to accompany, but i haven't gotten around to buying colored ink, even though i drive past an office depot AND an office max each day. who's lazy? i think we all understand now why i'm not an elementary school teacher.

this is the picture i was talking about yesterday. at the top it definitely says "be yourself." and the bags around the girl definitely all say "gap." this is why i love teenagers.

my teacher trays!! one for each class period, one to pick up make-up work, one to turn in make-up work, on to turn in late work, and one for questions or comments. that last one hasn't been used yet, sadly.

these are the posters i bought at learning is fun--they were the only posters that would possibly work with upper-level students. another new teacher down the hall has the same set. that's student work all around them (which is good, because that wall was big, white, and terrible before that). i know that harry wong, fred jones, and heather schilling are all proud of me.

this is the view from the back. notice how the desks are in boring rows (i'm working on changing that) and the overhead is randomly stuck in the middle of the desks. anyone else reminded of webo?

stupid spam

okay, just so you know: from now on when you comment (and comment you will) on my blog, you have to type in a word that you'll see on the screen because i've started getting spam comments (see the first two under the posting "lies! its all lies!"). i'm sorry for the extra step, because i know it's annoying, but so is spam.

i realized (thanks Heidi) that many of you may not know my address. i was going to post it on my blog, and then the safety part of my brain told me that might not be the best idea ever, so if you would like my address, let me know and i'll send it to you. please send me lots of stuff. good things to send include but are not limited to: money, flowers, new cars, a robot to cleam my house, a robot to grade papers, lots of movies, a personal trainer, and a naked orlando bloom. (a naked vin diesel would suffice if orlando bloom is otherwise unavailable).

last week, i had my students read the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann in class (thanks Ms. Sharpe), and then afterwards, they drew a picture of their favorite image from the poem. some of them were crap (mine) but some were actually really good. there was one which illustrated the quote "gracefully surrendering the things of youth" and had a hand pushing a way a box of kid's toys: crayons, a teddy bear, etc. but here's the one that absolutely cracked me up: one of the lines from the poem is "be yourself." several students illustrated this rather well. one girl, however, did not. she drew a picture of someone standing outside of the mall surrounded by Gap bags. i almost laughed out loud when i saw it. "Be yourself, but only as long as you can do so while wearning name-brand clothing. aren't high schoolers grand?

it's still strange to hear myself called "ms. nolan." i should be used to it by now, but i'm just not. more often than not, i want to giggle when someone says that, but i usually hold myself in check. even funnier is when i get called mrs. nolan. just checking--did i get married recently to someone in my family? i didn't think so. good.

someone was really thinking when they designed palo verder high school. each department has its own lounge. within said lounge (at least in ours) is an office for the department chair, tables, a fridge and microwave, couches, two copy machines, water fountians, a sink, two bathrooms, and the bookroom. it's amazing!!

so anyway, today we were sitting in the workroom (why we call it that instead of the lounge i can't say) eating lunch and the creative writing teacher was saying that she heard a rumor that someone was complaining because "all they do is write in that class!" we all thought it was hysterical (english teacher humor) and she said she was going to make an announcement about it during class. upon hearing this, i (always ready with the witty retort) replied by saying, "tell them that it's not called 'creative discussion' for a reason," after which everyone begain offering other possible class names (including but not limited to: creative sleeping, creative staring out the window, etc.)

i took an IQ test this weekend (the internet really takes my procrastination to a whole new level) and i discovered that i'm not the mensa candidate i always hoped i was. *sigh* and here i thought i just wasn't living up to my potential all these years. some of those questions are wikked hard too! those of you who know me (and if you don't know me, why are you reading my blog you freak!) won't be surprised to find out that i had the most trouble with the spatial reasoning questions. this did not come as a shock to me, as i have no spatial reasoning skills (you should see me try and arrange furniture--what a disaster). i did do well on the verbal reasoning, and was linked to the likes of plato and...some other people. for the low low price of $9.95, i could have gotten a complete breakdown of my scores, but i decided not to.

i had the worst frappacino ever today. my blended coffee drink was not quite as blended as one might hope. jerks.

there are picketers in front of the walmart grocery store (i know, right?) in my neighborhood and i feel guilty every time i go in there to shop, because i know that the walmart corporation is a greedy, selfish, uncaring business, but it's so cheap!!! and i know that they achieve those low prices by not paying their employees enough, BUT IT'S SO CHEAP!!! stupid guilt.

i found out something not-so-fun today: there is a new teacher training (or new teacher torture, as one of the administrators calls it) on saturday october 8. now thursday, october 6 is my birthday (shameless birthday plug), which means that i can't go out on my birthday because it's a school night. but, i can't go out on friday night because i have to get up early to go to the training. and it lasts all day--9:00 am to 3:30 pm. and i can't go out saturday night because sunday is church... maybe i'll go to saturday night church. but still, they've ruined my birthday weekend. stupid ccsd.

i should go now. i have a whole heap o' grading to do tonight.

lies! it's all lies!

i'm watching TV as i write this (gilmore girls, to be exact) and a hamburger helper commercial came on. i wasn't really paying attention until the commercial proceeded to call its product "hearty and home cooked." now, i'm not julia child, and i understand that, but hearty?! hamburger helper?! and i'm pretty sure that calling it "home cooked" is a fairly huge stretch. browning hamburger and adding water and noodles does not count as home cooked. now, if the perso had made the noodles and sauce from scratch, then we'd talk. and if by hearty they mean "greasy, starchy, and completely devoid of any vegetables," i guess that's pretty accurate.

here's a fun story. last week, one of my students informed me that the previous evening, one of the teachers/coaches at Palo Verde H.S. had been arrested. turns out, one of the new teachers (paul buboltz from MN) was arrested for manslauter!!! i guess he'd worked at as a bouncer at a bar in wisconsin this past summer and while trying to detain a rowdy 'un, had accidentally killed the guy. here's the thing though, the people in wisconsin didn't press charges until last week, which is why he got hired (the school district does about a million background checks on new hires). once they found him, they came out here and arrested him.

today one of my students was complaining because his desk has a big chunk missing out of the corner. in my always kind, loving, and understanding way, i told him to get over it and stop complaining. he muttered something about "living in summerlin (one of the richest parts of vegas) and couldn't they afford a new desk" so i told him if he had that much money lying around he could just buy a new one himself. i don't think he appreciated that...

i didn't sleep well last night. nerves. today was my first day of real teaching. last week was pretend teaching--going over rules and course expectations, pretesting, etc. today was the first day i actually taught a lesson on the curriculum. it went alright i think. but this might not be making the most sense in the world, so if that's the case, blame it on the tiredness. the hamburger helper commercial was on again a minute ago.

gilmore girls is an amazing show. i wish i'd watched it from the beginning. now i catch it haphazardly in syndication on abc family. i wore heels today. not my best idea ever.

so. yeah. i have to go grade essays. i think i'll waste some more time watching tv before i start on those. might as well put them off as long as possible.

three days down, 186 to go

i have successfully made it through my first three days of school. i went through my syllabus and classroom rules, etc, and by the end of it, i'm pretty sure all my classes thought iwas the she-bitch from hell, which made me happier than it probably should have... after that we did an activity with the poem "Desiderata," which is a really positive-type of message. i was afraid all the students would be too cool for it and would boo boo all over it, but it went over fairly well for the most part. it bombed pretty hard with my sixth period class, which is my remedial class, so i guess we'll be working on poetry quite a bit in there. i think it's a pretty straightforward poem, but most of them jsut didn't get it. i'm a little concerned about that, because it means we have a lot of work to do to get them ready for their proficiency exam. i'm doing practice exams in all my classes for the next two days, which means that i'll have two days to plan and do some grading, but then i'll have a whole bunch of essays to grade over my three-day weekend. interestingly enough, that doesn't really make me want to jump for joy.

i'm hoping i can get down to the strip or freemont this weekend since i don't have school on monday. there are a couple of other new teachers at my school, and i might see if they want to go with me. they've both been down there, but hopefully they'll want to go again. the less exciting part is that they're both guys and one is married while the other has a girlfriend here in vegas, so it would be third-wheelville for sarah. if anyone is free this weekend and would like to fly to vegas and see me, i wouldn't shoot the idea down. i'm wanting to join a church pretty soon to meet some other people there.

i've already made $.75 in my swear jar. here's the thing that just cracks me up: when they swear and i tell them to give me a quarter, they do it. no arguments, no questions asked, no surprise or distain. they just reach in their pocket and give it up. or they ask the person next to them. and when i see their phones (which are verboten in my classroom) and ask for them, they just give it to me. in chicago i had the same method for dealing with those two problems and it was always a battle to get a cell phone or a quarter. these kids obey so well. they've definately been brainwashed.

my department chair has a sign hanging on his dry-erase board with a picture of christopher walken that says "christopher walken for president." anyone who knows me very well knows that i think christopher walken is the scariest man alive (followed by jack nicholson at a close second) and the thought of christopher walken as president could possibly give me night terrors. HE'S TERRIFYING.

my eighth period class thinks i am hysterical. they laugh at every lame joke i come up with. it could be that they're just a really easy crowd to please. or it could be that by the time i get to their lesson, i've done it seven times before that and my jokes are really solid. i think we all know that the former reason is more likely.

there are three girls in my seventh period who laugh at me. this doesn't upset me, because i can buy alcohol and get into casinos, and they are basically on the fast track to waking up next to a stranger after a frat party their first week of college, but they annoying thing is that they hold up their binders and laugh behind them like that stops the sound. i really just want to look at them one day and say, " you realize that i can still hear you right? i don't care if you think i'm stupid? and you all have the exact same haircut and wardrobe? seriously, if you're going to laugh at me, wait until after class and do it in the hallway so it doesn't interrupt my class." of course, if they complain to their parents, that might get me in trouble...

it's supposed to cool off this weekend and get down to 96 degrees by labor day.

anyone know what happens on labor day??? the CSI week-long marathon begins! that's right my friends, for the whole week after labor day, spike tv shows nothing but CSI for seven days. it is a great country we live in.

dishwashers are the best thing ever invented.

bright lights, big headache

so friday night i went to the first football game of the season for the palo verde panthers (which they won) and here are some things that i found strange: first of all, the cheerleaders all stood on these little platform things for their cheers. at first i thought that the PV cheerleaders just had an ego issue and wanted to be taller; but then i saw that the other team's cheerleaders had them too. the game was...well honestly i didn't watch any of the game, but i did talk to another new teacher from Michigan named Shawn and his wife Gwen, who was really nice. the football field at my school is on a hill, so it's higher than the school. after the game, we decided to go up on top of the press box to see what kind of view was offered. well, we got up there and the view was AMAZING!! we could see all the way to the strip, and since the entire city is in a valley, we could see pretty much all of it. i wish i had taken my camera with me, because it was absolutely gorgeous. we stayed up there for a while, talking, and then another teacher, who also coaches cross country had someone turn all the stadum lights off and we could see even more. i'm running out of adjectives, but it was brilliant. i could have stayed up there for another three hours just staring.

today was my first day of school. i was worried that i wouldn't sleep well last night, and i actually slept great, which was nice, though confusing. today went alright. since it was the first day of school, i knew i had a lot of administrative things to do, and i only saw each period for 30 minutes because we're usually on a block schedule, but today we saw all our classes. i thougtht the other stuff would take most of the period, and then i would spend a few minutes talking to them and then send them on their merry way. lucky for me (sarcasm) the first day stuff only took about 10 minutes, so i had to fill 20 minutes of each of my classes. in the classes that actually would talk to me and ask questions, that was fine, but there were a few where they just sat and stared at me, making me feel very foolish.

it got up to 111 degrees yesterday. just in case you were wondering.

so, now i have quite the large headache, which dr. sarah decided to remedy with ice cream, seeing as it IS the miracle drug. i guess that's about it. i know i should write more, but my head hurts and i really should work on some stuff for school tomorrow (just a few things--i'm mostly prepared, honest). right now i'm just hoping that the stuff i sent to the copy center last week will be done by tomorrow, or i'll have another 30 minutes to fill (which is slightly less than fun). i kind of need to think of something else to have as a back up plan for tomorrow in case we get done sooner than i expect. any suggestions? maybe i'll just have them write a 10 page paper on the social implications of gender roles in the movie Napoleon Dynamite. if i'm lucky they won't even know what that means...

i teach in stepford

so i decided that i would get a blog, mostly because it's easier to update this once every few days then try to email everyone in my life and keep them updated on "my exciting life in Las Vegas."

Here is a list of oh-so-exciting things i've done this week:
1. learned to crochet
2. started crocheting a scarf
3. watched A LOT of alias reruns (before i got cable or internet)
4. watched a five-hour documentary on the history of hip hop in America on vh1
5. typed out 49 pages of stupid facts for a bulletin board at school
6. found pictures to go with said fun facts
7. fended off at least three nervous breakdowns about the fact that school starts on monday
8. read the employee handbook for my school
9. created seating charts for my classes
oh yes my friends, i do live life in the fast lane.

but seriously, school starts on monday and i'm terrified. before i left today i stopped to say goodbye to my department chair, who asked if i was ready for monday. i replied negatively, which he thought was appropriate. here's the extra fun part: i don't actually have my lesson plans done for next week!! I know what i'm going to do with my students, but i have to actually sit and write it out and put objectives with it and figure out which passages i'm going to use for my pretest and then make copies of it and then make a key and then type it all out. plus, i need to sketch out the first quarter so i know how much time to spend on everything. those of you who know me really well will understand that creating this blog and post are really a creative way to put off doing any work.

i've been in vegas two weeks now. my apartment is starting to get messy (must clean tomorrow), i still have not been to the strip (i figure i have several months to get there) and it's currently 104 degrees outside. it's supposed to be 106 on monday. but it's a dry heat. i like my apartment pretty well, though i wouldn't mind some nicer carpet. for all of you who are wondering if i've met any guys, i have, but most of them are married or have girlfriends. dammit. never fear though--wayne newton is still single.

my school is really nice, and it the area in which it's located (summerlin) really does remind me of stepford. if i start wearing lots of dresses a la mrs. cleaver, someone come out here and rescue me. the nice thing about the school is that it's one of the best in the state, in all areas--sports, band, choir, theatre, art, journalism, academics. the bad thing is that there's a loto f pressure to keep it that way. i volunteered to be the advisor for key club, which includes a trip to six flags magic mountain in november. i've arleady started having panic attacks about that idea--what if someone gets lost? injured? high? luckily, i get paid for the advising, which makes it a little better. everyone keeps telling me how much work it is, but i'm like "so what? what else am i going to do on the weekends besides sit in my apartment and watch old movies in tbs? its not like i have a husband or kids to think about, and for a while at least, i don't have many friends in this area to hang out with! i might as well do that stuff!!
so, that's that. i live in vegas. in the morning on the way to work, i watch the sun rise over the mountains. on the way home in the afternoon, i look at the hotels on the strip (and think about how hot it is). enough time wasted! must go work on lesson plans.

**huzzah! the temperature has dropped to 102 degrees!! where is my parka?