flirting.

it's lately come to my attention that i can't tell when someone is flirting with me. here's the episode that threw this fact into stark relief:

i was in detroit at a friend's wedding, and after the reception, we all headed back to the hotel, where one of the groomsmen was having an "after party" of sorts in his hotel room. I went and hung out for a few hours, but around 3am i really had to leave because i was getting tired, i could feel headache coming on, and i needed to get up at a semi-decent hour to go to a baseball game the next day. i said my goodbyes to everyone who was there: the bride's parents, the groom (the bride had fallen asleep the minute she got out of her dress), a couple groomsmen, and some other people i never quite figured out. as i'm walking down the hall toward the elevators, i hear someone behind me call out,

"hey."

I turn around and see chris, one of the groomsmen walking toward me. we exchanged some pleasantries, i'm sure (i don't really remember) and at some point he says to me, "come hang out in my room."

because i'm a complete and utter moron, i respond by saying, "dude (i actually called him dude), i can't. i'm so tired and i can feel the hangover just creeping into my forehead. but i'll see you at the game tomorrow, right?"

i noticed that he had kind of a weird look on his face as i stepped into the elevator, but i didn't give it much thought.

until the elevator doors shut.

and i realized that i am a moron.

when the doors shut, i honestly said, out lout, in the elvator, "fuck... that's what that was."

yes, boys and girls. he was hitting on me. and he was pretty cute. and how did i respond? by calling him DUDE. the only way it could have been worse is if i had given him a finger gun and a saucy wink. thankfully, i did not do that.

this, sadly, is one of many episodes where someone was flirting with me and i was oblivious to it. it also fulfilled a sneaking suspicion i'd been having lately that i can't tell when people are flirting with me.

a few weeks before the wedding, something similar had happened when i was shopping with my mom. we wandered into a shoe store, sharing a pretzel, and an employee greeted us an struck up a conversation about the awesomeness of autie anne's pretzels. as we left the store, my mom looked at me and said, "you know he was flirting with you."

oblivious old me just responded by saying "he's in customer service. he has to be polite to customers."

with our family's ever-present sarcasm, she responds by saying, "yes, but i've never seen an employee haul ass across a store to talk about pretzels. and he wasn't excited to talk to me."

huh.

is it possible the shoe store guy was flirting with me?

i told my friend adriane both of these stories, and she chose to inform me that when we worked at a hotel together four years ago, guests would often flirt with me and i would respond with something along the lines of, "here's your key; breakfast is from 7-10; enjoy your stay!" she thought i was uninterested because i was going to be moving in a few months. i just had no clue.

when i told my friend caroine, she decided that from now on when someone is flirting with me, the code word will be "hippopotamus." because it's a word that frequently appears in conversation and won't draw any awkward attention to us at all.

i can't help but think this is part of the reason i'm still single at 27...

so here's to flirting. luckily for me, i get to start flirting at my advanced age, when everyone i'll be flirting with has been doing it since they were 14. not awkward. not awkward at all.

oh, and ps: chris wasn't at the ball game the next day, but he did come hang out with us the next evening. and he wouldn't make eye contact with me. because he thought i'd shot him down. *insert eye roll here*

this is august 13. day 2.