birth control

i started taking birth control about three and a half months ago. i hate it. i'm going to expound on that particular sentiment for a while.

1. i feel like a deviant. i feel like i need to explain to everyone that i'm not taking it for actual birth control, because my sex life is non-existant and i have no need to keep myself from getting pregnant. most of my friends know i'm a virgin, and so when it comes up, they ask, "why are you on birth control?" which leads to an awkward converstation about my *cough* cycle. we'll leave it at that.

2. i frequently forget to take it. if the whole point of being on birthcontrol is to regulate my...cycle, then not taking the pill every third day can't be good for any supposed regularity. last night, i went to take it, and realized i hadn't taken any pills since monday. yesterday was friday. i'm sure it's good to take four pills at once too. it's not that it's a hassle--it takes three seconds to swallow a pill that's smaller than a breathmint. i just forget. i forget to brush my teeth most nights, and i've been doing that since i was three. 90 or so days is not enough time to ingrain that particular habit.

3. it costs money! when i went to get my first pack, it was free. i figured "hooray!" my prescription plan covers this--it's free! nope. the first two were free. now it's $20 a month. $20! for a prescription that i'm not even using for it's prescribed purpose! i could be spending that money on shoes! or beer! or ANYTHING BUT A USELESS PRESCRIPTION.

4. HORMONES. let me explain a couple things about me. i am not super emotional. well, that's not true. i'm emotional, but not typical female emotions. i get angry a lot. i get impatient. frustrated. BUT i don't cry. i generally cry about two times a year, and usually when i'm frustrated or angry. i don't cry at movies. i don't cry when i talk about sad events. i don't cry at commercials, or anything with the name "nicholas sparks" on it. i was annoyed by the notebook, not touched. (i kind of wanted to "touch" his face with my fist, but that's another rant...) now that i'm on birth control, it's like the estrogen express has barrelled its way into my thyroid, or pituitary, or spleen, or whatever part of my body produces hormones. maybe my uterus. actually, yes--it feels like my uterus is controlling my reactions. i have cried, almost cried, choked up, or had tears come to my eyes at least FIVE TIMES in the last month alone. it's incredibly frustrating. i feel like my emotions are just completely out of control. i started crying a church both today and last week. i've never been an "emotional believer." i usually scoff at people who cry each sunday (0r saturday, in my case), and now i'm one of them! i've become something that i used to take plaeasure in mocking. ugh.



i feel better.

i have to admit, there are a few upsides:
1. my, um, cycle is, um, easier to deal with.
2. i know exactly when it's going to happen.
3. i think that's it.

so. birth control. really kind of annoying when you're not actually trying to keep yourself from getting pregnant. if i end up pregnant, it means i'm going to be giving birth to the son of God. and that's SO been done. and i'm guessing, that if God wanted to redo that thing (which i don't see happening), i'm not the one he'd choose. just sayin'.

today is august 15. day 4