...but when i got this email, i sat in my car laughing out loud like a crazy person.
but before i paste it in here, a funny story: on the first day of school, i told one of my classes that my favorite tv show is "Saved by the Bell," which is a true statement. i also told them that if they'd never seen it, they should go home and tivo it from 8-10am on TBS. i didn't think they would actually do that, but one of my students walks in yesterday and says, "ms. nolan, guess what i did?"
i think my response was, "got arrested?"
and her answer was no, but that she went home and set her tivo to record "saved by the bell." WIN.
so here's something my friend heidi saw on facebook and sent to me:
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
-Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.
today is august 26. day 15.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
quick trips to the store.
i just went to wal-mart (for the second time today) and bought the following items: 7 large bags of M&M's, dusting spray, and toilet paper. it was awkward to walk around the store carrying those items.
i hate quick trips. i always end up buying the four most random things possible, then i feel like i need to explain to the cashier, "this isn't all for one meal. i'm not eating a beef jerky-oreo omlette with whipped cream on top." but then i figure the cashier has seen stranger combinations (i once saw someone buying two bottles of wine and diapers. those seem like very responsible parenting choices), because, a)it's las vegas, and b) there are a lot of people out there who are much trashier and stranger than me.
the seven bags of M&M's aren't for me to eat. it's for class tomorrow--the ice breaker where you pass around a bag of M&M's and everyone takes as many as they want, but they can't eat them just yet. then, you tell them that for every M&M in their hand, they have to tell something about themselves. the kids who aren't gluttons win. i'm hoping not too many of them know the game, and that the ones who do will keep it to themselves.
i went out to my car today after school and realized i'd left my sunroof open all day long. luckily, it's didn't rain or snow (haha!) and nothing was stolen, and nothing got thrown into it.
i went to spin class for the second time ever today (the first time was about six months ago--i don't want to rush into anything) and while i like spin, and it's a great workout, those bikes have the least comfortable seats imaginable. and, because i was sitting on it for an hour... okay, imagine sitting with your legs crossed on the floor for an hour--you know how they fall asleep and the awkward feeling when you stand up? now, imagine sitting with all the pressure on your "lady parts" and no blood being allowed to flow in there so when you stand up... yeah. awkward. and painful! sitting is going to be a problem tomorrow, i can already tell. my vagina hurts. there. i said it. what is the internet for, if not for talking about your vagina.
and now it's time for bed. because heaven forbid i stay up past nine.
and heidi said i have a "fair amount of motivation." i object.
today is august 25. day 14
i hate quick trips. i always end up buying the four most random things possible, then i feel like i need to explain to the cashier, "this isn't all for one meal. i'm not eating a beef jerky-oreo omlette with whipped cream on top." but then i figure the cashier has seen stranger combinations (i once saw someone buying two bottles of wine and diapers. those seem like very responsible parenting choices), because, a)it's las vegas, and b) there are a lot of people out there who are much trashier and stranger than me.
the seven bags of M&M's aren't for me to eat. it's for class tomorrow--the ice breaker where you pass around a bag of M&M's and everyone takes as many as they want, but they can't eat them just yet. then, you tell them that for every M&M in their hand, they have to tell something about themselves. the kids who aren't gluttons win. i'm hoping not too many of them know the game, and that the ones who do will keep it to themselves.
i went out to my car today after school and realized i'd left my sunroof open all day long. luckily, it's didn't rain or snow (haha!) and nothing was stolen, and nothing got thrown into it.
i went to spin class for the second time ever today (the first time was about six months ago--i don't want to rush into anything) and while i like spin, and it's a great workout, those bikes have the least comfortable seats imaginable. and, because i was sitting on it for an hour... okay, imagine sitting with your legs crossed on the floor for an hour--you know how they fall asleep and the awkward feeling when you stand up? now, imagine sitting with all the pressure on your "lady parts" and no blood being allowed to flow in there so when you stand up... yeah. awkward. and painful! sitting is going to be a problem tomorrow, i can already tell. my vagina hurts. there. i said it. what is the internet for, if not for talking about your vagina.
and now it's time for bed. because heaven forbid i stay up past nine.
and heidi said i have a "fair amount of motivation." i object.
today is august 25. day 14
Monday, August 24, 2009
first day of school
which means i didn't sleep last night. it's nice to have some constancy in my life: i've never once slept well the night before the first day of school. i had trouble falling asleep, then almost got up at 3am because i thought it was time to get up. luckily i glanced at my clock before i got out of bed.
so, we are on a standard schedule this year, which means there are six periods and i see each period every day. which is odd. i've only ever taught on a block schedule. it's weird to think that i'll see all of my students tomorrow, and i saw all of them today, and i'll see all of them every day.
so, the highlights of the day:
when taking roll in my first period class, i asked if anyone had any nicknames they wanted me to use, and one kid asked to be called "sexy." i told him i would, but every time i said it, i would roll my eyes, use air quotes, and make a face of disgust. i said that if he wanted to have his self esteem ruined by me, i would be more than happy to call him "sexy." he decided to stick with zack.
in third period, someone offered to sell me drugs. ritalin. i just stared him down until he felt about the size of an atom (i know it's a strange analogy--blame my roommate) and he just stopped talking.
third period is going to require a little crushing--they're chatty and i want to smack them a lot.
i had a new record today. i kinda keep track of how long it takes for someone to admit that they can't tell when i'm being sarcastic--a girl in my american lit honors class asked today. first day. that doesn't inspire much faith in her academic ability.
one of the kids who drove me crazy last year, and who left my class in throwing a tantrum on the last day of school last year (he'd plagiarized his research paper and i gave him a bad grade as a result) dropped my class immediately after it was over. now there are just two more that i REALLY want to get rid of. there are an additional four or so that i kind of want to get rid of.
i think that's it. i'm gonna go to bed now. i'm sleepy. it's amazing how one night of crappy sleep will mess you up.
today is august 24. day 13
so, we are on a standard schedule this year, which means there are six periods and i see each period every day. which is odd. i've only ever taught on a block schedule. it's weird to think that i'll see all of my students tomorrow, and i saw all of them today, and i'll see all of them every day.
so, the highlights of the day:
when taking roll in my first period class, i asked if anyone had any nicknames they wanted me to use, and one kid asked to be called "sexy." i told him i would, but every time i said it, i would roll my eyes, use air quotes, and make a face of disgust. i said that if he wanted to have his self esteem ruined by me, i would be more than happy to call him "sexy." he decided to stick with zack.
in third period, someone offered to sell me drugs. ritalin. i just stared him down until he felt about the size of an atom (i know it's a strange analogy--blame my roommate) and he just stopped talking.
third period is going to require a little crushing--they're chatty and i want to smack them a lot.
i had a new record today. i kinda keep track of how long it takes for someone to admit that they can't tell when i'm being sarcastic--a girl in my american lit honors class asked today. first day. that doesn't inspire much faith in her academic ability.
one of the kids who drove me crazy last year, and who left my class in throwing a tantrum on the last day of school last year (he'd plagiarized his research paper and i gave him a bad grade as a result) dropped my class immediately after it was over. now there are just two more that i REALLY want to get rid of. there are an additional four or so that i kind of want to get rid of.
i think that's it. i'm gonna go to bed now. i'm sleepy. it's amazing how one night of crappy sleep will mess you up.
today is august 24. day 13
Sunday, August 23, 2009
i believe the children are our future...
****okay so the last video just won't load. I'll keep trying to upload it over the next few days. This is a really pointless blog without the video of sean. sorry.
and so does my friend sean, apparently. last wednesday we went to karaoke at our favorite english pub, the crown and anchor. at some point in the evening, sean decided he was going to sing the whitney houston classic, "the greatest love of all." below is houston's original, if you need to reacquaint yourself:
remember? now, i ask you to think back to another iconic moment of the 80's, namely eddie murphy's classic film coming to america. specifically, what is (arguably) the best moment in the film, displayed below:
if you aren't laughing right now, you are a sick, sick person. or perhaps a communist. okay, so we're at karaoke, and sean decides he's going to sing this song, but only if he can sing it as randy watson. i had a camera that takes video, so i heartily encouraged this action, which resulted in the funniest five minutes i've ever experienced at karaoke OR the crown and anchor. i give you "the greatest love of all" sung in the vein of randy watson, by one mr. sean marshall:
he kept referring to the karaoke guy (who was asian--i'm guessing korean) as "sexual chocolate." fortunately, the guy had a good sense of humor laughed about it.
good times. that sean. he's a funny one.
today is august 23. day 12
and so does my friend sean, apparently. last wednesday we went to karaoke at our favorite english pub, the crown and anchor. at some point in the evening, sean decided he was going to sing the whitney houston classic, "the greatest love of all." below is houston's original, if you need to reacquaint yourself:
remember? now, i ask you to think back to another iconic moment of the 80's, namely eddie murphy's classic film coming to america. specifically, what is (arguably) the best moment in the film, displayed below:
if you aren't laughing right now, you are a sick, sick person. or perhaps a communist. okay, so we're at karaoke, and sean decides he's going to sing this song, but only if he can sing it as randy watson. i had a camera that takes video, so i heartily encouraged this action, which resulted in the funniest five minutes i've ever experienced at karaoke OR the crown and anchor. i give you "the greatest love of all" sung in the vein of randy watson, by one mr. sean marshall:
he kept referring to the karaoke guy (who was asian--i'm guessing korean) as "sexual chocolate." fortunately, the guy had a good sense of humor laughed about it.
good times. that sean. he's a funny one.
today is august 23. day 12
Saturday, August 22, 2009
and for today...
here's the second one, to fulfill heidi's request for my brave new world test.
Modern Literature
Brave New World Test
Part I: Matching (character description) – choose the letter of the character that matches each description below
1. misfit who lets success go to his head
2. pretty and popular nurse at the Hatchery
3. Resident Controller for Western Europe
4. Director of Hatcheries and Conditioning
5. frustrated writer of state propaganda
6. uncivilized person brought to the World State
7. World State girl who gives birth to a child
a. Helmholtz Watson
b. John, the Savage
c. Thomas (Thomakin)
d. Lenina Crowne
e. Linda
ab. Bernard Marx
ac. Mustapha Mond
Matching (characters and ideas) – choose the person that directly or indirectly expresses each of the following ideas in Brave New World.
8. wants goodness, freedom, God, danger, and literature
9. wants to be able to do things alone
10. feels he has the power to say something important but has nothing important to say
11. voices his concern about the kind of government needed to control science
12. considers stability the most important need of humankind
a. John
b. Controller
c. Helmholtz Watson
d. Bernard Marx
Part II: True/False – for each of the following statements, mark “A” for true or “B” for false.
13. Even the recreational games of the populace encourage consumption.
14. There is no mobility from one social class to another in the World State.
15. John, the Savage, had been brought to the Savage Reservation when he was very young.
16. On the Savage Reservation, Lenina is horrified at the sight of illness, old age, and filth.
17. John had read The Complete Works of William Shakespeare while living on the Savage Reservation.
18. Bernard Marx brings John and Linda back to the World State purely for scientific purposes.
19. Citizens of the World State are conditioned to enjoy solitude and given opportunities to do so.
20. Human reproduction is controlled in scientific laboratories by mass-production techniques.
21. The citizens of the World State are encouraged to remember and respect history.
22. Huxley has projected his story one hundred years into the future.
23. The members of the upper class are expected to be childish in their emotional behavior.
24. The Director of Hatcheries is publicly humiliated by the revelation that he is a father.
25. One of the catch-phrases of the World State is “Civilization is Sterilization.”
26. John claims the right to be unhappy.
27. New discoveries in science are regarded as potentially dangerous to the world order.
28. Helmholtz wants a bad climate to help him write.
29. God and religion are important in the World State.
Part III: Multiple Choice – choose the letter of the best answer
30. The planetary motto of the World State is
a. Liberty, Equality, Fraternity
b. Community, Identity, Stability
c. Society, Science, Happiness
d. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness
31. The sleep-teaching process is known as
a. Podsnap’s Technique
b. hypnopaedia
c. Bokanovsky’s Process
d. Solidarity Service
32. The social order of the World State is based on
a. upper, lower, and middle classes
b. five clearly defined classes
c. complete social equality
d. none of the above
33. Bokanovsky’s Process
a. teaches children moral slogans
b. buds embryos
c. immunizes against disease
d. keeps lower caste people from being tall
34. Fanny criticizes Lenina because she is
a. not doing her job
b. seeing too much of Henry Foster
c. taking too much soma
d. wearing old clothes
35. It is rumored that the reason Bernard’s physique is not up to the normal Alpha standards is because of
a. a childhood accident
b. an accident before he was Bokanovskified
c. a birth injury
d. alcohol in his blood-surrogate
36. There is a close bond between Helmholtz and Bernard because of
a. the similar work they do
b. their close family relationship
c. their feeling that they are both individuals
d. their success with women
37. A Savage Reservation is a
a. special experimental area for scientific work
b. place not worth the expense of civilizing
c. popular vacation area
d. zoo
38. People living on the Savage Reservation are
a. free to come and go at will
b. never able to escape
c. kept there for short periods of time for scientific study
d. none of the above
39. When Linda returns to London, she
a. is happily reunited with Tomakin
b. goes back to work at the Hatchery
c. goes on a soma holiday
d. gets her old job back
40. After visiting a factory staffed by identical lower-caste workers, John recalls the phrase about the brave new world, and he feels
a. filled with pride
b. physically sick at what he sees
c. eager to see more of this new civilization
d. bored
41. Helmholtz cannot understand Shakespeare’s writings because
a. they deal with emotional ideas
b. the language is too complicated
c. they are written in a foreign language
d. he doesn’t know how to read
42. The World State came into being
a. through the efforts of world diplomats
b. after a period of mild international tension
c. after a disastrous war
d. after a revolution
43. The citizens of the World State sacrifice truth and beauty for
a. youth
b. soma
c. comfort.
d. sex
44. Linda’s World State background
a. helps her to adjust to Indian ways
b. has not prepared her to be self-sufficient
c. helps her to civilize the Indians
d. both a and c
45. When John is brought to London
a. people are afraid to come near him
b. most people aren’t particularly interested in meeting him
c. he gets arrested
d. members of the upper caste of London are wild to see him
46. When John is exposed to civilization, he reacts with
a. very little astonishment or awe
b. wonder and admiration
c. fear and despair
d. excitement
47. Censorship of written material is necessary because
a. new ideas might de-condition the people’s minds
b. new scientific discoveries might frighten the populace
c. some material might incite the lower classes to revolt
d. people can’t read very well
48. Helmholtz gets in trouble because he writes about
a. revolution
b. solitude
c. government
d. God
49. John reacts to Lenina’s advances toward him with
a. disinterest and boredom
b. warmth and tenderness
c. shyness and innocence
d. disgust and violence
50. When Linda dies, John
a. takes it with typical World State indifference
b. is overcome with grief
c. shows relief
d. tries to kill Mustapha Mond
51. In the fight with the workers over the soma distribution, John is aided by
a. Bernard
b. Helmholtz
c. . Henry Foster
d. no one
52. Because they do not conform to appropriate standards of behavior, Bernard and Helmholtz are to be
a. sent to an island
b. deprived of their soma ration
c. arrested and sent to the Indian Reservation
d. executed
53. The World State society emphasizes
a. truth and beauty
b. art and religion
c. sacrifice and delayed gratification
d. comfort and happiness
54. In the novel’s last scene John
a. returns to the Reservation
b. decides to go to London to live
c. commits suicide
d. arrives at the island with Bernard and Helmholtz
55. When Mond points out to John that the right to be unhappy includes senility, sickness, hunger, pain, and fear, John
a. changes his mind
b. is undecided
c. claims them all
d. starts to cry
56. John believes that life in the World State is too
a. easy
b. sacrilegious
c. dull
d. busy
57. Tired of being experimented with, John
a. runs away to an abandoned lighthouse
b. accepts the ways of the World State
c. hides at the Reservation
d. becomes World Controller
58. John attempts to become worthy of his new location
a. by drinking mustard and water
b. through prayer and self-torture
c. by becoming more knowledgeable
d. both a and b
59. John attempts to drive his desire for Lenina out of his mind by
a. praying
b. writing her letters
c. whipping himself
d. focusing on his garden
60. The final encounter between Lenina and John
a. is a happy one
b. ends on a violent note with John beating Lenina
c. finds Lenina telling John she no longer loves him
d. both a and c
61. When the crowd indulges in an orgy of soma and sex, John
a. is drawn into the orgy
b. retreats from the scene without yielding
c. implores the people to stop their immoral behavior
d. goes crazy and starts whipping everyone there
62. To achieve universal happiness and stability, the citizens of the World State
a. sacrifice art, science, and religion
b. give the people complete freedom of choice
c. regulate only the scientific aspects of society
d. all of the above
63. The word “mother” was considered in the World State to be
a. obscene
b. natural
c. funny
d. sacred
64. The Director of Hatcheries and Conditioning threatens Bernard with exile if he does not
a. pay more attention to his work
b. retract his request for a permit to enter the savage reservation
c. stay away from Lenina
d. conform to the standard of infantile behavior
65. By the standards of the World State, Lenina’s one character flaw is her
a. desire to go on permanent soma holiday
b. empty-headed mouthing of the catch-phrases of civilization
c. dissatisfaction with being a Beta
d. tendency toward non-promiscuity
66. Mustapha Mond considers Helmholtz and Bernard’s exile to be
a. a just punishment for their rebellion
b. an unfortunate but necessary thing to preserve social stability
c. a desirable alternative to the World State
d. an example to others who might be tempted to rebel
67. What does Mustapha Mond call soma?
a. “The Miracle Cure”
b. “The Best of Both Worlds”
c. “Christianity without tears”
d. Happiness for everyone”
68. The Controllers of the World State do not want change because
a. perfection has already been achieved
b. every change is a menace to stability
c. the oppressed lower castes would be tempted to revolt
d. old things are better than new things
69. John often imagined
a. himself as Romeo and Lenina as Juliet
b. himself as Hamlet and Lenina as Ophelia
c. himself as Prospero and Lenina s Miranda
d. himself as King Lear
70. Which of the following is not one of the catch-phrases of the World State?
a. “Ending is better than mending”
b. “Cleanliness is next to Fordliness”
c. “You are what you eat”
d. ”When the individual feels, the community reels”
71. Why do the people at the lighthouse start mimicking John?
a. They can’t think for themselves
b. They think it’s a game
c. They enjoy pain
d. none of the above
72. Brave New World is best described as which of the following words, because it “shows us a world that is a mirror of ours, with the worst features of our world drawn out and exaggerated.”
a. utopia
b. satire
c. post-apocalyptic
d. dystopia
73. How does the World State ensure that no one turns to God in their old age?
a. they’ve eliminated old age
b. they kill every person when they turn 30
c. the word “God” doesn’t exist anymore
d. none of the above
74. Aldous Huxley was born in
a. Los Angeles
b. Canada
c. England
d. India
75. Huxley had a disease that affected his _________ for the rest of his life.
a. skin
b. liver
c. heart
d. eyes
Part IV: Short Essays – answer each of the following questions in a paragraph. YOUR ANSWERS MUST BE WRITTEN IN COMPLETE SENTENCES. (10 points each)
76. Why does John kill himself? What is the imagery of the last paragraph of the novel, where Huxley describes John’s slowly rotating body as a compass needle.
77. There are many themes from the novel Brave New World. From the list below, choose the theme that is the most important and explain why.
a. Scientific progress has the power to destroy civilization.
b. A society whose citizens have no religious beliefs is meaningless.
c. Life without the freedom to express one’s own thoughts and feelings is empty.
d. Art cannot thrive without instability.
c. Other – your own statement of the theme.
78. Choose a character who embodies one of the following concepts, and explain how Huxley used this character to present his ideas.
a. Everyone is happy, so why go against what we’ve been taught?
b. Happiness can be engineered through science, and this creates the best human condition: stability
c. Art (this includes literature) is empty without suffering
d. God is the source of all meaning
e. Freedom to express one’s own thoughts and feelings is the most important right a human being has.
79. Few of Huxley's predictions have proven to be perfectly accurate, yet many aspects of the World State feel uncomfortably like our world. Choose one characteristic of the World State that is most like our world and explain how it’s most like our world.
i realize these aren't the two most exciting posts ever, but dang! 31 days is gonna be hard. my life just isn't that exciting.
today is august 22. day 11
Modern Literature
Brave New World Test
Part I: Matching (character description) – choose the letter of the character that matches each description below
1. misfit who lets success go to his head
2. pretty and popular nurse at the Hatchery
3. Resident Controller for Western Europe
4. Director of Hatcheries and Conditioning
5. frustrated writer of state propaganda
6. uncivilized person brought to the World State
7. World State girl who gives birth to a child
a. Helmholtz Watson
b. John, the Savage
c. Thomas (Thomakin)
d. Lenina Crowne
e. Linda
ab. Bernard Marx
ac. Mustapha Mond
Matching (characters and ideas) – choose the person that directly or indirectly expresses each of the following ideas in Brave New World.
8. wants goodness, freedom, God, danger, and literature
9. wants to be able to do things alone
10. feels he has the power to say something important but has nothing important to say
11. voices his concern about the kind of government needed to control science
12. considers stability the most important need of humankind
a. John
b. Controller
c. Helmholtz Watson
d. Bernard Marx
Part II: True/False – for each of the following statements, mark “A” for true or “B” for false.
13. Even the recreational games of the populace encourage consumption.
14. There is no mobility from one social class to another in the World State.
15. John, the Savage, had been brought to the Savage Reservation when he was very young.
16. On the Savage Reservation, Lenina is horrified at the sight of illness, old age, and filth.
17. John had read The Complete Works of William Shakespeare while living on the Savage Reservation.
18. Bernard Marx brings John and Linda back to the World State purely for scientific purposes.
19. Citizens of the World State are conditioned to enjoy solitude and given opportunities to do so.
20. Human reproduction is controlled in scientific laboratories by mass-production techniques.
21. The citizens of the World State are encouraged to remember and respect history.
22. Huxley has projected his story one hundred years into the future.
23. The members of the upper class are expected to be childish in their emotional behavior.
24. The Director of Hatcheries is publicly humiliated by the revelation that he is a father.
25. One of the catch-phrases of the World State is “Civilization is Sterilization.”
26. John claims the right to be unhappy.
27. New discoveries in science are regarded as potentially dangerous to the world order.
28. Helmholtz wants a bad climate to help him write.
29. God and religion are important in the World State.
Part III: Multiple Choice – choose the letter of the best answer
30. The planetary motto of the World State is
a. Liberty, Equality, Fraternity
b. Community, Identity, Stability
c. Society, Science, Happiness
d. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness
31. The sleep-teaching process is known as
a. Podsnap’s Technique
b. hypnopaedia
c. Bokanovsky’s Process
d. Solidarity Service
32. The social order of the World State is based on
a. upper, lower, and middle classes
b. five clearly defined classes
c. complete social equality
d. none of the above
33. Bokanovsky’s Process
a. teaches children moral slogans
b. buds embryos
c. immunizes against disease
d. keeps lower caste people from being tall
34. Fanny criticizes Lenina because she is
a. not doing her job
b. seeing too much of Henry Foster
c. taking too much soma
d. wearing old clothes
35. It is rumored that the reason Bernard’s physique is not up to the normal Alpha standards is because of
a. a childhood accident
b. an accident before he was Bokanovskified
c. a birth injury
d. alcohol in his blood-surrogate
36. There is a close bond between Helmholtz and Bernard because of
a. the similar work they do
b. their close family relationship
c. their feeling that they are both individuals
d. their success with women
37. A Savage Reservation is a
a. special experimental area for scientific work
b. place not worth the expense of civilizing
c. popular vacation area
d. zoo
38. People living on the Savage Reservation are
a. free to come and go at will
b. never able to escape
c. kept there for short periods of time for scientific study
d. none of the above
39. When Linda returns to London, she
a. is happily reunited with Tomakin
b. goes back to work at the Hatchery
c. goes on a soma holiday
d. gets her old job back
40. After visiting a factory staffed by identical lower-caste workers, John recalls the phrase about the brave new world, and he feels
a. filled with pride
b. physically sick at what he sees
c. eager to see more of this new civilization
d. bored
41. Helmholtz cannot understand Shakespeare’s writings because
a. they deal with emotional ideas
b. the language is too complicated
c. they are written in a foreign language
d. he doesn’t know how to read
42. The World State came into being
a. through the efforts of world diplomats
b. after a period of mild international tension
c. after a disastrous war
d. after a revolution
43. The citizens of the World State sacrifice truth and beauty for
a. youth
b. soma
c. comfort.
d. sex
44. Linda’s World State background
a. helps her to adjust to Indian ways
b. has not prepared her to be self-sufficient
c. helps her to civilize the Indians
d. both a and c
45. When John is brought to London
a. people are afraid to come near him
b. most people aren’t particularly interested in meeting him
c. he gets arrested
d. members of the upper caste of London are wild to see him
46. When John is exposed to civilization, he reacts with
a. very little astonishment or awe
b. wonder and admiration
c. fear and despair
d. excitement
47. Censorship of written material is necessary because
a. new ideas might de-condition the people’s minds
b. new scientific discoveries might frighten the populace
c. some material might incite the lower classes to revolt
d. people can’t read very well
48. Helmholtz gets in trouble because he writes about
a. revolution
b. solitude
c. government
d. God
49. John reacts to Lenina’s advances toward him with
a. disinterest and boredom
b. warmth and tenderness
c. shyness and innocence
d. disgust and violence
50. When Linda dies, John
a. takes it with typical World State indifference
b. is overcome with grief
c. shows relief
d. tries to kill Mustapha Mond
51. In the fight with the workers over the soma distribution, John is aided by
a. Bernard
b. Helmholtz
c. . Henry Foster
d. no one
52. Because they do not conform to appropriate standards of behavior, Bernard and Helmholtz are to be
a. sent to an island
b. deprived of their soma ration
c. arrested and sent to the Indian Reservation
d. executed
53. The World State society emphasizes
a. truth and beauty
b. art and religion
c. sacrifice and delayed gratification
d. comfort and happiness
54. In the novel’s last scene John
a. returns to the Reservation
b. decides to go to London to live
c. commits suicide
d. arrives at the island with Bernard and Helmholtz
55. When Mond points out to John that the right to be unhappy includes senility, sickness, hunger, pain, and fear, John
a. changes his mind
b. is undecided
c. claims them all
d. starts to cry
56. John believes that life in the World State is too
a. easy
b. sacrilegious
c. dull
d. busy
57. Tired of being experimented with, John
a. runs away to an abandoned lighthouse
b. accepts the ways of the World State
c. hides at the Reservation
d. becomes World Controller
58. John attempts to become worthy of his new location
a. by drinking mustard and water
b. through prayer and self-torture
c. by becoming more knowledgeable
d. both a and b
59. John attempts to drive his desire for Lenina out of his mind by
a. praying
b. writing her letters
c. whipping himself
d. focusing on his garden
60. The final encounter between Lenina and John
a. is a happy one
b. ends on a violent note with John beating Lenina
c. finds Lenina telling John she no longer loves him
d. both a and c
61. When the crowd indulges in an orgy of soma and sex, John
a. is drawn into the orgy
b. retreats from the scene without yielding
c. implores the people to stop their immoral behavior
d. goes crazy and starts whipping everyone there
62. To achieve universal happiness and stability, the citizens of the World State
a. sacrifice art, science, and religion
b. give the people complete freedom of choice
c. regulate only the scientific aspects of society
d. all of the above
63. The word “mother” was considered in the World State to be
a. obscene
b. natural
c. funny
d. sacred
64. The Director of Hatcheries and Conditioning threatens Bernard with exile if he does not
a. pay more attention to his work
b. retract his request for a permit to enter the savage reservation
c. stay away from Lenina
d. conform to the standard of infantile behavior
65. By the standards of the World State, Lenina’s one character flaw is her
a. desire to go on permanent soma holiday
b. empty-headed mouthing of the catch-phrases of civilization
c. dissatisfaction with being a Beta
d. tendency toward non-promiscuity
66. Mustapha Mond considers Helmholtz and Bernard’s exile to be
a. a just punishment for their rebellion
b. an unfortunate but necessary thing to preserve social stability
c. a desirable alternative to the World State
d. an example to others who might be tempted to rebel
67. What does Mustapha Mond call soma?
a. “The Miracle Cure”
b. “The Best of Both Worlds”
c. “Christianity without tears”
d. Happiness for everyone”
68. The Controllers of the World State do not want change because
a. perfection has already been achieved
b. every change is a menace to stability
c. the oppressed lower castes would be tempted to revolt
d. old things are better than new things
69. John often imagined
a. himself as Romeo and Lenina as Juliet
b. himself as Hamlet and Lenina as Ophelia
c. himself as Prospero and Lenina s Miranda
d. himself as King Lear
70. Which of the following is not one of the catch-phrases of the World State?
a. “Ending is better than mending”
b. “Cleanliness is next to Fordliness”
c. “You are what you eat”
d. ”When the individual feels, the community reels”
71. Why do the people at the lighthouse start mimicking John?
a. They can’t think for themselves
b. They think it’s a game
c. They enjoy pain
d. none of the above
72. Brave New World is best described as which of the following words, because it “shows us a world that is a mirror of ours, with the worst features of our world drawn out and exaggerated.”
a. utopia
b. satire
c. post-apocalyptic
d. dystopia
73. How does the World State ensure that no one turns to God in their old age?
a. they’ve eliminated old age
b. they kill every person when they turn 30
c. the word “God” doesn’t exist anymore
d. none of the above
74. Aldous Huxley was born in
a. Los Angeles
b. Canada
c. England
d. India
75. Huxley had a disease that affected his _________ for the rest of his life.
a. skin
b. liver
c. heart
d. eyes
Part IV: Short Essays – answer each of the following questions in a paragraph. YOUR ANSWERS MUST BE WRITTEN IN COMPLETE SENTENCES. (10 points each)
76. Why does John kill himself? What is the imagery of the last paragraph of the novel, where Huxley describes John’s slowly rotating body as a compass needle.
77. There are many themes from the novel Brave New World. From the list below, choose the theme that is the most important and explain why.
a. Scientific progress has the power to destroy civilization.
b. A society whose citizens have no religious beliefs is meaningless.
c. Life without the freedom to express one’s own thoughts and feelings is empty.
d. Art cannot thrive without instability.
c. Other – your own statement of the theme.
78. Choose a character who embodies one of the following concepts, and explain how Huxley used this character to present his ideas.
a. Everyone is happy, so why go against what we’ve been taught?
b. Happiness can be engineered through science, and this creates the best human condition: stability
c. Art (this includes literature) is empty without suffering
d. God is the source of all meaning
e. Freedom to express one’s own thoughts and feelings is the most important right a human being has.
79. Few of Huxley's predictions have proven to be perfectly accurate, yet many aspects of the World State feel uncomfortably like our world. Choose one characteristic of the World State that is most like our world and explain how it’s most like our world.
i realize these aren't the two most exciting posts ever, but dang! 31 days is gonna be hard. my life just isn't that exciting.
today is august 22. day 11
damnit!
i forgot to post anything yesterday. i meant to after school, but it completely slipped my mind, and then i went to a friend's party and didn't get home until late. then i spent a good chunk of today sleeping--a combination of staying up late last night and getting up early this week.
this is going to count as yesterday's post, and i'll do another one right after it.
so, here's my scarlet letter test, which adriane requested. heidi - you'll get my brave new world test--it's better than my Gatsby test.
this is going to count as yesterday's post, and i'll do another one right after it.
so, here's my scarlet letter test, which adriane requested. heidi - you'll get my brave new world test--it's better than my Gatsby test.
The Scarlet Letter - Test
American Lit Honors
Part I: Multiple Choice
For each of the following questions, choose the best response
1. The prison door best represents which of the following:
a. Puritanical severity of law and the authority of the regime
b. a dirty, rusted old door separating Hester from her daughter
c. an escape route for Hester
d. the strength of Hester’s determination to live with her crime
2.
a. support for the Puritan way of life
b. contradictory images and hypocrisy
c. disgust with the Puritan way of life
d. he does not portray the Puritanical society
3. What gesture does Reverend Dimmesdale make throughout the book?
a. He rubs at his brow
b. He pulls at his shirt sleeves
c. He places his hand over his heart
d. He raises his eyes to heaven
4. Why is the first scaffold scene very ironic?
a. Because Hester is married to Chillingworth and he has just arrived.
b. Because it is the first time that Hester has come into public wearing the scarlet “A” on her chest.
c. Because Dimmesdale is called upon to ask Hester who the father is.
d. Because it’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
5. After she is released from prison, Hester goes to live on the edge of the forest. What does the forest symbolize?
a. how dirty she is
b. life outside Puritan law
c. her loneliness
d. her damnation
6. What does
a. The living embodiment of Hester’s sin
b. The unifying force that will bring Hester and Dimmesdale together at the end.
c. A young innocent child
b. A form of punishment for Hester
7. When Reverend
a. that God made her
b. that Hester and Dimmesdale made her
c. that sin made her
d. that she was plucked off a rose bush
8. Hester tries to convince Dimmesdale to do what during their walk in the woods?
a. to run away and live elsewhere
b. to get rid of Chillingworth
c. to marry her
d. to adopt
9. What does
a. She is excited for her mother
b. She screams and refuses to come near
c. She runs away
d. She runs to hug her mother
10. What does
a. She takes his hand and gives it to Hester
b. She kisses Dimmesdale
c. She runs away from Hester
c. She runs to Roger Chillingworth
11. Chillingworth became the greatest sinner in violating the human heart because:
a. he felt the church should have avenged him
b. he single-mindedly was bent on personal revenge against Dimmesdale
c. he burned a scarlet letter into Dimmesdale’s chest with a hot iron
d. he neglected his young wife
12. What happens to
a. she dies the same day that Dimmesdale confesses.
b. She is left a lot of money by Chillingworth, and leaves town, never to be heard from again.
c. She is forced to wear a lower-case “a” on her chest, for she is the daughter of Hester.
d. she becomes the first female mayor of
13. What is the setting of The Scarlet Letter?
a.
b.
c.
d.
14.
a. physically unattractive
b. subdued and repressed
c. mentally dull
d. active, with a developed imagination
15. The living sermon against sin is
a. Chillingworth
b. Hester
c. Dimmesdale
d.
16. Chillingworth states that a minister’s soul must be burdened because it only shares its secrets with
a. other ministers
b. God
c. his congregation
d. himself
17. The “Man in Black” in the forest refers to
a. God
b. the devil
c. Chillingworth
d. Will Smith
18. “This is my strength. It is my passport to the wild, free, lawless regions where others dare not tread.” Hester is referring to
a. the ship she hopes will take her away with her lover
b. Dimmesdale
c. herself
d. the scarlet letter
19. The usual punishment for adultery in the Puritan setting was
a. public display of the offender
b. wearing of the scarlet “A”
c. serving the townspeople in charitable way
d. death by hanging
20. The dark leaves which Chillingworth found in the graveyard grew out of the dead man’s
a. soul
b. heart
c. eternal sin
d. brain
21. All of the following are Puritan children’s games except
a. scalping the Indians
b. playing house
c. going to church
d. scourging the Quakers
22. For how many years did Dimmesdale suffer?
a. five
b. seven
c. nine
d. eleven
23. What significant thing happens to
a. she dies
b. she ceases to be a symbol
c. she becomes a symbol for Dimmesdale’s death
d. she stops speaking
24. Why do the Puritans discount the evidence which proves that Mistress Hibbins is a witch?
a. she’s too nice to be evil
b. she always has an alibi
c. it doesn’t fit into their view of the world
d. it doesn’t make any difference to them.
25. In chapter 1,
a. it shows how depressing the Puritans were
b. it illustrates how evil humans are
c. it foreshadows the punishment and death in the novel
d. it foreshadows that everyone will die
26. Which of the following is NOT a reason Hester stays in that city?
a. she feels a connection to Dimmesdale
b. to show the people there that they have no power over her
c. something big happened there, so she has to stay
d. she knows her reputation will follow her wherever she goes
27. When
a. The “A” and
b. The “A” and
c. The “A” and
d. Hester’s kind eyes and
28. Why is this reflection significant?
a. They’re the things the townspeople don’t see
b. They’re the only things the townspeople see
c. They’re the things everyone but the townspeople see
d. none of the above
29. During their conversation in the prison, Chillingworth tells Hester that he will find
a. symbolism
b. metaphor
c. indirect characterization
d. foreshadowing
30. When
a. It’s the first time
b. It’s the first time she’s lied about the “A.”
c. It’s the first time
d. It’s the first time she’s let
31. What happens when Hester takes off the “A” in the forest?
a.
b. she feels guilty
c. the sun shines on her
d. the wind picks up
32. What is the significance of that event (in reference to #31)?
a. nothing,
b. Hester really does care what the Puritans think of her, despite what she tells herself
c. Nature respects and appreciates Hester’s relationship with Dimmesdale, and is happy that she’s being true to herself
d. Nature hates her relationship with Dimmesdale, and is angry that she’s going against the law.
33. Which of the following is not an example of the Puritans’ tendency to place people in categories and leave them there no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary?
a. The sexton saying the Devil put Dimmesdale’s glove on the scaffold
b. Mistress Hibbons being an accepted member of the community.
c. The community allowing Chillingworth to hurt Dimmesdale
d. People swearing they saw nothing on Dimmesdale’s chest.
34. How does Chillingworth figure out who
a. Dimmesdale tells him
b. Chillingworth becomes Dimmesdale’s doctor and guesses the secret
c. Hester tells him one day in the woods
d. He never finds out
35. The brook in the forest could symbolize the separation between:
a. Hester and
b. Hester and Dimmesdale
c. Hester and Chillingworth
d. church and state
36. Which of the following is a rumor that spread about Chillingworth?
a. He’s gotten more handsome as time has gone on
b. One man saw him in
c. He got his knowledge of medicine in
d. The fire in his lab is from Hell
37. Why don’t Dimmesdale’s punishments work to alleviate his guilt?
a. He doesn’t really feel guilty
b. No one else sees them, so he isn’t actually confessing
c. He gets too sick to worry about anything but his health
d. He doesn’t do enough of them, and the ones he does aren’t harsh enough.
38. What object unites the lovers in death?
a. their love
b. their grave
c. their descendants
d. their tombstone
39. What is the significance of the weeds in front of the prison door?
a. they represent the criminals and undesirables who are usually in prison
b. they represent the hard work the Puritans had to do to survive in the
c. they represent the major role nature will play in the novel
d. nothing—
40. Why is Chillingworth so upset with Dimmesdale’s confession?
a. he’s afraid that the Puritans will kill Dimmesdale
b. he refuses to believe that Dimmesdale would commit such a sin
c. his chance at revenge has been taken away
d. Dimmesdale is ruining a perfectly good holiday celebration with his confession
41. Which of the following was most likely one of
a. a disturbing fascination with adultery
b. deep respect for the Puritan way of life
c. an interest in the psychological effects of crime and punishment
d. shame about his Puritan ancestors
42. Which of the following is NOT a book written by Nathanial Hawthorne?
a. Twice Told Tales
b. Blithedale Romance
c. The Pathfinder
d. The House of the Seven Gables
43. Which American President was Nathanial Hawthorne's friend from college?
a. Franklin Pierce
b. Andrew Jackson
c. James K. Polk
d.
44. Dark romantics embraced what part of mankind?
a. capacity for good
b. evil
c. intelligence
d. wastefulness
Part II: True or False
For each of the following statements, determine whether it is true or false. If it is true, mark “A.” If it is false, mark “B.”
45. Dimmesdale is secretly married to Hester
46. The women of town feel the punishment is not severe enough
47. Chillingworth eventually forgives Dimmesdale but not Hester.
48. In the end,
49.
50. Chillingworth sneaks onto the boat, where Dimmesdale dies.
51. Dimmesdale denies his and Hester’s union in death because he claims their love was only passion and nothing more.
Part III: Identify the speaker for each of the following quotes.
a. Narrator
b. Hester Prynne
c. Roger Chillingworth
d. Arthur Dimmesdale
e.
52. “God gave her the child, and gave her, too, an instinctive knowledge of its nature which no other mortal being can possess.”
53. “What had I to do with youth and beauty like your own?. . . how could I delude myself with the idea that intellectual gifts might veil physical deformity in a young girl’s fantasy?”
54. “At last! At last I stand upon the spot where I should have stood seven years past!”
55. “Come away, . . . or that old Man in Black will catch you! . . . he has got hold of the minister already.”
56. “There was no place so secret--no high place nor lowly place--where you could have escaped me--save on this very scaffold!”
57. “Shall we not meet again? Shall we not spend our immortal life together? Surely, surely we have ransomed one another, with all this woe!”
58. “He will be known!”
59. “And will he always keep his hand over his heart?”
60. “Of penance, I have had enough! Of penitence, there has been none!”
Thursday, August 20, 2009
how i met your mother
is my favorite tv show. alison and i watch it together every monday during "roommate bonding time." one of the characters is from canada, and in season one it is revealed that she was a canadian pop start one hit wonder. today, becuase i'm not sure what to write about and because i'm tired, i'm going to share with you her two music videos. they might change your life. they certainly affected mine...
(best quote from that episode of the show)
Marshall: [Looking at Computer] This is the 90s, why does it look like 1986?
Robin Scherbatsky: The 80s didn't come to Canada til like '93.
and then, in season 3, we find out there was a follow-up, artistic video. a tender, nostalgic ballad:
this one moved me to tears.
so, there ya go. enjoy. and you're welcome.
this is august 20, day 9
(best quote from that episode of the show)
Marshall: [Looking at Computer] This is the 90s, why does it look like 1986?
Robin Scherbatsky: The 80s didn't come to Canada til like '93.
and then, in season 3, we find out there was a follow-up, artistic video. a tender, nostalgic ballad:
this one moved me to tears.
so, there ya go. enjoy. and you're welcome.
this is august 20, day 9
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