...and here's why:
1. it's 9:15 on friday night, i haven't left my apartment since 4:30, and i have no plans of leaving this evening. since 6:30, i have been cleaning my apartment. on a friday night. young-type people don't do that.
2. it was recently my birthday, and when i got my birthday money from my parents, my first thought was "ooh! now i can buy a new vacuum!!" i didn't think about shoes, or dvd's (i download those anyway) or clothes or even books. my first thought was of a new vacuum. sad.
okay, so those are the only reasons, but i think they're weighty enough. i won't be updating until tuesday at the earliest (no guarantees) because MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT!!!!!! (i'm a little excited) she's coming in tomorrow morning, and then we get to spend all day with my key club students while they learn cheers for their fall rally in november. but, after that we have free tickets to go see mama mia at the mandalay bay, preceded by dinner (also free) at wolfgang puck's.
so tonight i had to do dishes IN MY BATHTUB because my kitchen sink has a leak, which i reported to the maintenence department on monday, and it hasn't yet been fixed. and that last sentence was a run on and i'm too lazy to try and fix it. i put a lot of the dishes in my dishwasher, but some of the bigger stuff (crock pot, mixing bowl, etc) i had to do by hand IN MY BATHTUB. seriously, how ghetto is that?? i can't wait until my lease is up in february.
well that's all i have. i just wanted to say something quickly, and now i'm going to go watch batman begins and probably fall asleep.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
OH HELL NO!!!
here are some things that make me say "OH HELL NO!!!"
1. Oh hell no did Western Boone hire Rob Ramey as their new principal. ROB RAMEY!!! this was the man who taught me economics by showing the "mocha islands" videos (melons! get your fresh melons here!). i'm not sure he'd even TAKEN an econ course. i'm not joking. i can't put into words how terrible his class was. don't get me wrong: i liked it because it was easy and i got an A, but i didn't learn anything. i learned more about the economy from listening to my college roommate study for her exams. and some history lectures. call me crazy (you're crazy!) but i think that school administrators should have success as teachers before they are put in charge of the educations of several hundred students.
2. Oh hell no did i find a TROJAN MAGNUM CONDOM WRAPPER on my classroom floor today. it was empty. i did not touch it. i picked it up with another piece of paper and threw it away. then washed my hands. a surgeon's hands aren't that clean. ugh.
so here's a conversation that took place between me and one of my students today:
LIZA: "Miss nolan, do you want one of my school pictures?"
ME: "sure"
LIZA: "you could make a collage"
ME: "yep"
LIZA: "did you get school pictures"
ME: "yes"
LIZA: "can i have one? my dog needs a new chew toy"
ME: "but doesn't he already have your face? oh! i'm sorry! were you actually born that way?"
THE REST OF THE CLASS: "OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!"
LIZA: "(silence, crickets chirping)... i can't think of any thing! sydnee, help me think of a comeback..."
she never thought of one. ms. nolan - 1, liza - 0
o'doyle rules.
so i downloaded (stole) mel brooks' history of the world: part 1 and i was really excited about it because it was free and i'd never seen it. and then i couldn't open the file on my computer. stupid free/stolen movies. you just can't get quality files anymore. what do they expect me to do? go to the blockbuster half a block away and rent it? no way mister!!!
remember that one time i used to prepare for the next day and try to be a good teacher? yeah. those were the times...
today is thursday. THAT MEANS ALIAS IS ON! and i know that vaughn isn't dead. he just can't be. no one that attractive is allowed to die on tv. i know this is short, but i just can't think of anything else.
1. Oh hell no did Western Boone hire Rob Ramey as their new principal. ROB RAMEY!!! this was the man who taught me economics by showing the "mocha islands" videos (melons! get your fresh melons here!). i'm not sure he'd even TAKEN an econ course. i'm not joking. i can't put into words how terrible his class was. don't get me wrong: i liked it because it was easy and i got an A, but i didn't learn anything. i learned more about the economy from listening to my college roommate study for her exams. and some history lectures. call me crazy (you're crazy!) but i think that school administrators should have success as teachers before they are put in charge of the educations of several hundred students.
2. Oh hell no did i find a TROJAN MAGNUM CONDOM WRAPPER on my classroom floor today. it was empty. i did not touch it. i picked it up with another piece of paper and threw it away. then washed my hands. a surgeon's hands aren't that clean. ugh.
so here's a conversation that took place between me and one of my students today:
LIZA: "Miss nolan, do you want one of my school pictures?"
ME: "sure"
LIZA: "you could make a collage"
ME: "yep"
LIZA: "did you get school pictures"
ME: "yes"
LIZA: "can i have one? my dog needs a new chew toy"
ME: "but doesn't he already have your face? oh! i'm sorry! were you actually born that way?"
THE REST OF THE CLASS: "OOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!"
LIZA: "(silence, crickets chirping)... i can't think of any thing! sydnee, help me think of a comeback..."
she never thought of one. ms. nolan - 1, liza - 0
o'doyle rules.
so i downloaded (stole) mel brooks' history of the world: part 1 and i was really excited about it because it was free and i'd never seen it. and then i couldn't open the file on my computer. stupid free/stolen movies. you just can't get quality files anymore. what do they expect me to do? go to the blockbuster half a block away and rent it? no way mister!!!
remember that one time i used to prepare for the next day and try to be a good teacher? yeah. those were the times...
today is thursday. THAT MEANS ALIAS IS ON! and i know that vaughn isn't dead. he just can't be. no one that attractive is allowed to die on tv. i know this is short, but i just can't think of anything else.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
rain, rain, go away...
it has been raining for the last TWO DAYS!! i can't believe it. the funny thing is that my students were completely unable to deal with it. one girl was complaining about her jacket being wet and i asked her why she didn't bring an umbrella. her answer: "my sister has it." IT? i asked her if they just had one umbrella for her, her sister and her mom, and she said yes. i about crapped my pants. i have three. one lives in my car, one lives in my apartment, and one lives in my bag. it was funny at first, and then i got annoyed because it's just freaking rain!! the crazy thing is that the water doesn't go anywhere. at home, when it rains, the water gets absorbed into the ground and it's muddy, but the water doesn't stand. here, because the ground is so dense, the water has no place to go. there were HUGE puddles on the roads and stuff.
in-n-out burger. it's a phenomenon only found in this western area of the united states, and everyone raves about it. the food is delivered fresh daily i guess, so it's really good, and the fries are cut there on site, not frozen... the menu hasn't changed in decades... so i tried it. and the first time i was like, "eh. s'alright." i wasn't really all that crazy about it though, and i didn't think i'd eat there again. then today, driving home (i drave past one every day to and from work) i drove past it, and the craving for it was so intense i thought i might cry if i didn't get any. so i got some (not like that, dirty minds) and it was good. but i think i still like mcdonald's better, at least as far as the burgers go. i don't know if it's the sauce or the way the lettuce tasts, but i can't decide if i like it or not. for those of you (michelle and hannah) who were in france with me, it's kind of like Quick. you know it's going to be gross, but you have this need to eat there anyway. the gross statement, of course, excludes "les cheesy," the best things i've ever had in my mouth.
i think my students need xanax. seriously. they got really stressed out over my new classroom arrangement and trying to decide on their new seat. the poor little lost souls.
i found out the other day that one of my students' mom is the president of the excalibur. yeah. the casino. he drives a mercedes. his answer to the writing prompt of, "what do you sense you're supposed to do before your life is over?" was that he is supposed to be rich, and since his mom is the pres. of the excalibur he's got connections (and this is a direct quote), "every were on the strip." i wanted to smack him and tell him that connections don't do much if you CAN'T SPELL WHERE CORRECTLY!!!! i think i'm going to tell my modern lit class (of which he is a member) that they need to bring me starbuck's every day. i don't think they'd care. they kind of offered to before and it embarassed me so i brushed it off. but now the exhaustion is starting to override the embarassment.
that's pretty much all i got. ...and i'm spent. i went to borders today because educators got 25% off of regularly priced items and i bought two books, which just may cement my status as a complete and total loser (if it wasn't cemented already): A Brief History of the Kings and Queens of Britian, and The Wives of Henry VIII. I would have bought the unbrief version of the kings and queens, but it wasn't there. i've decided that i have an unhealthy and unnatural obsession with the tudor era of british history. if i ever get a third masters, it will be in british history. (the first two are going to be in urban education, because it's free, and linguistics/philology. i'm just going to get lots of masterses and never a phd because i'm terrified of writing a doctoral thesis. i saw my grandpa's once. it was bound and probably about 500 pages. plus i'm faily certain that while i'm a fairly smart woman, i'm not really smart enought to get a doctorate and they'll know that... you like how this is the longest parentheses ever??)
and that's really all i got. i'm going to say that i'm going to go grade some papers. but i'll probably watch CSI and fall asleep on my couch...
in-n-out burger. it's a phenomenon only found in this western area of the united states, and everyone raves about it. the food is delivered fresh daily i guess, so it's really good, and the fries are cut there on site, not frozen... the menu hasn't changed in decades... so i tried it. and the first time i was like, "eh. s'alright." i wasn't really all that crazy about it though, and i didn't think i'd eat there again. then today, driving home (i drave past one every day to and from work) i drove past it, and the craving for it was so intense i thought i might cry if i didn't get any. so i got some (not like that, dirty minds) and it was good. but i think i still like mcdonald's better, at least as far as the burgers go. i don't know if it's the sauce or the way the lettuce tasts, but i can't decide if i like it or not. for those of you (michelle and hannah) who were in france with me, it's kind of like Quick. you know it's going to be gross, but you have this need to eat there anyway. the gross statement, of course, excludes "les cheesy," the best things i've ever had in my mouth.
i think my students need xanax. seriously. they got really stressed out over my new classroom arrangement and trying to decide on their new seat. the poor little lost souls.
i found out the other day that one of my students' mom is the president of the excalibur. yeah. the casino. he drives a mercedes. his answer to the writing prompt of, "what do you sense you're supposed to do before your life is over?" was that he is supposed to be rich, and since his mom is the pres. of the excalibur he's got connections (and this is a direct quote), "every were on the strip." i wanted to smack him and tell him that connections don't do much if you CAN'T SPELL WHERE CORRECTLY!!!! i think i'm going to tell my modern lit class (of which he is a member) that they need to bring me starbuck's every day. i don't think they'd care. they kind of offered to before and it embarassed me so i brushed it off. but now the exhaustion is starting to override the embarassment.
that's pretty much all i got. ...and i'm spent. i went to borders today because educators got 25% off of regularly priced items and i bought two books, which just may cement my status as a complete and total loser (if it wasn't cemented already): A Brief History of the Kings and Queens of Britian, and The Wives of Henry VIII. I would have bought the unbrief version of the kings and queens, but it wasn't there. i've decided that i have an unhealthy and unnatural obsession with the tudor era of british history. if i ever get a third masters, it will be in british history. (the first two are going to be in urban education, because it's free, and linguistics/philology. i'm just going to get lots of masterses and never a phd because i'm terrified of writing a doctoral thesis. i saw my grandpa's once. it was bound and probably about 500 pages. plus i'm faily certain that while i'm a fairly smart woman, i'm not really smart enought to get a doctorate and they'll know that... you like how this is the longest parentheses ever??)
and that's really all i got. i'm going to say that i'm going to go grade some papers. but i'll probably watch CSI and fall asleep on my couch...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
tyring to make up for the last one...
i should be making lesson plans right now, but i'm procrastinating (what a shock, right). i know yesterday's post will worry some of you, and i'm sorry for that, but i needed to put it somewhere and it felt more legitimate putting it out there for other people to find. i really am okay. i just get pensive sometimes and that often leads to melencholy or whatever. or maybe philosophizing is just depressing--that's probably it.
today i was watching the natural on american movie classics (another means of procrasination) and i half paid attention because i was dozing in and out and messing around on my computer, but i asked myself the following question: what is it that makes robert redford so attractive? i looked it up, and he was born in 1939. that makes him... 67 years old. and he's still really attractive. i mean, if i saw him at a bar or something and he hit on me, i'd give him my number. AND HE'S SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! i think it might be the smile. or maybe a combination of the smile and the voice... and the eyes. and the slightly mussed hair. i dont' know. but he's attractive. and maybe it's because of the age, not DESPITE the age? anyone have any ideas?
here is a confession: today i spent two hours of my life, two hours that i will never get back, watching the e! true hollywood story of the hilton sisters. why? you ask. not because there was nothing else on tv, because there was. and i have a faily hefty collection of movies i could have watched. but no. i watched the story of the hilton sisters. did i mention that i don't even LIKE the hilton sisters?
i really must go lesson plan. at least for this week. at least sketch it out on paper and then type them tomorrow or something. whatever. i am happy though. mostly. and its just that when i'm not, i dont' have someone here to go talk to about it and get my mind off it and get over it. i spend a lot of time alone (which is okay) and the thoughts tend to tumble around like a dryer and until i get them out somehow they get more and more macabre. so i had to put them somewhere to make them stop. and they did and i'm okay. :)
love you all,
sarah
today i was watching the natural on american movie classics (another means of procrasination) and i half paid attention because i was dozing in and out and messing around on my computer, but i asked myself the following question: what is it that makes robert redford so attractive? i looked it up, and he was born in 1939. that makes him... 67 years old. and he's still really attractive. i mean, if i saw him at a bar or something and he hit on me, i'd give him my number. AND HE'S SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! i think it might be the smile. or maybe a combination of the smile and the voice... and the eyes. and the slightly mussed hair. i dont' know. but he's attractive. and maybe it's because of the age, not DESPITE the age? anyone have any ideas?
here is a confession: today i spent two hours of my life, two hours that i will never get back, watching the e! true hollywood story of the hilton sisters. why? you ask. not because there was nothing else on tv, because there was. and i have a faily hefty collection of movies i could have watched. but no. i watched the story of the hilton sisters. did i mention that i don't even LIKE the hilton sisters?
i really must go lesson plan. at least for this week. at least sketch it out on paper and then type them tomorrow or something. whatever. i am happy though. mostly. and its just that when i'm not, i dont' have someone here to go talk to about it and get my mind off it and get over it. i spend a lot of time alone (which is okay) and the thoughts tend to tumble around like a dryer and until i get them out somehow they get more and more macabre. so i had to put them somewhere to make them stop. and they did and i'm okay. :)
love you all,
sarah
Saturday, October 15, 2005
this will be a long one. prepare yourselves.
WARNING: THE FIRST PORTION OF THIS BLOG IS NOT FUNNY. ITS MY OWN PSYCHOANALYTICAL RAMBLINGS AND IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO READ (LOTS OF RUN ONS) AND PROBABLY BORING FOR ALL THOSE INVOLVED (INCLUDING MYSELF). FEEL FREE TO SCROLL DOWN TO WHERE IT SAYS "HERE IS THE FUNNY PART.
"i'm under attack again my dear, i'm in the way
got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
and still if i yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?"
nostalgia is a funny thing. for me, at least. i've discovered that i have a tendency to feel nostalgia for things i never had. i realized this for the first time a few months ago when i got to thinking about the tv show "The Wonder Years" and i was missing that show. but i didn't know if i was missing the show because i liked the show or because it reminded me of my childhood. but did it remind me of my childhood because i watched it as a child or because it took place during kevin arnold's childhood? or was it making me miss a childhood in the 60's that i never had? why was a so melencholy when i was thinking about it? maybe melencholy isn't the word. then last night i went to see the movie elizabethtown with my friend gwen. the bulk of the movie is set in a small town in kentucky, which made me a little sad because it reminded me of home. there are lots of shots of driving and the roads looked like home a little. not totally because there were lots of trees and very few cornfields, but it was a helluva lot closer than the desert and mountains. and then there was this small town. and i started feeling nostalgic for my childhood and my small town. but the small town wasn't really anything like jamestown. there was a courthouse. it wasn't really like an of the small towns i know. it wasn't like lebanon, because it was too small, and too big to be jamestown. the closest small town that i can think of is streator, but anyone who knows me very well know that streator just confuses me most of the time, and that i rarely miss it when i'm not there, or when i am there for that matter. and this really distubs me. why am i nostalgic for things that never happened in my life? is that normal? it can't be normal. nostalgia has two meanings: 1) a bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations from the past, and 2) the condition of being homesick; homesickness. i think there is an implied idea that these were events that a person actually experienced. how can i be nostalgic for the 1960's of the wonder years when it's probalby not accurate, and i didn't live through it.
and here is my fear: that one day, everyone will realize that i'm just faking it all. the happy, the sad, the funny, the smart, the... i just feel like my whole life i've been pretending to be this one person and i've never taken the time to figure out if that's really who i am. and if it is who i really am, i'm kind of depressed, because it's not a very impressive being. i think the thing that really scares me is how successfully i have faked it. i faked high school and got a scholarship. then i faked all of college, got a degree, great recommendations, an outstanding future educator award, a second place sports feature award, a diplome with a little sticker that says "cum laude," and a good job. now i've got my job, my career that i faked myself into, and i'm getting praise, BUT I'M STILL FAKING IT. people are telling me i'm a good teacher, and my students are telling other teachers that they can't believe it's my first year and that i'm so smart and it's all fake. i stand up in front of my classes for 80 minutes three times a day and i don't have a clue what i'm talking about. i'm currently teaching the poem "the waste land" in my modern lit class and if it wasn't for sparknotes.com, i wouldn't have a clue what it's about.
i have a friend from college, and we made a marriage pact. if we're not married by the time we turn 26, we marry each other. actually, it's by the time i turn 26, because my birthday is earlier. and pretty soon i'm going to turn 26 (two years isn't THAT soon, i reailze) and i'm going to plan to marry him and he'll tell me that he was joking all along and he thought i was too, and he doesn't want to marry me "because i'm like a sister to him" or some bullshit like that and it will break my heart.
last night i went out to eat with gwen and we had a pretty hot waiter named jared (who reminded me of the tv show the pretender and i started wondering if it was still on tv) who smiled at me an awful lot and i should have left him my number, but i didn't because i'm a big chicken.
by monday i'll be embarrased hat i wrote all this stuff on here and you all could read it, and you'll all be angry because it's not funny (at least it's not supposed to be) and worried because i seem so sad and this will go down as a negative memory. but oh well.
and i hate when i get like this because it's so pointless. i don't solve anything and i feel pathetic for being so neurotic about things that just do not matter because i am so lucky and i have no room to complain about anything. i always think of that line from ever after where anjelica houston says "some people read because they cannot think for themselves" and i wonder if that's me? i don't like thinking. there are never any answers and i just end up thinking in circles (much like i'm doing now) and i never feel as though i'm thinking deeply enough (somewhere along the line i developed this idea that if i'm not entertaining an internal conversation worthy of descartes or socrates, i'm not good enough) and so i just go read someone else's thoughts on the situation. is that why i like to read so much? to escape my own brain and just piggyback on someone else? my whole life i've been standing on the shoulders of giants, and half the time i end up convincing people that i am really that tall. and so i focus on other people's thoughts. i've made plans to spend my life teaching young people about other people's thoughts.
i worry that i'm out of touch with my emotions. my grandmother died in may and i've still yet to cry a lot about it. the tears never come at an appropriate time. almost half a year later and i hven't cried yet? am i a robot? is that why i listen to emo? i can't find my own emotions so i live vicariously through someone else's and then i just feel more pathetic because my emotions aren't like that. so i watch a movie to feel better and feel worse because i'm not in love or because i'm not as perfect as the characters, even thought i know that NO ONE is as perfect as movie characters and i know that life isn't a movie, but i still just really want it to be. i'm stopping now. if i don't i'll end up lying on my couch for the next seven hours watching pride and prejudice and eating half-burnt microwave popcorn. and here's the reason i hate episodes like this the most: because i know that i could change it, if i wanted to but i'm too lazy or uninspired or something. in the end, it's all my fault, and i can't blame it on anything or anyone else, so i decide that insted of obsessing about it or trying to change it, i'll keep on faking it and burying my emotions and ignoring what the nostalgia means and be the same person everyone thinks i am, the person i've convinced myself that i am (most of the time) because it's easier and less painful.
HERE IS THE FUNNY PART
i have a kid in m modern lit class who looks like elijah wood. and i don't mean if you take off your glasses and glance up with your hair in your eyes he kind of resembles elijah wood if it's dark. the kid looks exactly like elijah wood. the first day he walked in i actually did at least a triple take and of course the first thought in my overactive imagination was "oh my gosh! elijah wood is researching a movie role and he's in my classroom!" but devon (the kid's name) is too tall to be elijah wood. he never says a word in my class. ever. i finally was talking to him the other day and i said i coudn't get over how much he looks like elijah wood. he said he hears it a lot and he used to have longer hair and he looked a lot like frodo. he hair is short and very black now. i told him not to worry if i star at him a lot in class, it's just because i can't get over the resemblance. i also told him i'm going to take a picture of him to show to everyone i know because i can't get over the resemblance.
i think a kid in my 8th period has a crush on me. the kids always tease him about flirting with me and the other day in class, another kid asked him when he was going to marry me. i pulled him aside after class and told him not to say anything about it anymore and he said okay, but i know i blushed about maroon when he said it in class. AWKWARD.one of my students told another teacher, who told me, that they can't believe it's my first year and i'm a really good teacher and i'm really smart, which made me feel good.
i made lunch yesterday for the whole english department (we take turns on fridays) and so i took a big crock pot of turkey vegetable soup and bread and two kinds of cookies and i have to say it was a huge hit. i am a rock star in my department. they love me, and i can't blame them. i have also recently discovered the joys of paying my bills online. SO MUCH EASIER.
the other day a kid in my class was wearing a shirt that said "define girlfriend" which would be funny if i was at a club and they guy was 25 and really hot. but when i'm in teacher mode and he's 17 and really spoiled it makes me think that i'll see him on the chanel 3 news for molesting drunk freshmen at a UNLV frat party.
here are some pictures from the last few weekends. most of the captions are messed up because it doesn't look the same when i'm composing it and i can't change it once i look at the preview... anyway, enjoy!!! (i promise, sometime i will clean my apartment and take pictures. but today is not that day.)
"i'm under attack again my dear, i'm in the way
got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
and still if i yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?"
nostalgia is a funny thing. for me, at least. i've discovered that i have a tendency to feel nostalgia for things i never had. i realized this for the first time a few months ago when i got to thinking about the tv show "The Wonder Years" and i was missing that show. but i didn't know if i was missing the show because i liked the show or because it reminded me of my childhood. but did it remind me of my childhood because i watched it as a child or because it took place during kevin arnold's childhood? or was it making me miss a childhood in the 60's that i never had? why was a so melencholy when i was thinking about it? maybe melencholy isn't the word. then last night i went to see the movie elizabethtown with my friend gwen. the bulk of the movie is set in a small town in kentucky, which made me a little sad because it reminded me of home. there are lots of shots of driving and the roads looked like home a little. not totally because there were lots of trees and very few cornfields, but it was a helluva lot closer than the desert and mountains. and then there was this small town. and i started feeling nostalgic for my childhood and my small town. but the small town wasn't really anything like jamestown. there was a courthouse. it wasn't really like an of the small towns i know. it wasn't like lebanon, because it was too small, and too big to be jamestown. the closest small town that i can think of is streator, but anyone who knows me very well know that streator just confuses me most of the time, and that i rarely miss it when i'm not there, or when i am there for that matter. and this really distubs me. why am i nostalgic for things that never happened in my life? is that normal? it can't be normal. nostalgia has two meanings: 1) a bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations from the past, and 2) the condition of being homesick; homesickness. i think there is an implied idea that these were events that a person actually experienced. how can i be nostalgic for the 1960's of the wonder years when it's probalby not accurate, and i didn't live through it.
and here is my fear: that one day, everyone will realize that i'm just faking it all. the happy, the sad, the funny, the smart, the... i just feel like my whole life i've been pretending to be this one person and i've never taken the time to figure out if that's really who i am. and if it is who i really am, i'm kind of depressed, because it's not a very impressive being. i think the thing that really scares me is how successfully i have faked it. i faked high school and got a scholarship. then i faked all of college, got a degree, great recommendations, an outstanding future educator award, a second place sports feature award, a diplome with a little sticker that says "cum laude," and a good job. now i've got my job, my career that i faked myself into, and i'm getting praise, BUT I'M STILL FAKING IT. people are telling me i'm a good teacher, and my students are telling other teachers that they can't believe it's my first year and that i'm so smart and it's all fake. i stand up in front of my classes for 80 minutes three times a day and i don't have a clue what i'm talking about. i'm currently teaching the poem "the waste land" in my modern lit class and if it wasn't for sparknotes.com, i wouldn't have a clue what it's about.
i have a friend from college, and we made a marriage pact. if we're not married by the time we turn 26, we marry each other. actually, it's by the time i turn 26, because my birthday is earlier. and pretty soon i'm going to turn 26 (two years isn't THAT soon, i reailze) and i'm going to plan to marry him and he'll tell me that he was joking all along and he thought i was too, and he doesn't want to marry me "because i'm like a sister to him" or some bullshit like that and it will break my heart.
last night i went out to eat with gwen and we had a pretty hot waiter named jared (who reminded me of the tv show the pretender and i started wondering if it was still on tv) who smiled at me an awful lot and i should have left him my number, but i didn't because i'm a big chicken.
by monday i'll be embarrased hat i wrote all this stuff on here and you all could read it, and you'll all be angry because it's not funny (at least it's not supposed to be) and worried because i seem so sad and this will go down as a negative memory. but oh well.
and i hate when i get like this because it's so pointless. i don't solve anything and i feel pathetic for being so neurotic about things that just do not matter because i am so lucky and i have no room to complain about anything. i always think of that line from ever after where anjelica houston says "some people read because they cannot think for themselves" and i wonder if that's me? i don't like thinking. there are never any answers and i just end up thinking in circles (much like i'm doing now) and i never feel as though i'm thinking deeply enough (somewhere along the line i developed this idea that if i'm not entertaining an internal conversation worthy of descartes or socrates, i'm not good enough) and so i just go read someone else's thoughts on the situation. is that why i like to read so much? to escape my own brain and just piggyback on someone else? my whole life i've been standing on the shoulders of giants, and half the time i end up convincing people that i am really that tall. and so i focus on other people's thoughts. i've made plans to spend my life teaching young people about other people's thoughts.
i worry that i'm out of touch with my emotions. my grandmother died in may and i've still yet to cry a lot about it. the tears never come at an appropriate time. almost half a year later and i hven't cried yet? am i a robot? is that why i listen to emo? i can't find my own emotions so i live vicariously through someone else's and then i just feel more pathetic because my emotions aren't like that. so i watch a movie to feel better and feel worse because i'm not in love or because i'm not as perfect as the characters, even thought i know that NO ONE is as perfect as movie characters and i know that life isn't a movie, but i still just really want it to be. i'm stopping now. if i don't i'll end up lying on my couch for the next seven hours watching pride and prejudice and eating half-burnt microwave popcorn. and here's the reason i hate episodes like this the most: because i know that i could change it, if i wanted to but i'm too lazy or uninspired or something. in the end, it's all my fault, and i can't blame it on anything or anyone else, so i decide that insted of obsessing about it or trying to change it, i'll keep on faking it and burying my emotions and ignoring what the nostalgia means and be the same person everyone thinks i am, the person i've convinced myself that i am (most of the time) because it's easier and less painful.
HERE IS THE FUNNY PART
i have a kid in m modern lit class who looks like elijah wood. and i don't mean if you take off your glasses and glance up with your hair in your eyes he kind of resembles elijah wood if it's dark. the kid looks exactly like elijah wood. the first day he walked in i actually did at least a triple take and of course the first thought in my overactive imagination was "oh my gosh! elijah wood is researching a movie role and he's in my classroom!" but devon (the kid's name) is too tall to be elijah wood. he never says a word in my class. ever. i finally was talking to him the other day and i said i coudn't get over how much he looks like elijah wood. he said he hears it a lot and he used to have longer hair and he looked a lot like frodo. he hair is short and very black now. i told him not to worry if i star at him a lot in class, it's just because i can't get over the resemblance. i also told him i'm going to take a picture of him to show to everyone i know because i can't get over the resemblance.
i think a kid in my 8th period has a crush on me. the kids always tease him about flirting with me and the other day in class, another kid asked him when he was going to marry me. i pulled him aside after class and told him not to say anything about it anymore and he said okay, but i know i blushed about maroon when he said it in class. AWKWARD.one of my students told another teacher, who told me, that they can't believe it's my first year and i'm a really good teacher and i'm really smart, which made me feel good.
i made lunch yesterday for the whole english department (we take turns on fridays) and so i took a big crock pot of turkey vegetable soup and bread and two kinds of cookies and i have to say it was a huge hit. i am a rock star in my department. they love me, and i can't blame them. i have also recently discovered the joys of paying my bills online. SO MUCH EASIER.
the other day a kid in my class was wearing a shirt that said "define girlfriend" which would be funny if i was at a club and they guy was 25 and really hot. but when i'm in teacher mode and he's 17 and really spoiled it makes me think that i'll see him on the chanel 3 news for molesting drunk freshmen at a UNLV frat party.
here are some pictures from the last few weekends. most of the captions are messed up because it doesn't look the same when i'm composing it and i can't change it once i look at the preview... anyway, enjoy!!! (i promise, sometime i will clean my apartment and take pictures. but today is not that day.)
the venetian at night. the night i saw usher.
palo verde high school's football field with a view of the strip.gwen and i at homecoming.
the flowers i got from mom, dad, jonathan, jennifer and the boys for my birthday.these are some UGLY pelican statues that were on sale at marshall's. can you believe they wanted $40.00 dollars for them!!! $40.00???? for some pelicans?
Thursday, October 13, 2005
argh!! sorry i haven't posted in forever, but this week has been stupid busy. i swear, who knew that adding another class to prepare for would be so much work! anyway, i will post soon, but not tonight because i have to grade tests and make lunch for the whole department tomorrow and bake some cookies and i think my chicken is burning. will post soon!!!! love you all!
sarah :)
sarah :)
Sunday, October 02, 2005
i'm a blog slacker.
i would like to apologize for not posting since last week. i've been lazy. only excuse.
so last saturday night, i went out karaoke-ing with some people at the imperial palace, which is by far the divey-ist casino on the strip. of course, karaoke isn't really a "high class" pastime, so it was appropriate that the bar was was at that particular locale. i was going to sing, but by the time i'd figured out something to sing it was really late, and they wouldn't have called my name until really late and i didn't want to be there forever. we left around 2:00 or 2:30, pretty much after the security guards jumped this guy for an undetermined reason. it was crazy. all of a sudden there were 10 security guards and the next thing i knew the guy was on the floor and the manager was pushing our table out of the way (we were right next to the action) and this girl amanda that i met got hit in the head (i told her to sue the imperial palace and buy me a new car...but that might have been the beer talking). after all that happened, i decided that pancakes were necessary and there was a denny's right down the street.
we decided to go to the venetian to check it out before we went to denny's, because they're all kind of right together. at venetian, we went inside to check it out, and usher (THE usher) walked right past us! i was fairly unimpressed for a few reasons: 1) after working all summer at "the fancy hotel," walking past a celebrity doesn't make me crazy (unless it's orlando bloom, justin timberlake, etc)--i'd prefer to talk to them. 2) i was really more concerned with pancakes at denny's than pretty much anything else at the moment. 3) i'd developed a fairly severe case of ADD owing to exhaustion and alcohol. gwen (one of the people i was out with) had never seen a celebrity before and she decided that her life felt pretty unimpressive. there was a rumor that paris hilton was also in that particular club (the one usher was leaving) and there were crowds of people literally just hanging out outside the club with cameras waiting for someone famous to come out. i just wanted pancakes.
i told one of my key club students that i saw him (usher) and she asked why i didn't freak out and i kind of had to make something up about how i wasn't a very big fan or something, because i didn't want to say, "well ali, i was drunk, and only cared about denny's." that would not be good.
during my key club officer's meeting last week, my kids were looking through my ipod and told me that i was "hip" because i have cool music on my computer. i was happy.
key club was having a car wash yesterday, so i decided to make an appearance and decided that if i showed up with cookies, i would be the best club advisor ever. halfway through the cookies, i realized that i didn't have two ingredients, so i had to put the bowl in the fridge, take a shower, and run to walmart to make the rest of the cookies. they were a success, and i am now the coolest advisor at palo verde high school. yay me.
last night was the homecoming dance, and i went as a chaperone, so i did my hair all pretty-like and threw on a dress and scarf and was amazed that the dance. here are some things that shocked me:
1) a hummer limo in the parking lot. now, many of you know that i feel like the hummer limo is the white trash of the limo family--ostentatious, ridiculous, ugly.
2) BUSSES in the parking lot! some kids had rented a BUS. a FREAKING BUS!!
3) one of the students who was wearing a dress that literally looked like something julia roberts would have worn in the beginning of pretty woman--extremely short (i mean, a centimeter shorter and her ass would have been hanging out), VERY tight.
4) the shortness of the freshman boys
5) the freshman girls who looked older than me
6) the fact that one of my students said i looked "gorgeous." i mean, i did, but she didn't have to say that. :)
7) the searchlights that were in front of the school. i was following them looking for a new gas station and free hot dogs.
it was a good time. and my hair looked really good. i wanted to go out after, because i didn't want to waste my good hair and makeup, but i didn't have anyone to go out with. *tear*
i wore jeans to church today--it felt devious. i also wore a golf shirt, and yes friends, i did pop my collar.
yesterday at the car wash, sevral kids had slurpees and i decided to get one on the way home. i haven't had a slurpee in years and did you know they have a green apple flavor!! it's amazing! i think i might get another one today. addicive personality? perhaps.
breaking bonaduce makes me never want to get married. that probably means i should stop watching it, but unfortunately, it tv heroin and if i stop, i get dt's and will end up crying in the shower and i'd miss school tomorrow.
i think that's all i have for right now. i'll probably post some pictures later.
oh! one of the teachers in my department is married to a british man, and jokingly, i asked her if she could give me tips on how to marry a british man, because it is one of my goals in life, and she said there is an irish pub at the new york, new york where a lot of them hang out. i made a joke about marrying orlando bloom, and she said her husband is from near canterbury, where orlando bloom is from and her husband has friends who know him (orlando). so i figure we're practially engaged! i know someone who's husband knows someone who knows orlando bloom. i'm thinking next november for the wedding...
so last saturday night, i went out karaoke-ing with some people at the imperial palace, which is by far the divey-ist casino on the strip. of course, karaoke isn't really a "high class" pastime, so it was appropriate that the bar was was at that particular locale. i was going to sing, but by the time i'd figured out something to sing it was really late, and they wouldn't have called my name until really late and i didn't want to be there forever. we left around 2:00 or 2:30, pretty much after the security guards jumped this guy for an undetermined reason. it was crazy. all of a sudden there were 10 security guards and the next thing i knew the guy was on the floor and the manager was pushing our table out of the way (we were right next to the action) and this girl amanda that i met got hit in the head (i told her to sue the imperial palace and buy me a new car...but that might have been the beer talking). after all that happened, i decided that pancakes were necessary and there was a denny's right down the street.
we decided to go to the venetian to check it out before we went to denny's, because they're all kind of right together. at venetian, we went inside to check it out, and usher (THE usher) walked right past us! i was fairly unimpressed for a few reasons: 1) after working all summer at "the fancy hotel," walking past a celebrity doesn't make me crazy (unless it's orlando bloom, justin timberlake, etc)--i'd prefer to talk to them. 2) i was really more concerned with pancakes at denny's than pretty much anything else at the moment. 3) i'd developed a fairly severe case of ADD owing to exhaustion and alcohol. gwen (one of the people i was out with) had never seen a celebrity before and she decided that her life felt pretty unimpressive. there was a rumor that paris hilton was also in that particular club (the one usher was leaving) and there were crowds of people literally just hanging out outside the club with cameras waiting for someone famous to come out. i just wanted pancakes.
i told one of my key club students that i saw him (usher) and she asked why i didn't freak out and i kind of had to make something up about how i wasn't a very big fan or something, because i didn't want to say, "well ali, i was drunk, and only cared about denny's." that would not be good.
during my key club officer's meeting last week, my kids were looking through my ipod and told me that i was "hip" because i have cool music on my computer. i was happy.
key club was having a car wash yesterday, so i decided to make an appearance and decided that if i showed up with cookies, i would be the best club advisor ever. halfway through the cookies, i realized that i didn't have two ingredients, so i had to put the bowl in the fridge, take a shower, and run to walmart to make the rest of the cookies. they were a success, and i am now the coolest advisor at palo verde high school. yay me.
last night was the homecoming dance, and i went as a chaperone, so i did my hair all pretty-like and threw on a dress and scarf and was amazed that the dance. here are some things that shocked me:
1) a hummer limo in the parking lot. now, many of you know that i feel like the hummer limo is the white trash of the limo family--ostentatious, ridiculous, ugly.
2) BUSSES in the parking lot! some kids had rented a BUS. a FREAKING BUS!!
3) one of the students who was wearing a dress that literally looked like something julia roberts would have worn in the beginning of pretty woman--extremely short (i mean, a centimeter shorter and her ass would have been hanging out), VERY tight.
4) the shortness of the freshman boys
5) the freshman girls who looked older than me
6) the fact that one of my students said i looked "gorgeous." i mean, i did, but she didn't have to say that. :)
7) the searchlights that were in front of the school. i was following them looking for a new gas station and free hot dogs.
it was a good time. and my hair looked really good. i wanted to go out after, because i didn't want to waste my good hair and makeup, but i didn't have anyone to go out with. *tear*
i wore jeans to church today--it felt devious. i also wore a golf shirt, and yes friends, i did pop my collar.
yesterday at the car wash, sevral kids had slurpees and i decided to get one on the way home. i haven't had a slurpee in years and did you know they have a green apple flavor!! it's amazing! i think i might get another one today. addicive personality? perhaps.
breaking bonaduce makes me never want to get married. that probably means i should stop watching it, but unfortunately, it tv heroin and if i stop, i get dt's and will end up crying in the shower and i'd miss school tomorrow.
i think that's all i have for right now. i'll probably post some pictures later.
oh! one of the teachers in my department is married to a british man, and jokingly, i asked her if she could give me tips on how to marry a british man, because it is one of my goals in life, and she said there is an irish pub at the new york, new york where a lot of them hang out. i made a joke about marrying orlando bloom, and she said her husband is from near canterbury, where orlando bloom is from and her husband has friends who know him (orlando). so i figure we're practially engaged! i know someone who's husband knows someone who knows orlando bloom. i'm thinking next november for the wedding...
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