I honestly hadn't realized how long it had been since my last post (june 3!), which was my impassioned request that everyone read The Road, which is a belief i still firmly espouse.
so...summer was good. i relaxed and spent a long time in indiana, which was amazing. i loved being back there, especially since my parents now have a trampoline at their house. plus, my roommate alison came out to visit and we went to chicago for a few days. that visit just made me miss chicago A LOT. and my friend nicole got married, so i got to see most of my college girls. once i got back to vegas, i spent a lot of time reading and hanging out on my couch, which was AMAZING. call me lazy ("lazy") but i love sitting around on my couch watching tv and movies and reading.
i tried to read The Catcher in the Rye this summer, because it's on my book list, and my students always read it, but i couldn't get past page 50. i really just hate that book. everyone says i should have read it when i was younger, because it's written for 16 year olds and of course i'm going to hate it at my age. but i'm not sure i would have liked it when i was 16--the whole "i'm going to rebel because people don't treat me like an adult so i'll just show them how adult i can be" phase was never very appealing to me. i seemed like such a waste of time to waste energy on doing thingsi wasn't allowed to do when i could just wait two years and do them anyway. plus, i had a job and financial responsibilities at 16, which are two markers of adulthood. i'm not saying i was some paragon of maturity (i bought several *nsync cd's around that time), but i do think, that in some ways, i was a little more...grounded...than your average teenager. and reading back over that, i realize just how egotistical and self-centered that sounded. oh well.
speaking of *nsync, guess who has tickets to the new kids on the block concert on oct. 11?!?!?! i also purchased their new cd with very little shame. it's not the worst cd i've spent money on, but it's not great. it's a pretty solidly mediocre r&b album featuring 5 guys in their late '30s who are trying to reclaim the notoriety they had when they were in their early '20s. plus, my friend claire told me today that they're having their after party at LAX (a club here in town), and my friend lacey's sister lindsay knows someone who works at the door there, so we're thinking about going. 11-year-old me is completely insane at the idea of seeing DONNIE WHALBERG in person. of course, they'll be upstairs at a table and we'll be buried on the floor with the rest of the peasantry. i'm hoping that lacey will be able to get us to their table. one of her major talents is getting into vip areas with celebrities. (fingers crossed!)
school is going pretty well. actually, compared to last year, it's going phenominally (now officially a word). i have a new class--Modern lit Honors, and it's amazing. i love my kids in all my classes...i'm just having so much fun this year. so much better than last year. i just wanted to beat my head against a wall a lot of the time then.
i also read the twilight series, despite my fervent vows that i would never sink to such literary depths. and i loved them. i'm re-readng the last one right now, and have a bit of a mental countdown to the movie. i kind of hate myself for it. but they were good. and now i desperatly want a boyfriend. desperately. i'm not sure if that's because of the books, or if it's just time for my quarterly "desperate for a boyfriend" phase.
so i'm going to go grade papers now. or read Breaking Dawn some more. three guesses to which of those options actually happens. and there are only two options.
no wonder i don't have a boyfriend.
i'll try to be better about posting. if it gets bad again, adriane, heidi, light a fire under my ass.
and adriane, those kids ARE getting one hell of an education. (we have an amazing science department...)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
this is not going to be an amusing post, but it will be serious and heartfelt, which is a departure for me.
I just finished reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which I started reading this morning. I couldn't stop reading it.
It is, without a doubt one of the best books I've read in the last few years, and easily in my top ten books of all time. I started reading it this morning during one of my finals, and I had to put it down because I started crying on page 55 and was still crying when I got to page 63. I decided that quietly weeping was probably a distraction to my students who were trying to take their final exam. When I got home from work today, I sat down and didn't stop until I'd finished the entire thing. By the end, I was weeping so hard I couldn't get my breath and I had tears (mixed with mascara) pouring down my face. I have never been affected so strongly by a book, which is saying something (I read a lot of books). I cried on and off for the next hour, and I had to stop talking to my roommate about it, because I got choked up whenever I tried. I tried to read the back cover to her, and barely got through it. It is amazing. I don't know if I have the words to describe how powerful and moving it is. It's at once agonizing and beautiful, hopeless and utterly hopeful. It's the most terrifying thing in the world, but also infinitely soothing and reassuring.
Read it.
Here's the quote from the back cover:
A father and son walk alone through burned America. Nothing moves in the ravaged landscape save the ash on the wind. It is cold enough to crack stones, and when the snow falls it is gray. the sky is dark. Their destination is the coast, although they don't know what, if anything, awaits them there. they have nothing: just a pistol to defend themselves against the lawless bands that stalk the road, the clothes they are wearing, a cart of scavenged food--and each other. is the profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in which no hope remains, but in which the father and his son, "each the other's world entire," are sustained by love.
Read it.
Here's the passage on page 55 that initiated my tears:
No lists of things to be done. They providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes. So, he whispered to the sleeping boy. I have you.
Read it.
Please don't ask me what's so great about it--I'm not sure I can say why. I just know that I cried like I haven't since I read The Island of the Blue Dolphins in 5th grade, after I finished I was so exhausted the only thing I could do was watch the palm tree in the back yard swaying in the wind, and I still have a headache from the rush of emotions I experienced in (especially) the last 20 pages.
Read it.
To quote The New York Times, "[It] offers nothing in the way of escape or comfort." Be forewarned. After school today I stopped by my friend Pat's room to talk about the book. Pat's retiring this year, which means she's been teaching for at least 30 years, and she's read EVERYTHING. She's an English teacher, but her brain is reserved for AP and high honors classes. She teaches and challenges the best students in our school (who are intimidatingly smart, and by which I mean they're in MENSA). Pat doesn't get very impressed about literature. When I mentioned this book to her (I knew she'd read it), she gushed. Pat doesn't gush. I've never seen her speak so passionately about a piece of literature. She always speaks academically about books, and with this one, she spoke emotionally. That only bolstered my reaction to it.
Read it.
Be emotionally prepared for it, because it will put your emotions through the ringer. I don't want to say anything more, because I don't want to cheapen the experience I had with this novel with too many words. I hope you read it. I hope it impacts you like it did me. If you read it, and if it impacts you, give me a call or send me an email. I'd love to talk to you about it.
Read it.
I just finished reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which I started reading this morning. I couldn't stop reading it.
It is, without a doubt one of the best books I've read in the last few years, and easily in my top ten books of all time. I started reading it this morning during one of my finals, and I had to put it down because I started crying on page 55 and was still crying when I got to page 63. I decided that quietly weeping was probably a distraction to my students who were trying to take their final exam. When I got home from work today, I sat down and didn't stop until I'd finished the entire thing. By the end, I was weeping so hard I couldn't get my breath and I had tears (mixed with mascara) pouring down my face. I have never been affected so strongly by a book, which is saying something (I read a lot of books). I cried on and off for the next hour, and I had to stop talking to my roommate about it, because I got choked up whenever I tried. I tried to read the back cover to her, and barely got through it. It is amazing. I don't know if I have the words to describe how powerful and moving it is. It's at once agonizing and beautiful, hopeless and utterly hopeful. It's the most terrifying thing in the world, but also infinitely soothing and reassuring.
Read it.
Here's the quote from the back cover:
A father and son walk alone through burned America. Nothing moves in the ravaged landscape save the ash on the wind. It is cold enough to crack stones, and when the snow falls it is gray. the sky is dark. Their destination is the coast, although they don't know what, if anything, awaits them there. they have nothing: just a pistol to defend themselves against the lawless bands that stalk the road, the clothes they are wearing, a cart of scavenged food--and each other. is the profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in which no hope remains, but in which the father and his son, "each the other's world entire," are sustained by love.
Read it.
Here's the passage on page 55 that initiated my tears:
No lists of things to be done. They providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes. So, he whispered to the sleeping boy. I have you.
Read it.
Please don't ask me what's so great about it--I'm not sure I can say why. I just know that I cried like I haven't since I read The Island of the Blue Dolphins in 5th grade, after I finished I was so exhausted the only thing I could do was watch the palm tree in the back yard swaying in the wind, and I still have a headache from the rush of emotions I experienced in (especially) the last 20 pages.
Read it.
To quote The New York Times, "[It] offers nothing in the way of escape or comfort." Be forewarned. After school today I stopped by my friend Pat's room to talk about the book. Pat's retiring this year, which means she's been teaching for at least 30 years, and she's read EVERYTHING. She's an English teacher, but her brain is reserved for AP and high honors classes. She teaches and challenges the best students in our school (who are intimidatingly smart, and by which I mean they're in MENSA). Pat doesn't get very impressed about literature. When I mentioned this book to her (I knew she'd read it), she gushed. Pat doesn't gush. I've never seen her speak so passionately about a piece of literature. She always speaks academically about books, and with this one, she spoke emotionally. That only bolstered my reaction to it.
Read it.
Be emotionally prepared for it, because it will put your emotions through the ringer. I don't want to say anything more, because I don't want to cheapen the experience I had with this novel with too many words. I hope you read it. I hope it impacts you like it did me. If you read it, and if it impacts you, give me a call or send me an email. I'd love to talk to you about it.
Read it.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
is it really that easy?
have you seen the commercial for taco bell with the bacon club chalupa?
it starts out with two women out at the bar (ostensibly trying to pick up guys) and one woman shows the other woman that she has a bacon club chalupa in her purse. woman #2 says something along the lines of "why do you have that in your purse?" and women #1 replies "guys love bacon." then, there are three pretty attractive guys at their table trying to talk to them. is it that easy? alison and i were watching TV and when i saw that i told alison i'd carry bacon on me at all time. she said she would too, which is even funnier because she's a vegetarian.
that let to a conversation about bacon undergarments, including a bacon bra, which i termed a "bracon" (prounounced 'brah-con'). i also talked about bacon undergarments (a b-string).
this is how i'll find my future husband i guess.
i wonder if any specific brand works better than others.
it starts out with two women out at the bar (ostensibly trying to pick up guys) and one woman shows the other woman that she has a bacon club chalupa in her purse. woman #2 says something along the lines of "why do you have that in your purse?" and women #1 replies "guys love bacon." then, there are three pretty attractive guys at their table trying to talk to them. is it that easy? alison and i were watching TV and when i saw that i told alison i'd carry bacon on me at all time. she said she would too, which is even funnier because she's a vegetarian.
that let to a conversation about bacon undergarments, including a bacon bra, which i termed a "bracon" (prounounced 'brah-con'). i also talked about bacon undergarments (a b-string).
this is how i'll find my future husband i guess.
i wonder if any specific brand works better than others.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
i'm hot as hell, and i'm not going to take it anymore
it's 90 degrees out today. IN APRIL.
someone is pissed.
(she has red hair)
however, alison and i refuse to turn on the A/C because it's gonna get cooler tomorrow ("cooler" being the mid 70's) and we'll be okay then.
five p.m. is the worst TV hour on my tv. only when i'm downstairs. upstairs, I get abc family and I can watch gilmore girls, but we don't get gilmore girls downstairs (we've sacrificed to have BBC america--totally worth it).
i don't really have anything to say, but i hadn't updated in a while, and i was feeling guilty. let's see...i need to write a test tonight for In Cold Blood, but it's too hot. i just want to sit in front of the tv watching "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" because it's the only thing on and i'm too hot to morv, let alone think. actually, i'm not that hot, but it's a good excuse to avoid writing a test. I HATE WRITING TESTS with every last fiber of my being.
Will smith is currently wearing a neon yellow sweatsuit--the kind with the swishy material and the matching jacket that were cool in the 90's and which one still sees on grandmothers at the grocery store on tuesday mornings.
just saw the credits--i had forgotten that they were spray painted to look like grafitti on the screen. I miss the 90's. there have been few decades that were as tacky. don't get me wrong, the 70's and 80's were pretty bad, but they were tacky in an ironic sort of way. the 90's were just tacky. with no irony. which makes them awesome, because you can just revel in the tack.
now, this is the story all about how
my life got twist-turned upside down
and i'd like to take a minute (just sit right there)
i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel-air
in west philadelphia, born and raised
on the playground is where i spent most of my days
chillin' out max and relaxin' on cool and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school (skool)
'til a couple of guys, they were up to no good
started makin' trouble in my neighborhood.
i got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said
"you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air"
i whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror
if anything, i could say that this cab was rare, but i though "nah, forget it"
"yo homes--to bel-air"
i pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabbie
"yo homes, smell ya later"
i looked at my kingdom, i was finally there
to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air
a few thoughts on the lyrics to that song:
1. why does he decide to "forget" about saying that the "cab was rare"? does it really take so much time to say "hey, that cab is rare." what does he mean by rare? not cooked for very long? unique? and what are the odds that the license plate said "fresh"?
2. why does it matter what time he pulled up the house? he never told us what time he left philly, so it's not like he's trying to gain sympathy for his arduous journey. there's also a pretty big gap of time between 7 and 8. 60 minutes to be exact. i can see saying, "i pulled up around 7." but not saying "i pulled up sometime in the 60 minutes between 7 and 8." also, am or pm? is that significant?
3. how does one "relax on cool"? possibilities: sitting on an ice sculpture, laying on a bed with sheets that say "cool," doing a drug called cool which causes one to relax (which means the drug is a depressant or barbiturate)...i'm sure there are more.
4. bel-air is not a monarchy. since it's part of the U.S., it's a democratic republic, like the rest of the country, so he can't be the prince of it. at least, not without a coup of some sort.
someone is an english teacher and reads way too much into EVERYTHING. (sorry heidi and adriane, i stole your thunder.)
i'm gonna stop wasting your time now and go cook dinner, which may end up being cereal because i'm too hot to cook.
bugger.
someone is pissed.
(she has red hair)
however, alison and i refuse to turn on the A/C because it's gonna get cooler tomorrow ("cooler" being the mid 70's) and we'll be okay then.
five p.m. is the worst TV hour on my tv. only when i'm downstairs. upstairs, I get abc family and I can watch gilmore girls, but we don't get gilmore girls downstairs (we've sacrificed to have BBC america--totally worth it).
i don't really have anything to say, but i hadn't updated in a while, and i was feeling guilty. let's see...i need to write a test tonight for In Cold Blood, but it's too hot. i just want to sit in front of the tv watching "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" because it's the only thing on and i'm too hot to morv, let alone think. actually, i'm not that hot, but it's a good excuse to avoid writing a test. I HATE WRITING TESTS with every last fiber of my being.
Will smith is currently wearing a neon yellow sweatsuit--the kind with the swishy material and the matching jacket that were cool in the 90's and which one still sees on grandmothers at the grocery store on tuesday mornings.
just saw the credits--i had forgotten that they were spray painted to look like grafitti on the screen. I miss the 90's. there have been few decades that were as tacky. don't get me wrong, the 70's and 80's were pretty bad, but they were tacky in an ironic sort of way. the 90's were just tacky. with no irony. which makes them awesome, because you can just revel in the tack.
now, this is the story all about how
my life got twist-turned upside down
and i'd like to take a minute (just sit right there)
i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel-air
in west philadelphia, born and raised
on the playground is where i spent most of my days
chillin' out max and relaxin' on cool and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school (skool)
'til a couple of guys, they were up to no good
started makin' trouble in my neighborhood.
i got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said
"you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air"
i whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror
if anything, i could say that this cab was rare, but i though "nah, forget it"
"yo homes--to bel-air"
i pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabbie
"yo homes, smell ya later"
i looked at my kingdom, i was finally there
to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air
a few thoughts on the lyrics to that song:
1. why does he decide to "forget" about saying that the "cab was rare"? does it really take so much time to say "hey, that cab is rare." what does he mean by rare? not cooked for very long? unique? and what are the odds that the license plate said "fresh"?
2. why does it matter what time he pulled up the house? he never told us what time he left philly, so it's not like he's trying to gain sympathy for his arduous journey. there's also a pretty big gap of time between 7 and 8. 60 minutes to be exact. i can see saying, "i pulled up around 7." but not saying "i pulled up sometime in the 60 minutes between 7 and 8." also, am or pm? is that significant?
3. how does one "relax on cool"? possibilities: sitting on an ice sculpture, laying on a bed with sheets that say "cool," doing a drug called cool which causes one to relax (which means the drug is a depressant or barbiturate)...i'm sure there are more.
4. bel-air is not a monarchy. since it's part of the U.S., it's a democratic republic, like the rest of the country, so he can't be the prince of it. at least, not without a coup of some sort.
someone is an english teacher and reads way too much into EVERYTHING. (sorry heidi and adriane, i stole your thunder.)
i'm gonna stop wasting your time now and go cook dinner, which may end up being cereal because i'm too hot to cook.
bugger.
Monday, April 14, 2008
bloggity blog blog blog
my friend gwen told me that my blogs are too long and she doesn't like to read them, and all this time i'd been feeling inferior because my blogs were so short, which is part of why i don't update very often--i feel like i have to make it 3 pages long for it to be worth anything (it's the english major in me). since i have to make it so long, i get a little bit of blog anxiety (a new disorder I just invented) and true to my "fight or flight" tendency (flight), I don't do it.
did that make any sense? if not, read it again.
i don't want to teach...i just want to lay in my bed all day...
i don't want to grade...i just want to watch my tv all day.
welcome to 4th quarter, ladies and gentlemen. couple general 4th quarter apathy with the impressively low academic abilities of my students, and it's pretty clear why I don't want to look at the crap they turn in to me.
we're reading In Cold Blood by truman capote in my modern lit class, which i was really excited about--i really thought it was something they'd enjoy and would get into, but most of them aren't reading it. it's pretty depressing. the funny part is that they're all going on sparknotes, which i've looked at, and they're really terrible for this book. which means they're all failing my quizzes. which makes the sadistic part of me really happy. vengeful? never.
today was staff development, and at the end of they day, the committee had kind of a "showcase" of student work. we saw roller coasters built by the physics classes, drawings by art students, a song and a dance from spanish, a dramatic speech from the speech and debate team, and an impromptu debate, from the same team. their debate was about whether or not teachers should be randomly drug tested, and one of the students quoted the rap lyric "smoke all night / drink all day / that to me is the american way." it was a pretty big hit. the kid who was arguing for drug testing prefaced his speech with a request that his teachers not lower his grades because of it. it was really cool.
then, we went into the cafeteria for performances from the choir and polynesian club. the other four groups that went took about 30 minutes total. the last two groups took 40. the choir sang five (count 'em!) songs, and the polynesian club did three dances. now, i'm okay with these groups performing, but it was not a choir concert--one song would have done nicely to show us what they were capable of.
however, the boys in the choir wore sparkly silver vests. i'm fairly certain a male person DID NOT pick out those costumes.
On a different note, alison and I have been eating amazingly well lately. friday, i made indian food with fake chicken and broccoli and lime-coconut rice. and then last night, alison made fake ribs and corn on the cob and i made some mashed potatoes. then tonight, i made baked potatoes... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. we're also addicted to strawberries, which I guess are in season out here. we invented something amazing on friday night: strawberry boats. take a giant strawberry, cut it in half, and then put about four inches of whipped cream on it. if you get whipped cream on your nose, you have enough whipped cream. today, we had strawberries, but with just splenda on them, because strawberry boats are something than can only be enjoyed on special occasions.
friday night was a special occasion, because we watched several episode of alias, to which i've gotten alison completely addicted. we try to watch at least two episodes a night. tonight we got three in. we were talking about how much we love alias and we decided that the night we only get through two episodes would be a truly sad night. hopefully that day will never come.
this is long, rambling, and ultimately pretty pointless. and not very funny, all of which i apologize for. i just couldn't think of anything funny.
oooohh! here's something funny: this morning, we were in a staff meeting and alison was sitting next to me, which is never a good idea. someone's address came on the projector screen and it was meteorite circle. i turned to alison and said "i totally want to live on meteorite circle!" alison's response: "It's out of this world."
we literally were laughing so hard (for no reason, because it wasn't that funny) the principal noticed and started giving us mock-dirty looks. he knew how boring it was, so he wasn't really mad, but i think he was mostly confused because NOTHING funny had happened in the last several minutes.
my principal thinks i'm a huge loser most of the time. at least he knows who i am.
almost bedtime (the happiest part of my day!)
did that make any sense? if not, read it again.
i don't want to teach...i just want to lay in my bed all day...
i don't want to grade...i just want to watch my tv all day.
welcome to 4th quarter, ladies and gentlemen. couple general 4th quarter apathy with the impressively low academic abilities of my students, and it's pretty clear why I don't want to look at the crap they turn in to me.
we're reading In Cold Blood by truman capote in my modern lit class, which i was really excited about--i really thought it was something they'd enjoy and would get into, but most of them aren't reading it. it's pretty depressing. the funny part is that they're all going on sparknotes, which i've looked at, and they're really terrible for this book. which means they're all failing my quizzes. which makes the sadistic part of me really happy. vengeful? never.
today was staff development, and at the end of they day, the committee had kind of a "showcase" of student work. we saw roller coasters built by the physics classes, drawings by art students, a song and a dance from spanish, a dramatic speech from the speech and debate team, and an impromptu debate, from the same team. their debate was about whether or not teachers should be randomly drug tested, and one of the students quoted the rap lyric "smoke all night / drink all day / that to me is the american way." it was a pretty big hit. the kid who was arguing for drug testing prefaced his speech with a request that his teachers not lower his grades because of it. it was really cool.
then, we went into the cafeteria for performances from the choir and polynesian club. the other four groups that went took about 30 minutes total. the last two groups took 40. the choir sang five (count 'em!) songs, and the polynesian club did three dances. now, i'm okay with these groups performing, but it was not a choir concert--one song would have done nicely to show us what they were capable of.
however, the boys in the choir wore sparkly silver vests. i'm fairly certain a male person DID NOT pick out those costumes.
On a different note, alison and I have been eating amazingly well lately. friday, i made indian food with fake chicken and broccoli and lime-coconut rice. and then last night, alison made fake ribs and corn on the cob and i made some mashed potatoes. then tonight, i made baked potatoes... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. we're also addicted to strawberries, which I guess are in season out here. we invented something amazing on friday night: strawberry boats. take a giant strawberry, cut it in half, and then put about four inches of whipped cream on it. if you get whipped cream on your nose, you have enough whipped cream. today, we had strawberries, but with just splenda on them, because strawberry boats are something than can only be enjoyed on special occasions.
friday night was a special occasion, because we watched several episode of alias, to which i've gotten alison completely addicted. we try to watch at least two episodes a night. tonight we got three in. we were talking about how much we love alias and we decided that the night we only get through two episodes would be a truly sad night. hopefully that day will never come.
this is long, rambling, and ultimately pretty pointless. and not very funny, all of which i apologize for. i just couldn't think of anything funny.
oooohh! here's something funny: this morning, we were in a staff meeting and alison was sitting next to me, which is never a good idea. someone's address came on the projector screen and it was meteorite circle. i turned to alison and said "i totally want to live on meteorite circle!" alison's response: "It's out of this world."
we literally were laughing so hard (for no reason, because it wasn't that funny) the principal noticed and started giving us mock-dirty looks. he knew how boring it was, so he wasn't really mad, but i think he was mostly confused because NOTHING funny had happened in the last several minutes.
my principal thinks i'm a huge loser most of the time. at least he knows who i am.
almost bedtime (the happiest part of my day!)
Monday, March 31, 2008
scott baio is 46 and trying to kill me...
...which is what a dreamt last night.
this past weekend, i was in reno with my school's debate team (called the forensics team for the duration of this post) for the state tournament, because i'm the forensics lackey (bitch) who goes on the out-of-town trips as the extra chaperon.
in my dream, i was back at the tournament, but it was in beverly hills, not reno, and we were staying at a really fancy hotel. i was in my hotel room, when all of a sudden, this guy jumps out of a closet or somewhere and starts trying to kill me with a telephone cord (he was trying to strangle me with it). apparently, this had happened before, because i wasn't surprised that someone was trying to strangle me--however, i was surprised that it was scott baio. i remember thinking to myself, "That's who's been trying to kill me all this time! He must've forgotten to wear a mask this time. I guess he's trying to kill me because he asked me out and I refused him."
Anyway, I escaped, and ran down to the lobby of the fancy hotel and told the person at the desk that scott baio was trying to kill me, but by the time the police got upstairs, he had escaped. I went back to my room, where he tried to kill me again. I beat him up this time, and then carried his unconscious body down to the lobby, and i made sure to hit his head on every corner i went around. I stopped a few times to talk to students and show them his body that i had beaten up and knocked unconscious.
he must have escaped again when i got him downstairs, because later, i was on the bus with the students, he showed up again, still trying to kill me (he's persistent, i'll give him that). this time, I knew i had to jump off the bus, along with everyone else (we were evacuating). I walk to the front of the bus, and the driver has the door cracked a bit. I remember thinking to myself, "wow, this is going to be difficult. i hope i don't fall." I was extra worried about falling because i was wearing four-inch heels, which are hard to walk in, let alone jump from a moving bus.
I jumped out of the bus, which turned out to be the easiest thing ever. I landed easily on my four-inch heels, and started walking with one of my students, who, in my dream, was a journalist interviewing me about my encounters with scott baio. we walked along for a while, then we realized that we really should be walking with some of the guys, in case someone tried to attack us (someone like scott baio).
we found some other students and started walking with them until we found a restaurant to go to, right in the middle of a swanky beverly hills neighborhood. we went inside and it was kind of like a fancy denney's (if such a thing exists) and then i woke up.
why scott baio?
this past weekend, i was in reno with my school's debate team (called the forensics team for the duration of this post) for the state tournament, because i'm the forensics lackey (bitch) who goes on the out-of-town trips as the extra chaperon.
in my dream, i was back at the tournament, but it was in beverly hills, not reno, and we were staying at a really fancy hotel. i was in my hotel room, when all of a sudden, this guy jumps out of a closet or somewhere and starts trying to kill me with a telephone cord (he was trying to strangle me with it). apparently, this had happened before, because i wasn't surprised that someone was trying to strangle me--however, i was surprised that it was scott baio. i remember thinking to myself, "That's who's been trying to kill me all this time! He must've forgotten to wear a mask this time. I guess he's trying to kill me because he asked me out and I refused him."
Anyway, I escaped, and ran down to the lobby of the fancy hotel and told the person at the desk that scott baio was trying to kill me, but by the time the police got upstairs, he had escaped. I went back to my room, where he tried to kill me again. I beat him up this time, and then carried his unconscious body down to the lobby, and i made sure to hit his head on every corner i went around. I stopped a few times to talk to students and show them his body that i had beaten up and knocked unconscious.
he must have escaped again when i got him downstairs, because later, i was on the bus with the students, he showed up again, still trying to kill me (he's persistent, i'll give him that). this time, I knew i had to jump off the bus, along with everyone else (we were evacuating). I walk to the front of the bus, and the driver has the door cracked a bit. I remember thinking to myself, "wow, this is going to be difficult. i hope i don't fall." I was extra worried about falling because i was wearing four-inch heels, which are hard to walk in, let alone jump from a moving bus.
I jumped out of the bus, which turned out to be the easiest thing ever. I landed easily on my four-inch heels, and started walking with one of my students, who, in my dream, was a journalist interviewing me about my encounters with scott baio. we walked along for a while, then we realized that we really should be walking with some of the guys, in case someone tried to attack us (someone like scott baio).
we found some other students and started walking with them until we found a restaurant to go to, right in the middle of a swanky beverly hills neighborhood. we went inside and it was kind of like a fancy denney's (if such a thing exists) and then i woke up.
why scott baio?
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
here's a great story about the idiot students at my school:
today, my student aide told me about one of her fellow dance team members: apparently, this girl was standing in front of the mirror and said, out loud, in front of the entire team: "so i don't get how you do one lap dance and all of a sudden you're a slut"
this is what i deal with every day.
today, my student aide told me about one of her fellow dance team members: apparently, this girl was standing in front of the mirror and said, out loud, in front of the entire team: "so i don't get how you do one lap dance and all of a sudden you're a slut"
this is what i deal with every day.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
i have a dream...
or, to be grammatically correct, i HAD one. and i'm blogging about it just for alison.
alison has this friend tony...well, she actually has two friends named tony: tall tony (or "big" tony) and tatoo tony. i think you can figure out why i call them that.
tatoo tony is a bit of a rock star. he plays bass in the band for rock star karaoke, and he's very cool; like the cool kids in high school movies. i've met him a few times at various karaoke sessions and a party--he's a really nice guy, but very intimidating (see the abovementioned coolness).
in my dream, alison and i were at a party at tony's house. in my dream, i knew that he had a party every tuesday, and he called it "industry tuesday." so alison and i are there, but the house feels like a college appartment (think brown house, manchester alum)--mismatched couches, crappy wallpaper, and a kitchen that hasn't been cleaned since before prince charles grew into his ears...er...bad analogy. but you get what i mean.
we're hanging out at the party, and i decide to get some food. i wander into the kitchen, and there is a card table with food on it. the food for the party consists of baby carrots, tortilla chips, some pieces of montery-jack cheese, and something else random that i can't really remember. these four things are all in the same bowl, but piled in different areas so they're not mixed together. like a relish tray, without the different sections. needless to say, i didn't eat anything in my dream.
i wander back out to the living room and sit down to talk with tony and alison, but then, there are trick-or-treaters at the door (suddenly) but we have no candy. so alison and i walk outside where we have a conversation with one of my old students and a girl i went to college with (alicia south) about what kind of candy to get for the trick-or-treaters. once we've decided (i don't remember our decision) we had to khols to buy candy. because that's where i fulfill all of my candy needs. khols. we get there, but the khols is more like t.j.maxx and my friend caroline from work is working there for a part time job. i remember feeling superior in my dream that she was working at khols and i was working part time at lane bryant. so much more sophisticated.
after that, we headed back to tony's house (without any candy) and when we get there, we have a conversation about how it's a school night and we have to leave by 10. then suddenly it's the next morning, and i get out of bed (my bed, in my bedroom, which has suddenly moved itself to tony's house) and walk downstairs in sweats and a fleece sweatshirt, barefoot, to get some breakfast, alison and tony are down there, and the floor is dirty (wild party), and they tell me that's it's hot outside, and i'm glad that i don't have to wear my fleece sweatshirt ever again, and i express this joy by saying "now i never have to wear this shirt again." but i don't take it off. logic has no place in my dreams.
i think i woke up sometime after that. regardless, i can't remember what happened after that, so it doesn't really matter.
i went and saw The Other Boleyn Girl tonight with alison and our friend amy. amy kept getting frustrated because she's read the book and apparently, the film is quite different (shock). i kept getting frustrated because it's historical fiction, and so there are parts that were historically inaccurate. which is why it's labeled "historical fiction" instead of "historical." issue number 1: eric bana cast as henry. now, eric bana is h-o-t-t hott. there's a scene where he takes his shirt off...alison and i were happy. but he's a fairly dark complexioned man. with dark brown hair. henry VIII was quite fair skinned, and ruddy cheeked, and had strawberry blonde hair. grrr... but eric bana...HOT!
i'm going to go fold my clean underwear (people think i'm weird for folding my underwear, but it fits better in the drawer that way. thanks mom for making me a freak) and go to bed.
funny story: i don't have any lesson plans for tomorrow!
alison has this friend tony...well, she actually has two friends named tony: tall tony (or "big" tony) and tatoo tony. i think you can figure out why i call them that.
tatoo tony is a bit of a rock star. he plays bass in the band for rock star karaoke, and he's very cool; like the cool kids in high school movies. i've met him a few times at various karaoke sessions and a party--he's a really nice guy, but very intimidating (see the abovementioned coolness).
in my dream, alison and i were at a party at tony's house. in my dream, i knew that he had a party every tuesday, and he called it "industry tuesday." so alison and i are there, but the house feels like a college appartment (think brown house, manchester alum)--mismatched couches, crappy wallpaper, and a kitchen that hasn't been cleaned since before prince charles grew into his ears...er...bad analogy. but you get what i mean.
we're hanging out at the party, and i decide to get some food. i wander into the kitchen, and there is a card table with food on it. the food for the party consists of baby carrots, tortilla chips, some pieces of montery-jack cheese, and something else random that i can't really remember. these four things are all in the same bowl, but piled in different areas so they're not mixed together. like a relish tray, without the different sections. needless to say, i didn't eat anything in my dream.
i wander back out to the living room and sit down to talk with tony and alison, but then, there are trick-or-treaters at the door (suddenly) but we have no candy. so alison and i walk outside where we have a conversation with one of my old students and a girl i went to college with (alicia south) about what kind of candy to get for the trick-or-treaters. once we've decided (i don't remember our decision) we had to khols to buy candy. because that's where i fulfill all of my candy needs. khols. we get there, but the khols is more like t.j.maxx and my friend caroline from work is working there for a part time job. i remember feeling superior in my dream that she was working at khols and i was working part time at lane bryant. so much more sophisticated.
after that, we headed back to tony's house (without any candy) and when we get there, we have a conversation about how it's a school night and we have to leave by 10. then suddenly it's the next morning, and i get out of bed (my bed, in my bedroom, which has suddenly moved itself to tony's house) and walk downstairs in sweats and a fleece sweatshirt, barefoot, to get some breakfast, alison and tony are down there, and the floor is dirty (wild party), and they tell me that's it's hot outside, and i'm glad that i don't have to wear my fleece sweatshirt ever again, and i express this joy by saying "now i never have to wear this shirt again." but i don't take it off. logic has no place in my dreams.
i think i woke up sometime after that. regardless, i can't remember what happened after that, so it doesn't really matter.
i went and saw The Other Boleyn Girl tonight with alison and our friend amy. amy kept getting frustrated because she's read the book and apparently, the film is quite different (shock). i kept getting frustrated because it's historical fiction, and so there are parts that were historically inaccurate. which is why it's labeled "historical fiction" instead of "historical." issue number 1: eric bana cast as henry. now, eric bana is h-o-t-t hott. there's a scene where he takes his shirt off...alison and i were happy. but he's a fairly dark complexioned man. with dark brown hair. henry VIII was quite fair skinned, and ruddy cheeked, and had strawberry blonde hair. grrr... but eric bana...HOT!
i'm going to go fold my clean underwear (people think i'm weird for folding my underwear, but it fits better in the drawer that way. thanks mom for making me a freak) and go to bed.
funny story: i don't have any lesson plans for tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
well, oprah has proved what i always suspected...
...that i'm a genius. dr. oz was on and one person asked if left handed people were smarter than right handed people. i started listening at that point, because i've been looking for proof that i'm extra intelligent since i was very young. dr. oz's response had something to do with the amount of testosterone in the womb when the baby is still in utero (i'm a little fuzzy on the science) and basically, the right side of the brain develops more in left-handed people than usual (usual being right-handed people). according to dr. oz, lefties aren't necessarily smarter, but since our right brain is more developed, we're able to switch back and forth between the two sides of our brains more easily and more quickly. this means we're able to process more different types of information more quickly, so it seems like we're smarter. but i think that was just dr. oz's "polite" answer so he wouldn't offend all the right-handed people in the world. plus, i think he's right handed, so of course he's not going to really tell the truth, which is that the secrets and knowledge of the universe are located in the right side of the brain, and since our left hands work so much more than other peoples', the right brain gets "joggled loose" and all that comes spilling into our consciousness.
my roommate (who's right handed, by the way) thinks that's all ridiculous and that dr. oz is full of it. but that's what i would say too if i'd just found out that i wasn't as smart as me.
we just got done watching supernanny (which is like t.v. crystal meth) and the people were in las vegas, which was cool. speaking of terrible parents, the overbearing honors parent who had been emailing me several times a week about her students has finally stopped. After I'd gotten about four emails in one day i responded and mentioned that one of our goals as a school is for students to learn responsibility, and that it might be better if she had her students (yes, i get to have both of her children) come talk to me personally, instead of using her as an intermediary. and i understand that she's just trying to do right by her kids, and that they probably asked her to contact me, but it was still really annoying. anyway, her daughter came in to talk to me about her grade. i was happy. however, i do know that her daughter and two of her friends (who all have me the same period) talk shit about me during dance class, because my student aide is also in dance and she tells me. i hate two-faced-ness. (new word. double points.)
what else what else what else... i have to give two finals next week, and i haven't written either one. yay!
today, one of my american lit honors students asked if we were going to review for the final exam. i said, "yeah. open your book to the table of contents, find the titles that look familiar and review them. study your notes." i heard a little voice from the back of the classroom say, "i don't have notes." i stopped, looked at them and responded: "that's what we call learning from your mistakes." now before you start cursing me in your head for being cruel and uncaring, i want you to understand that these are juniors in high school, and honors students at that. i know that they learn how to take notes in their first two years of english classes. the fact that they usually don't pull out their notebooks unless i actually tell them to is pathetic. they should know by now that if i'm talking about a story, poem, author, or whatever else, they should be taking notes on it, because it will most likely be on a test. when we read the crucible, most of them didn't take notes at all during the entire play. then they had nothing to study, and most of them failed the test. THEY STILL DIDN'T LEARN THEIR LESSON! this is what i mean when i say my juniors are dumb this year. they just don't get it. and they want everything spoon fed to them. at least my 7th period has personality and interacts with me. my 2nd period just stares at me like dead fish. they're doorknobs, to use caroline's phrase. or feedbags, to use sean's.
it's 10:30 on a school night and i'm up (late) updating my blog.
do you see what you people do to me? :)
my roommate (who's right handed, by the way) thinks that's all ridiculous and that dr. oz is full of it. but that's what i would say too if i'd just found out that i wasn't as smart as me.
we just got done watching supernanny (which is like t.v. crystal meth) and the people were in las vegas, which was cool. speaking of terrible parents, the overbearing honors parent who had been emailing me several times a week about her students has finally stopped. After I'd gotten about four emails in one day i responded and mentioned that one of our goals as a school is for students to learn responsibility, and that it might be better if she had her students (yes, i get to have both of her children) come talk to me personally, instead of using her as an intermediary. and i understand that she's just trying to do right by her kids, and that they probably asked her to contact me, but it was still really annoying. anyway, her daughter came in to talk to me about her grade. i was happy. however, i do know that her daughter and two of her friends (who all have me the same period) talk shit about me during dance class, because my student aide is also in dance and she tells me. i hate two-faced-ness. (new word. double points.)
what else what else what else... i have to give two finals next week, and i haven't written either one. yay!
today, one of my american lit honors students asked if we were going to review for the final exam. i said, "yeah. open your book to the table of contents, find the titles that look familiar and review them. study your notes." i heard a little voice from the back of the classroom say, "i don't have notes." i stopped, looked at them and responded: "that's what we call learning from your mistakes." now before you start cursing me in your head for being cruel and uncaring, i want you to understand that these are juniors in high school, and honors students at that. i know that they learn how to take notes in their first two years of english classes. the fact that they usually don't pull out their notebooks unless i actually tell them to is pathetic. they should know by now that if i'm talking about a story, poem, author, or whatever else, they should be taking notes on it, because it will most likely be on a test. when we read the crucible, most of them didn't take notes at all during the entire play. then they had nothing to study, and most of them failed the test. THEY STILL DIDN'T LEARN THEIR LESSON! this is what i mean when i say my juniors are dumb this year. they just don't get it. and they want everything spoon fed to them. at least my 7th period has personality and interacts with me. my 2nd period just stares at me like dead fish. they're doorknobs, to use caroline's phrase. or feedbags, to use sean's.
it's 10:30 on a school night and i'm up (late) updating my blog.
do you see what you people do to me? :)
Monday, January 07, 2008
"you've got a baby...in a bar..."
once again, i'm blogging because heidi yelled at me for being the worst blogger ever. a moniker i sadly accept. apparently, i respond really well to people being angry at me--it's pretty motivating. this isn't shocking considering how i used to collapse into a sobbing mess whenever my mom would speak to me in any slightly angry tone when i was little. this, of course, in contrast to my brother michael who was amazingly stubborn and would continue doing something after yelling, spanking, time-out, and threats of bodily dismemberment. but i digress...
a few weeks ago, alison (my roommate) and i went to our local pub to get some dinner. previously, it had been our favorite pub because they sold our favorite drink, Magner's cider. well, they stopped selling it, because we were the only people who bought it, and two drinks every three weeks, wasn't lucrative, oddly enough. another reason we liked it was because our favorite bartender, ed, worked there. at least we thought the "work" was a past tense verb. it's also a place to get irish food, which we both love. when we got there, to our surprise, ed was working! we thought he'd quit, because we hadn't seen him in months and there he was! anyway, as we sat down at the bar to have dinner and talk to ed, i happened to look over and realized i saw a very small person at the end of the bar.
by "small person" i don't mean "little person." i mean "infant." of course i pointed it out to alison so we could mock that person's lack of responsibility and the fact that they were about as qualified to rear children as britney spears. i quoted sweet home alabama by telling alison that someone had a "baby...in a bar..."
a couple seconds later, the person holding the baby turned around and we realized it was someone we knew. a fellow teacher, to be exact. a fellow teacher who'd used to work at our school. welcome to las vegas, ladies and gentlemen.
i had never worked with her, because she moved to a different school before i came there, but i had met her when i helped to chaperone a field trip for the debate team, as she's the debate coach at another area high school. she saw us and started walking over to us, which meant alison and i had to curb all the sarcastic and critical comments that were vigorously fighting their way out of our mouths. we weren't able to look at each other very closely while we talked to her.
i also met her husband. and i thought "he looks like the kind of guy who's baby would be in a bar." he was wearing a bright yellow pull-over windbreaker. the kind you buy at the gap in a little nylon bag. the kind you wear when it rains. have i mentioned i live in the desert? yeah. classy.
after we talked to her and then mocked her (after her departure), we started talking to ed, who was incredibly cruel to me (along with alison) for he duration of our visit. at one point, he gave me a sample of some kind of beer, which i didn't care for. i told him i thought it tasted bland. he proceeded to pour me a pint of water and told me that "if i thought that beer was mild, i might like this new 'lake mead brew.'" alison laughed, because she's a sadist.
Today was my first day back at school. i was NOT excited to get up at 5am or put on dress clothes or go to school. and i'm not going to lie: my students are not smart this year. I found out a couple weeks ago that one of the junior english teachers told his students to take modern lit (the senior english class that i teach) because it was really easy. it's not. so, now i have a bunch of classes full of angry, lazy boys who are pissed that my class isn't easy. and, the thermostat in my room is broken, so it's really hot in there and by the end of the day my classroom is really hot and smells like stinky boys. ugh.
let's see... here's why i'm so bad about blogging: nothing exciting happens in my life. people think that my life is exciting and sexy because i live in las vegas, but it's not. think about your high school english teacher. you think his/her life was sexy? no, of course you don't, because teachers don't have sexy lives. well, some do, but they don't stay teachers for very long... but my life is as boring as any other english teacher. i go to work, try to get kids excited about appositives, colons, the scarlet letter, and brave new world, fail miserably, go home, watch friends reruns, eat dinner, grade some papers and go to bed. i do it again the next day. sometimes, funny things happen. the first year they were really funny, but the kids say the same things each year, and they're less funny each time. so it goes.
that being said, one of my favorite quotes from the year so far: "you know, a one night stand lasts one night, but syphilis lasts a lifetime." it was funny, but i found out from my friend jen that syphilis is curable with penicillin. however, genital warts does last a lifetime.
i've had a headache for about three days. stupid stress headaches. stupid lack of caffeine.
i think that might be all she wrote. my students don't enjoy learning how to do research. guess what i get to teach tomorrow? guess how many papers i've graded tonight? guess who might be going to bed at 8:30?
i'll try to do this more often. heidi, adriane, keep yelling at me. mom, you can try, but i think i'm immune to your yelling. i heard it too much in jr. high (don't get me wrong, i totally deserved it.)
a few weeks ago, alison (my roommate) and i went to our local pub to get some dinner. previously, it had been our favorite pub because they sold our favorite drink, Magner's cider. well, they stopped selling it, because we were the only people who bought it, and two drinks every three weeks, wasn't lucrative, oddly enough. another reason we liked it was because our favorite bartender, ed, worked there. at least we thought the "work" was a past tense verb. it's also a place to get irish food, which we both love. when we got there, to our surprise, ed was working! we thought he'd quit, because we hadn't seen him in months and there he was! anyway, as we sat down at the bar to have dinner and talk to ed, i happened to look over and realized i saw a very small person at the end of the bar.
by "small person" i don't mean "little person." i mean "infant." of course i pointed it out to alison so we could mock that person's lack of responsibility and the fact that they were about as qualified to rear children as britney spears. i quoted sweet home alabama by telling alison that someone had a "baby...in a bar..."
a couple seconds later, the person holding the baby turned around and we realized it was someone we knew. a fellow teacher, to be exact. a fellow teacher who'd used to work at our school. welcome to las vegas, ladies and gentlemen.
i had never worked with her, because she moved to a different school before i came there, but i had met her when i helped to chaperone a field trip for the debate team, as she's the debate coach at another area high school. she saw us and started walking over to us, which meant alison and i had to curb all the sarcastic and critical comments that were vigorously fighting their way out of our mouths. we weren't able to look at each other very closely while we talked to her.
i also met her husband. and i thought "he looks like the kind of guy who's baby would be in a bar." he was wearing a bright yellow pull-over windbreaker. the kind you buy at the gap in a little nylon bag. the kind you wear when it rains. have i mentioned i live in the desert? yeah. classy.
after we talked to her and then mocked her (after her departure), we started talking to ed, who was incredibly cruel to me (along with alison) for he duration of our visit. at one point, he gave me a sample of some kind of beer, which i didn't care for. i told him i thought it tasted bland. he proceeded to pour me a pint of water and told me that "if i thought that beer was mild, i might like this new 'lake mead brew.'" alison laughed, because she's a sadist.
Today was my first day back at school. i was NOT excited to get up at 5am or put on dress clothes or go to school. and i'm not going to lie: my students are not smart this year. I found out a couple weeks ago that one of the junior english teachers told his students to take modern lit (the senior english class that i teach) because it was really easy. it's not. so, now i have a bunch of classes full of angry, lazy boys who are pissed that my class isn't easy. and, the thermostat in my room is broken, so it's really hot in there and by the end of the day my classroom is really hot and smells like stinky boys. ugh.
let's see... here's why i'm so bad about blogging: nothing exciting happens in my life. people think that my life is exciting and sexy because i live in las vegas, but it's not. think about your high school english teacher. you think his/her life was sexy? no, of course you don't, because teachers don't have sexy lives. well, some do, but they don't stay teachers for very long... but my life is as boring as any other english teacher. i go to work, try to get kids excited about appositives, colons, the scarlet letter, and brave new world, fail miserably, go home, watch friends reruns, eat dinner, grade some papers and go to bed. i do it again the next day. sometimes, funny things happen. the first year they were really funny, but the kids say the same things each year, and they're less funny each time. so it goes.
that being said, one of my favorite quotes from the year so far: "you know, a one night stand lasts one night, but syphilis lasts a lifetime." it was funny, but i found out from my friend jen that syphilis is curable with penicillin. however, genital warts does last a lifetime.
i've had a headache for about three days. stupid stress headaches. stupid lack of caffeine.
i think that might be all she wrote. my students don't enjoy learning how to do research. guess what i get to teach tomorrow? guess how many papers i've graded tonight? guess who might be going to bed at 8:30?
i'll try to do this more often. heidi, adriane, keep yelling at me. mom, you can try, but i think i'm immune to your yelling. i heard it too much in jr. high (don't get me wrong, i totally deserved it.)
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
and the award for most eventful friday morning goes to....
me. me me me me. we'll begin the story thursday evening...
we had friday off because it was nevada day, so several of us decided to go out and celebrate the fact that we didn't have to be up at 5am. (hooray!) we went to a bar on the strip called blondie's, because they have beer pong tables. i rode down with my friend mike, because i didn't want to drive, and he lives on this side of town. we get down there and realize that on thursdays they have a beer pong tournament, which mike and our other friend sam promptly entered. caroline, lacey, and i sat and played cheerleader for the evening. i figured it was not a big deal that mike (my sober driver) was in the tournament, because i figured he'd lose early and we'd be fine. he didn't lose. until the last game. which came after about 10 other games. and as many of you know, when one plays beer pong, one imbibes a large amount of alcohol in a short amount of time. like my friend mike. luckily, i hadn't been drinking that night, so i was fine to drive his car home. i wasn't about to let him drive, and i certainly wasn't going to take a $70 cab ride from the strip to my house. i decided that since i had stayed sober, i got to decide where i slept that night, and my bed sounded more comfy than mike's couch, so i decided to drive us to my house so he could sleep on my couch.
mike was drunkity drunk drunk drunk. past the point of being funny and squarely into annoying and ridiculous territory. he passed out in the car on he way home--i was afraid he wouldn't wake up. so we get to my house, and i have to lead him in by the hand, because he can't walk. i put him on the couch, give him a bucket, show him the bathroom, and go to bed. the next morning, i get up, my roommate alison and i make fun of him and the morning gets off to a fairly pleasant start. we're sitting watching tv, and mike says he's ready to leave and i get his keys out of their hiding spot (i was afraid he'd find them in the middle of the night and try to drive home) and he puts on his shoes. and then he says something strange: "this is where it gets embarassing..." i kind of look at him, because in my mind, stumbling out of the casino and passing out in the car were embarrassing enough. here's what he says to me (and this is a direct quote)
"last night, in my drunkenness...i pissed myself."
this is the point where i remember that he was lying on my roommate's (very expensive) couch when the pissing occurred. he quickly explains that he'll dry clean the cover, and proceeds to take it off and leave the house. alison (my roommate) and i both buy different kinds of urine cleaner (marketed for people with pets, but appropriate for people with drunk friends) to spray down the cushion, thus eliminating all traces of urine (hopefully) from it.
the cover has been dry-cleaned, the cushion has been sprayed down, and that particular section of couch has been moved to the far end where we never sit. we've also christened it "the pee cushion."
there's a moral to this story: if your friend is super drunk and there's a possibility they might pee their pants, don't let them sleep on your couch. or anything else with fabric. the garage floor might be a nice option. or just put plastic down. or newspaper. like with puppies.
before that (unpleasant) turn of events, there had been a really high point to the evening: my friend lacey had been talking to a british guy, and by the end of the evening, i was sitting at a table with five british guys, and they loved me. i kept calling them english, but then the scottish guy would get mad, because he wasn't english. they were members of the royal air force, in town to pick up some "equipment" (alien spaceship) from nellis air force base (area 51). it was really fun. caroline said that when she left, she looked up and saw me at a table with five guys just hanging on my every word. i enjoyed it.
adriane, i'm sorry. i'll try to be better. you have learned, however, that death threats are excellent motivation.
we had friday off because it was nevada day, so several of us decided to go out and celebrate the fact that we didn't have to be up at 5am. (hooray!) we went to a bar on the strip called blondie's, because they have beer pong tables. i rode down with my friend mike, because i didn't want to drive, and he lives on this side of town. we get down there and realize that on thursdays they have a beer pong tournament, which mike and our other friend sam promptly entered. caroline, lacey, and i sat and played cheerleader for the evening. i figured it was not a big deal that mike (my sober driver) was in the tournament, because i figured he'd lose early and we'd be fine. he didn't lose. until the last game. which came after about 10 other games. and as many of you know, when one plays beer pong, one imbibes a large amount of alcohol in a short amount of time. like my friend mike. luckily, i hadn't been drinking that night, so i was fine to drive his car home. i wasn't about to let him drive, and i certainly wasn't going to take a $70 cab ride from the strip to my house. i decided that since i had stayed sober, i got to decide where i slept that night, and my bed sounded more comfy than mike's couch, so i decided to drive us to my house so he could sleep on my couch.
mike was drunkity drunk drunk drunk. past the point of being funny and squarely into annoying and ridiculous territory. he passed out in the car on he way home--i was afraid he wouldn't wake up. so we get to my house, and i have to lead him in by the hand, because he can't walk. i put him on the couch, give him a bucket, show him the bathroom, and go to bed. the next morning, i get up, my roommate alison and i make fun of him and the morning gets off to a fairly pleasant start. we're sitting watching tv, and mike says he's ready to leave and i get his keys out of their hiding spot (i was afraid he'd find them in the middle of the night and try to drive home) and he puts on his shoes. and then he says something strange: "this is where it gets embarassing..." i kind of look at him, because in my mind, stumbling out of the casino and passing out in the car were embarrassing enough. here's what he says to me (and this is a direct quote)
"last night, in my drunkenness...i pissed myself."
this is the point where i remember that he was lying on my roommate's (very expensive) couch when the pissing occurred. he quickly explains that he'll dry clean the cover, and proceeds to take it off and leave the house. alison (my roommate) and i both buy different kinds of urine cleaner (marketed for people with pets, but appropriate for people with drunk friends) to spray down the cushion, thus eliminating all traces of urine (hopefully) from it.
the cover has been dry-cleaned, the cushion has been sprayed down, and that particular section of couch has been moved to the far end where we never sit. we've also christened it "the pee cushion."
there's a moral to this story: if your friend is super drunk and there's a possibility they might pee their pants, don't let them sleep on your couch. or anything else with fabric. the garage floor might be a nice option. or just put plastic down. or newspaper. like with puppies.
before that (unpleasant) turn of events, there had been a really high point to the evening: my friend lacey had been talking to a british guy, and by the end of the evening, i was sitting at a table with five british guys, and they loved me. i kept calling them english, but then the scottish guy would get mad, because he wasn't english. they were members of the royal air force, in town to pick up some "equipment" (alien spaceship) from nellis air force base (area 51). it was really fun. caroline said that when she left, she looked up and saw me at a table with five guys just hanging on my every word. i enjoyed it.
adriane, i'm sorry. i'll try to be better. you have learned, however, that death threats are excellent motivation.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
because adriane yelled at me...
Okay, so I know I should start by apologizing for not updating in a very long time. However, this year was brutal. Brutal. I ended up teaching during one of my prep periods for extra money, which was fine in theory, but it meant I had more to grade and plan with less time to work on it at school. Not my best idea ever. I won’t do it again. Plus, I didn’t really get paid very much. So, while I am sorry that none of you got to read my thoughts, I’m not sorry letting my updates lapse—school came first, and second, and most of the time third this year.
So, to try and give an overview of this school year, I’ve come up with a list of the top ten moments from the 2006-2007 school year. Some are funny, some aren’t, but It’s what I’ll remember from this year. And they aren’t really ranked in any sort of order except the one I thought of when coming up with them, so number one might not be the most amazing.
10. student hitting on me through email. Sometime in late may, I got an email from a former student. The body of that email is included here:
What's up Ms. Nolan, it's Luke, as you can see... cuz it says my name. I was just watchin the Colbert Report and I thought about you haha. I saw you outside your class the other day but didn't say hi cuz you looked busy. I was just gonna say you were one of my favorite teachers and a cool person. So I don't mean to sound wierd or anything if that's what you're thinkin but yeah. Anyways heyyy. How's it goin. You should like send me an email or something. LukeMafia7@aol.com or LukeMafia7@yahoo.com I mean everyone says I'm like a 24 year old cuz I'm so mature or somethin. I'm almost graduated so I don't see why we can't talk. I'm havin a house warming party in like July or June and there won't be many kids from school cuz these kids are all dumb. Anyways I was just droppin by to say hey cuz I couldn't forget about when you came to El Burrito and said you tried messaging me and I felt bad cuz I never got it, but anyways... Ummm welp, see ya later.Definitely the most awkward moment of the year.
9. end of the year evaluations. Most of these were par for the course, but on one of the evaluations, in the general comments spot, one student admonished me to “try to stop being such a fat miserable person, and mabye try to get laid.” Now, yes, I am overweight ( I do own a mirror), but I wouldn’t consider myself miserable. In fact , I’m one of the least miserable people I know, I think. As far as trying to get laid, I’ve been working on that for several years at this point (it’s more difficult when one qualifies the “getting laid” with a wedding ceremony.)
8. annoyatron. In my fifth period, there were about five boys who sat in the back and were generally good kids, but were goofy and always made comments in class. Some of those comment s were funny. As a result of this, I always got them mixed up, even though none of them looked remotely similar. I would always say the wrong name or think the wrong person had spoken. One day they called me on it, and I told them it was because they all just sat back there and annoyed me and so my brain lumped them together. At this point, i made up a name for them—annoyatron. However, at the exact same moment, one of those kids said it completely in unison with me and it was terrifying for the both of us. I threw up in my mouth a little bit, and he might have needed therapy.
7. ghetto love note. This story requires a little big of exposition. I had one sophomore class this year, who drove me crazy. They were immature, as sophomores are wont to be, and I didn’t like the curriculum, and it’s really hard only teaching one period of something. I was never quite able to get ino the grove of teaching them. They always had a carefully crafted seating chart to keep certain students away from each other, and one day, this girl, mary, gets up and walks across the room to her friend gia’s desk. I wasn’t lecturing or anything, but it was still not really an appropriate time to get up and walk across the room. When she got to gia’s desk, gia gave her a note, which I immediately confiscated. Gia protested, saying that she wasn’t passing it to mary, but that someone had given it to her and she wanted mary to read it. i told her that was fine, but she should have waited until after class. Now, our administrators encourage us to read notes we confiscate, because it’s a good way to find out if there are any fights coming up, if someone is dealing drugs, etc. I told gia I wouldn’t read it to her class, because that’s not what I do, but I did read it, because we’re supposed to. Plus, they’re usually hilarous and informative. (I’ve discovered several stuents who hate my clas this way) this was no ordinary note though. First of all, the words you, to, and for were always delineated as u, 2, and 4. Good start. The author had used three different colors of sharpies to write it, so it was extremely colorful, and it was the cheesiest thing I have ever encountered, which is saying something, because I love saved by the bell. He explained how he had liked her for some time but he didn’t want to mess up their friendship so he hadn’t said anything and then he went on to explain in some detail how much he liked her. My favorite quote is “I’m not talkin just 2 talk, I’m 4 real.” If I had the note with me, I would transcribe it here, because that’s how awesome it is, but unfortunately, I’m on a plane, and the note is at my house. Rest assured though that sometime this summer, I will type it up on here. The note was so amazing that I read it to the rest of my classes, all juniors and seniors. I didn’t say who I got it from and I couldn’t read the name of the person who wrote it, but it was a huge hit. This happened in april and I still had kids talking about it in june.
6. nolan vs. nolanator. Last year, I had a student give me the nickname “nolanator.” I adore this nickname and encourage it’s use at all times. I had two girls in my fifth period who realized early on in the year that I never heard them when they adressed me as “Ms. Nolan,” but that I always heard nolanator. As a result, they would wait until I was talking to another student and then start calling my name at a fairly normal level. After they said it a few times, which I would never hear, they would say nolanator, and I would respond immediately. It never failed to send them into fits of giggles.
5. inappropriate awkward. There’s one student each year, usually a boy, who doesn’t quite understand what is appropriate in a teacher student relationship. This year it was a kid named ryan. He always wanted to give me a hug, and I always refused because I teach high school to avoid hugs. He would ask me for a hug about once a week or so. I saw him at the school’s dance recital and he followed me back to my seat without me notcing then stood about three centimeters from me and started talking in my ear then asked for a hug. The whole thing was disturbing.
4. key club murals. Usually my job as key club advisor is the bane of my existance, but we painted a couple murals this year that were actually really good times. One was a transportation theme at a daycare entitled “Cars and Trucks and Things that GO!” the other was a series of old las vegas marquis at a senior center.
3. pigtails in the yearbook. One thing we do for key club each year is take a trip to six flags in california for what we call fall rally. It’s where the different divisions cheer and scream and try to win the spirit award. The whole thing is pretty fake, but this year I decided to get involved and cheer and scream as well. At some point, my key clubbers decided that it would be a good idea to put my hair in pigtails and I decided it would be a good idea to let them do that and then let them take pictures. A few weeks later, one of my student who was on the yearbook staff asked if I had any key club pictures and I gave her the ones from fall rally, which included me with the pigtails. Do you see where this is going? Fast forward to may, when the yearbooks came out, and a student inormed me that on page 129 there was a picture of me with pigtails. Quite possibly the worst picture of me EVER, immortalized in the pages of Palo Verde High School’s yearbook. But it gets better. A different student, who was also involved with yearbook told me that when they first got them back, the yearbook staff was looking through them and another student saw the picure of me and stated (quite maturely, I might add) that she “couldn’t beleve some of the kids at this school.” My student responded by telling her that that wasn’t a student, but his english teacher. She then amended her statement and said, “I can’t believe some of the teachers at this school.” Her judgment of my immaturity had made me completely re-evaluate all my actions and attitudes, thus leading me to become an extremely image-conscious person who worries at all times when someone is thinking of me in an effort to look supremely cool and grown up and never make a fool of myself. Not really.
2. senior research project. I love teaching modern literature. I love the fact that I’m the only one who teaches it, so I can prety much do whatever I want. The downside is that there’s no one who’s been teaching it for 30 years to give me guidance, leading me to some pretty incredible blunders. Like the senior research project. All english classes are required to assign a research project of some sort each year. There are two senior english classes: british lit and modern lit, and the students get to choose which they want to take. Previously, modern lit was seen as a really easy english credit because the person who taugh it before me made it really easy. It’s not easy anymore. When I was trying to come up with a research project this year, I looked to the british lit class, so I could try to model mine on theirs. Their assignment is to read a play by shakespeare, and write a critical analysis on it. they give the kids about four cricical theories to choose from (psychoanalytic, historical/biological, jungian, and feminist) and the students go to the library and look through the literary criticism set and find articles about their play and their critical approach. I thought that was a really good idea, but I didn’t have a huge figure like shakespeare, so I decided to have them choose a modern poem and write a critical analyis on it using the literary criticism from the library. Sounds good? It wasn’t. my students had trouble finding criticism on their poem that matched up with their critical approach, and these kids aren’t advanced enough to perform their own criticism. For the most part, it bombed spectacularly. A few really cool things happened though:
· One student who had done a poem by allen ginsberg decided that she was really into beat poetry and read a bunch of it, and then brough it up when we were discussing existentialism.
· Another student (whose name is Colby Bryant—yes similar to the basketball player) came in to ask a question about his poem and we spend the next twenty minutes talking about it and sharing ideas about meaning. I found some references to the october and bolshevic revolutions, the cold war and he had some ideas about how the author was torn between his homeland, russia, and new home, the US during the cold war. It was one of those really great teaching moments. The downside was that he ended up being 15 minutes tardy to his next class (he didn’t tell me he had a class to be in)
· Several students told me that it was the best paper they had ever written (before they got their grades back) and that they had worked harder on it than anything else in their high school career and that they didn’t know they could write that well or work that hard or think of things that difficult.
I ended up grading those essays quite leniently, because I knew how hard the assignment was, and that there hadn’t been a lot of research readily available. That ended up working out better for many of them, especially those who worked really hard, because they got good grades and saw that they could do well on an essay, and that confidence booster will probably be more beneficial for those who are college-bound than any amount of comments or corrections I could have made. Those kids who got A’s were so proud of their A’s. they were still talking about it a month after they got ther papers back.
1. dante’s inferno. This is another sophomore story. Sophomores read Julius Caesar by shakespeare almost all of second semester. Most of the sophomore curriculum is crap, and we’re working to fix that, but one thing we changed this year was having the sophomores read parts of dante’s inferno. The reason the sophomore curriculum is crap is because it’s way too easy. Conversely, the sophomore honors curriculum is incredibly challenging, and that’s where we pulled the inferno from. For those of you who haven’t read the inferno, it tells the journey of a man named dante through hell. There are nine levels, each one for a different type of sin, where the sins get progressively worse, as do the punishments. In the inferno, the bottom level of hell is called cacystos (prety sure I spelled that wrong—I’m doing this from memory) and it’s the punishment for those who betrayed their benefactors. These people are frozen in a mix of blood, mud, tears, and other general ick that flows down from the other levels of hell. At the center of this level is satan, who in this version has three heads. Each head has a mouth (which makes sense) and each mouth is chewing on a sinner. The center head chews on judas iscariot (also spelled wrong), because he betrayed jesus. The center head/mouth chews on judas for eternity, and he never dies, because then the punishment would end, and hell is pretty much just about eternal pain and suffering. The other two heads/mouths chew on Brutus and Cassius from Julius Caesar, so it’s a nice tie in for my class. My students got really into it (and sophomores don’t get into anything because they’re too cool for school) and we actually had discussion about whether they deserved to be there. Some students said cassius didn’t, because Caesar wasn’t his friend or benefactor, so he just deserved to be with the murderers or the violence lovers, or even with the self absorbed flag chasers on level one. I even had some kids say Brutus shouldn’t be there because he was doing what he thought was right and was trying to save rome. That was the cool part, and that discussion was with my more advanced kids. My paste eaters had more trouble with the inferno because they couldn’t grasp that it wasn’t real. It’s just a story. The fact that the author made himself the main character in the story was just about too much for them to handle. The othe problem was that they had trouble understanding that the inferno is dante’s depiction of hell and isn’t necessarily real. They wanted to know where hitler was (like I had a special copy of the book that had those answers) and why God set it up that way, etc. It pretty much drove me crazy, but overall, it was fun.
So those are my top ten moments of the year. Most of them are from the end of the year, because that’s what’s freshest in my mind. I’m sure I’ll think of others as time goes on, and I’ll share those too. Here’s one thing I learned this year: students seem to think that I have some sort of “director’s cut” of any story or novel we read that give me more backstory and information than what’s in the novel. Examples: when we were reading Huck Finn, they kept asking what happened to Huck’s mom. I don’t know. My book has the same words as yours. I would always make jokes about having a séance to contact the ghost of Mark Twain and ask him. Unfortunately, no one ever had a Ouija board in their backback… weird.
I think this is sufficiently long. Adriane, I’m sorry for sucking at life. I’ll try to suck less in the future.
Friday, September 15, 2006
things you never think to ask
Things You Never Think to Ask
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
no
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
always. i'm a giant chicken
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
umm... i honestly don't know. my freshman year of college there was a big snowball fight on the mall at midnight the first time it snowed. but sledding?
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
if it's with a romantic-type person and there is cuddling, i would think with. but i'll have to test that theory first ask me again when i'm 40.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
not really, but there were some creepy coincidences at my college.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
not really
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
i don't really care. sorry.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
jennifer. i think angelina might hurt me. and i do mean physically. she seems a little to kinky for me. and she looks like a biter.
9. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
what ex's?
10. Do you know how to play poker?
have i actually ever played it? no. do i know how to play in theory? no.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
probably. i can't really remember though.
12. What's your favorite commercial?
jeez. i haven't watched enough tv in the last month to know. the one with the really hot guy? is there one of those out there right now?
13. What are you allergic to?
doing anything before the last minute?
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
no. sadly, no.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
probably. i've never told anyone about that one night with the german soccer team in paris. i'll tell you one thing though--soccer players have S-T-A-M-I-N-A.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
is there anything in the world i care less about?
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
yes. twice. it hurts my ankes. i'm not good at finding the perfect level of lace-tightness.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
almost always. they're usually wierd, and if i'm stressed out in real life, my dreams become very stressful. case in point: this week, i had a dream that i was at school and my first period was going to start in 20 minutes, and i hadn't gotten a shower yet. so i jumped on a scooter and started driving around the neighborhood to find a house that was empty so i could break in and take a shower.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
probably wednesday. i spent some time hanging out with sean and rob, which is always good for a laugh.
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
all you need is love, help, can't buy me love, penny lane, sargeant peppers lonely hearts club band
21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
is sean going to call me back regarding going to a movie?
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no. screw you romeo and juliet
23. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
i don't know... tyra wishes she was FIERCE!!
24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
yeah. i feel naked without it.
25 what cell service do you use?
verizon.
26. Do you like Sushi?
mmmmmmmmmmm...yes.
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
yeah. i spun out one day this spring on the freeway and ended up in a ditch. luckily, the ditch was gravel and traffic was light. but it was scary. if it had been heavy traffic, i'd probably be dead.
28. What do you wear to bed?
panties and a tee-shirt. i've tried the naked thing and i've tried the panties-only thing, but it just feels better with a shirt. i sleep better.
29. Been caught stealing?
no. the only time i ever stole was by accident. i was shopping and had an eyeshadow in my hand and put it in my pocket to grab something else and found it in my pocket two days later.
30. what shoe size do you have?
11. bigfoot, party of one.
31. Do you truly hate anyone?
not that i know of. but there are many people i don't like and even more i never want to see again. most of my dislike comes from jealousy. i can admit it.
32. Classic Rock or Rap?
rap
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
hmmm... orlando bloom, probably. but orlando bloom with his pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl hair. all longish and curly and HOTTTT.
34. Are you a virgin?
virgin by default. pathetic.
35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
in the last hour? i had a microphone made out of legos when i was a kid. i spent many an hour pretending to be amy grant.
36. What food do you find disgusting?
liver. and anything on fear factor.
37. Do you sing in the shower?
i'm barely awake enough to breathe in the shower, let alone sing.
38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
umm...yes. but i'll never say with whom.
39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
probably. but if they're good enough friends, i just do it in front of their back.
40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
i'm not sure. i'm sure i've defended *nsync once or twice, and i don't know them at all. i stand up for other teachers all the time.
41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
no, but i fell headfirst into the floor once.
42. have you ever punched somebody in the face?
no. but in second grade i kicked nick hawkins in the balls and he went home crying. amy wilson was there--she can vouch for it.
i'm not going to apologize for not updating recently. my workload this year is painful in its intensity. i'll update when i can.
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
no
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
always. i'm a giant chicken
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
umm... i honestly don't know. my freshman year of college there was a big snowball fight on the mall at midnight the first time it snowed. but sledding?
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
if it's with a romantic-type person and there is cuddling, i would think with. but i'll have to test that theory first ask me again when i'm 40.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
not really, but there were some creepy coincidences at my college.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
not really
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
i don't really care. sorry.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
jennifer. i think angelina might hurt me. and i do mean physically. she seems a little to kinky for me. and she looks like a biter.
9. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
what ex's?
10. Do you know how to play poker?
have i actually ever played it? no. do i know how to play in theory? no.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
probably. i can't really remember though.
12. What's your favorite commercial?
jeez. i haven't watched enough tv in the last month to know. the one with the really hot guy? is there one of those out there right now?
13. What are you allergic to?
doing anything before the last minute?
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
no. sadly, no.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
probably. i've never told anyone about that one night with the german soccer team in paris. i'll tell you one thing though--soccer players have S-T-A-M-I-N-A.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
is there anything in the world i care less about?
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
yes. twice. it hurts my ankes. i'm not good at finding the perfect level of lace-tightness.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
almost always. they're usually wierd, and if i'm stressed out in real life, my dreams become very stressful. case in point: this week, i had a dream that i was at school and my first period was going to start in 20 minutes, and i hadn't gotten a shower yet. so i jumped on a scooter and started driving around the neighborhood to find a house that was empty so i could break in and take a shower.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
probably wednesday. i spent some time hanging out with sean and rob, which is always good for a laugh.
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
all you need is love, help, can't buy me love, penny lane, sargeant peppers lonely hearts club band
21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
is sean going to call me back regarding going to a movie?
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no. screw you romeo and juliet
23. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
i don't know... tyra wishes she was FIERCE!!
24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
yeah. i feel naked without it.
25 what cell service do you use?
verizon.
26. Do you like Sushi?
mmmmmmmmmmm...yes.
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
yeah. i spun out one day this spring on the freeway and ended up in a ditch. luckily, the ditch was gravel and traffic was light. but it was scary. if it had been heavy traffic, i'd probably be dead.
28. What do you wear to bed?
panties and a tee-shirt. i've tried the naked thing and i've tried the panties-only thing, but it just feels better with a shirt. i sleep better.
29. Been caught stealing?
no. the only time i ever stole was by accident. i was shopping and had an eyeshadow in my hand and put it in my pocket to grab something else and found it in my pocket two days later.
30. what shoe size do you have?
11. bigfoot, party of one.
31. Do you truly hate anyone?
not that i know of. but there are many people i don't like and even more i never want to see again. most of my dislike comes from jealousy. i can admit it.
32. Classic Rock or Rap?
rap
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
hmmm... orlando bloom, probably. but orlando bloom with his pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl hair. all longish and curly and HOTTTT.
34. Are you a virgin?
virgin by default. pathetic.
35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
in the last hour? i had a microphone made out of legos when i was a kid. i spent many an hour pretending to be amy grant.
36. What food do you find disgusting?
liver. and anything on fear factor.
37. Do you sing in the shower?
i'm barely awake enough to breathe in the shower, let alone sing.
38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
umm...yes. but i'll never say with whom.
39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
probably. but if they're good enough friends, i just do it in front of their back.
40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
i'm not sure. i'm sure i've defended *nsync once or twice, and i don't know them at all. i stand up for other teachers all the time.
41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
no, but i fell headfirst into the floor once.
42. have you ever punched somebody in the face?
no. but in second grade i kicked nick hawkins in the balls and he went home crying. amy wilson was there--she can vouch for it.
i'm not going to apologize for not updating recently. my workload this year is painful in its intensity. i'll update when i can.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
the abc's of me...
too lazy for a real post right now. i'll do a good one sometime this week.
A is for age:
24 (for another month)
B is for beer of choice:
if it's a choice between beer and, for example, a milkshake, i'd go milkshake. but the beer i prefer is beck's light, i guess
C is for career:
teacher.
D is for favorite Drink:
either diet pepsi or water, preferably evian. oh! no wait, a venti iced nonfat stirred caramel macchiato.
E is for essential item you use everyday:
my computer. or three hole punch. or cell phone, but only because i have no landliine. or my tv. it talks to me when i'm home alone. white board markers?
F is for favorite song at the moment:
"stolen" by dashboard confessional. track number 4 on the new album dusk and summer. "watch you spin around in your highest heels / you are the best one of the best ones / we all look like we feel"
G is for favorite games:
snood is an all-time favorite. and then there's the classic "make your students cry" which never ceases to be fun.
H is for hometown:
Jamestown, IN
I is for instruments you play:
piano, various types of drum and other percussion intruments.
J is for favorite juice?:
apple or grape. depends on the day
K is for kids?:
meaning? do i have any, not yet (thankfully). do i like them, yes, in small numbers. adore my nephews.
L is for last kiss?:
well, a few weeks ago at rock star karaoke, some really drunk lady decided we were best friends and kissed me twice on the cheek. from someone i love? my mom, when i was home in july. from a guy? 23rd birthday, which was almost two years ago for those of you playing along at home. incidentally, that was my first kiss. and it wasn't good. at least i hope that's what a bad kiss is like because if that's what a good kiss is like, i'm not missing anything. we're talking copious amounts of drool.
M is for marriage:
well, i believe in the concept of it, if that's what you mean. am i? no. have i ever been? no. do i want to be? desperately. but only with the right guy (i.e. Mr. Darcy.)
N is for name of your best friend:
which one?
O is for overnight hospital stays:
i dunno? mom, how long did we stay when i was born? cause, that's all i got. unless you count sleeping in the waiting room the night of my college graduation, when my grandma collapsed. but i was only there until about 3am or so, which isn't technically overnight.
P is for phobias:
failure
Q is for quote:
"you are a child of the universe / no less than the trees and the stars / you have a right to be here / and whether or not it is clear to you / no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
R is for biggest regret:
not asking my grandparents enough questions when they were alive.
S is for self confidence:
what about it? no who should have it has enough, and the people that have enough or too much shouldn't have it. at least that's what i think.
T is for time you wake up:
during the week: 5:00 am (ugh). on the weekends: whenever i decide to stop being lazy and get up. or when my back starts to hurt. i'm getting old. or my bed is getting old. one of the two.
U is for underwear:
again. what about them? i prefer boy briefs (or "manties" as mary and i dubbed them). and i have lots of pairs of them? right now they're pink. well, more fushia. what more do you need to know?
V is for vegetable you love:
zucchini. or romaine lettuce.
W is for worst habit:
procrastinating.
X is for x-rays you've had:
my teeth, for all the braces and retainers and wisdom teeth. my head (x-ray and CAT scan) when i passed out in 10th grade and had a seizure in the middle of the cafeteria and landed on my head on the concrete and had a black eye for six weeks. good times. that might be it.
Y is for yummy food you make:
i make really good veggie fajitas, and anything involving a skillet, some chicken and vegetables and olive oil always turns out well. i'm actually a really good cook. i just don't like to cook for myself. it's boring.
Z is for zodiac sign :
Libra. don't ask me what that says about me. i haven't read a horoscope since 2001 or so.
ps. i'm wearing new socks today--I LOVE NEW SOCK DAYS!!
A is for age:
24 (for another month)
B is for beer of choice:
if it's a choice between beer and, for example, a milkshake, i'd go milkshake. but the beer i prefer is beck's light, i guess
C is for career:
teacher.
D is for favorite Drink:
either diet pepsi or water, preferably evian. oh! no wait, a venti iced nonfat stirred caramel macchiato.
E is for essential item you use everyday:
my computer. or three hole punch. or cell phone, but only because i have no landliine. or my tv. it talks to me when i'm home alone. white board markers?
F is for favorite song at the moment:
"stolen" by dashboard confessional. track number 4 on the new album dusk and summer. "watch you spin around in your highest heels / you are the best one of the best ones / we all look like we feel"
G is for favorite games:
snood is an all-time favorite. and then there's the classic "make your students cry" which never ceases to be fun.
H is for hometown:
Jamestown, IN
I is for instruments you play:
piano, various types of drum and other percussion intruments.
J is for favorite juice?:
apple or grape. depends on the day
K is for kids?:
meaning? do i have any, not yet (thankfully). do i like them, yes, in small numbers. adore my nephews.
L is for last kiss?:
well, a few weeks ago at rock star karaoke, some really drunk lady decided we were best friends and kissed me twice on the cheek. from someone i love? my mom, when i was home in july. from a guy? 23rd birthday, which was almost two years ago for those of you playing along at home. incidentally, that was my first kiss. and it wasn't good. at least i hope that's what a bad kiss is like because if that's what a good kiss is like, i'm not missing anything. we're talking copious amounts of drool.
M is for marriage:
well, i believe in the concept of it, if that's what you mean. am i? no. have i ever been? no. do i want to be? desperately. but only with the right guy (i.e. Mr. Darcy.)
N is for name of your best friend:
which one?
O is for overnight hospital stays:
i dunno? mom, how long did we stay when i was born? cause, that's all i got. unless you count sleeping in the waiting room the night of my college graduation, when my grandma collapsed. but i was only there until about 3am or so, which isn't technically overnight.
P is for phobias:
failure
Q is for quote:
"you are a child of the universe / no less than the trees and the stars / you have a right to be here / and whether or not it is clear to you / no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
R is for biggest regret:
not asking my grandparents enough questions when they were alive.
S is for self confidence:
what about it? no who should have it has enough, and the people that have enough or too much shouldn't have it. at least that's what i think.
T is for time you wake up:
during the week: 5:00 am (ugh). on the weekends: whenever i decide to stop being lazy and get up. or when my back starts to hurt. i'm getting old. or my bed is getting old. one of the two.
U is for underwear:
again. what about them? i prefer boy briefs (or "manties" as mary and i dubbed them). and i have lots of pairs of them? right now they're pink. well, more fushia. what more do you need to know?
V is for vegetable you love:
zucchini. or romaine lettuce.
W is for worst habit:
procrastinating.
X is for x-rays you've had:
my teeth, for all the braces and retainers and wisdom teeth. my head (x-ray and CAT scan) when i passed out in 10th grade and had a seizure in the middle of the cafeteria and landed on my head on the concrete and had a black eye for six weeks. good times. that might be it.
Y is for yummy food you make:
i make really good veggie fajitas, and anything involving a skillet, some chicken and vegetables and olive oil always turns out well. i'm actually a really good cook. i just don't like to cook for myself. it's boring.
Z is for zodiac sign :
Libra. don't ask me what that says about me. i haven't read a horoscope since 2001 or so.
ps. i'm wearing new socks today--I LOVE NEW SOCK DAYS!!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
why is it that a french accent on a woman sounds really beautiful and romantic, but on a man it just sounds kind of silly and ridiculous?
just a thought. that's just my opinion.
in my modern literature class, we study the different eras of literature in the 19th and 20th century, and the last one we deal with is magical realism, which is " 'heightened reality' or the addition of another dimension of reality through a symbolic or metaphoric structure. It gives us a new way of preceiving the world, as if through a child looking at the world for the first time." there is a story that falls into that category in the textbook, but i dont' like it and i don't really get it. so, i figured i'd show a movie and make everyone happy. here's the problem: all the good magical realism films are rated PG-13, and i can't show anything higher than PG in my class. I really want to show big fish, but it's rated PG-13. So are chocolat, like water for chocolate, moulin rouge, and what dreams may come. seriously. so frustrating. i was just going to show harry potter, but that's more fantasy. i'm thinking about taping big fish off tv, because we can show anything anything from tv. or i might just be a rebel and show big fish anyway, because they're seniors, and this is las vegas, and they can see worse stuff on bilboards.
i spent a lot of time this week getting ready for school to start (lesson plans, general outlines of what i'm going to do with each class) and i've been having so much fun. it's funny that i spent all summer putting off school work and now that i'm doing it i'm having a blast.
my cat can now jump up on the kitchen counters, which doesn't thrill me. he's also decided that his favorite toy is toilet paper, so i can't keep it on the roller anymore, but perched on top of the towel rack where he can't get to it. he destroyed a whole roll this week, which made a huge mess and cost me money. TOILET PAPER IS EXPENSIVE!!
and can i just say that one uses much more toilet paper when one is home all day every day. i feel like i'm literally pissing through all the money i have. just one more thing that men save money on. along with, of course, makeup, shoes, flat and curling irons, and bras. and jewelry.
i went and saw scoop, the new woody allen movie last night, and i loved it. i'd never seen a woody allen movie before and i think i might be a fan. i'm going to go rent annie hall today and then slowly watch every movie he's ever made. i was giggling the whole time. there were times when nothing was happening and i would just sit there, giggling like a fool. new favorite quote: "i don't see the glass a half empty. i see it as half full, but of poison." hugh jackman still gorgeous, and when he's playing a suave, charming, wealthy aristocrat who alternates between nice suits and really really well fitting jeans, he's GORGEOUS. if he wasn't married with two (adopted) kids, i'd stalk him and make him love me. that man can *wear* a pair of jeans. i highly recommend the movie.
i know i might get hatemail from this, but audrey hepburn's accent kind of makes me want to rip my ears off. i still love her, and still want to be her and look like her. but her accent kind of gets in the way sometimes. no one's perfect.
i realize my blogs have gotten more and more boring over the last few weeks. i promise, school starts soon and then i'll have fun stories. right now, my life is sitting at home, watching tv, and working on school stuff. so, unless you all want thousands of stories about my cat, this is all i got.
in my modern literature class, we study the different eras of literature in the 19th and 20th century, and the last one we deal with is magical realism, which is " 'heightened reality' or the addition of another dimension of reality through a symbolic or metaphoric structure. It gives us a new way of preceiving the world, as if through a child looking at the world for the first time." there is a story that falls into that category in the textbook, but i dont' like it and i don't really get it. so, i figured i'd show a movie and make everyone happy. here's the problem: all the good magical realism films are rated PG-13, and i can't show anything higher than PG in my class. I really want to show big fish, but it's rated PG-13. So are chocolat, like water for chocolate, moulin rouge, and what dreams may come. seriously. so frustrating. i was just going to show harry potter, but that's more fantasy. i'm thinking about taping big fish off tv, because we can show anything anything from tv. or i might just be a rebel and show big fish anyway, because they're seniors, and this is las vegas, and they can see worse stuff on bilboards.
i spent a lot of time this week getting ready for school to start (lesson plans, general outlines of what i'm going to do with each class) and i've been having so much fun. it's funny that i spent all summer putting off school work and now that i'm doing it i'm having a blast.
my cat can now jump up on the kitchen counters, which doesn't thrill me. he's also decided that his favorite toy is toilet paper, so i can't keep it on the roller anymore, but perched on top of the towel rack where he can't get to it. he destroyed a whole roll this week, which made a huge mess and cost me money. TOILET PAPER IS EXPENSIVE!!
and can i just say that one uses much more toilet paper when one is home all day every day. i feel like i'm literally pissing through all the money i have. just one more thing that men save money on. along with, of course, makeup, shoes, flat and curling irons, and bras. and jewelry.
i went and saw scoop, the new woody allen movie last night, and i loved it. i'd never seen a woody allen movie before and i think i might be a fan. i'm going to go rent annie hall today and then slowly watch every movie he's ever made. i was giggling the whole time. there were times when nothing was happening and i would just sit there, giggling like a fool. new favorite quote: "i don't see the glass a half empty. i see it as half full, but of poison." hugh jackman still gorgeous, and when he's playing a suave, charming, wealthy aristocrat who alternates between nice suits and really really well fitting jeans, he's GORGEOUS. if he wasn't married with two (adopted) kids, i'd stalk him and make him love me. that man can *wear* a pair of jeans. i highly recommend the movie.
i know i might get hatemail from this, but audrey hepburn's accent kind of makes me want to rip my ears off. i still love her, and still want to be her and look like her. but her accent kind of gets in the way sometimes. no one's perfect.
i realize my blogs have gotten more and more boring over the last few weeks. i promise, school starts soon and then i'll have fun stories. right now, my life is sitting at home, watching tv, and working on school stuff. so, unless you all want thousands of stories about my cat, this is all i got.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
a little bit random...
there's not going to be any sort of over-arching theme to this post, but i have a lot of little things i want to mention. thus with the random-osity.
i dogsat las week. my friends sean and gwen were out of town, and since they took care of my cat for three weeks, i figured i owed them. luckily, cruiser (their dog, a greyhound) is really mort like a big cat. he's actually more cat-like than my cat. the only variation from the cat behavior is the going outside to use the restroom. this is also one of the most highly-scheduled dogs i've ever seen. the first morning i had him, i woke up around 9am and took him outside first thing. when i came back in i noticed that he had peed on my carpet, because he was used to going out at around 7am, and when i didn't take him out then, he couldn't hold it. so, i had to get out of bed at 7am every day for a week so the dog wouldn't pee on my carpet. i made myself stay up most days, because i'm trying to adjust my body clock so when i have to get up at 5am next week for school, my brain won't implode. as i was walking him one afternoon, i saw a kid, maybe 11 years old, walking with a bag of trash in a direction not anywhere near a dumpster (i need to mention that my complext is right next to the freeway), and i realized he was walking towards that side of the complex. when he went away, i wandered over and saw a pile of trash bags just on the other side of the complex wall next to the freeway. now i will admit, taking the trash to the dumpster is annoying, especially when it's summer in the desert (120 degrees is HOT, i don't care if it's a dry heat), but are people really that lazy? they're going to throw their trash next to the freeway? come on! i was pretty disappointed in my fellow resident.
i have to go back to work one week from tomorrow. mixed feelings. last night i had my first teaching dream in a long time, so i know it's getting to be that time of year. i have yet to do any work toward the school year. i had breakfast with a couple other teachers this morning, and one guy has everything planned (including, but not limited to, lesson plans, tests, quizzes, homework assignments, worksheets, and lectures) through the first quarter. i don't know what i'm going to do the first day. i love procrastination. maybe i'll do some work tonight.
i've decided that my cat is not really a cat. he has the fluffiest tail ever, ergo part squirrel (although, adriane, not quite as fluffy as brownie's was). his favorite activity: fetch. ergo, part dog. he's huge for a cat, so there's some pony in there, and since his favorite place to sleep is wrapped around my neck, he's gotta be part scarf.
the other day i actually found myself telling some friends that the weather had been really nice the past few days, as it hadn't gone over 100 degrees. it's a sad state of things when anything under 100 just feels nice. a couple nights ago it was in the low 80's, and it felt cooler outside than in my apartment.
i saw a really good movie last weekend: mrs. henderson presents. it's british, so it might be challenging to find it, but i recommend searching. blockbuster usually does pretty well with independant/lesser known films. it's about this woman who is a bored widow so she buys a theatre and eventually puts on nude shows and hijinks ensue.
you know what i don't get? the show "flavor of love." i just don't understand why women would compete to be with flava flav. have they seen what he looks like? and how annoyingly half-drunk and obscenely loud he is? i understand the premise of a show where women compete to get away from him, but to be his girlfriend? and yes, i understand the fact that there are golddiggers out there and women with poor taste, and low self-esteem (never a good combo), but some things should just be obvious. i can't even stand to watch it (and we all know how i love terrible reality shows on vh1) but he just makes me want to punch my tv. or shoot it. but since, unlike elvis, i can't afford to buy a new one every week, i just have to avoid the show.
project runway is quality tv.
fergie from the black eyed peas has a new single (and album, come to think) and may i just voice my opinion that IT IS TERRIBLE. this does not mean i will refrain from dancing to it should the occasio arise, but it flat out sucks. first of all, she doesn't really sing, she kind of speaks the lyrics in a manner that isn't quite rap, and itsn't quite spoken word. it's just obnoxious. and there is only one verse, which she repets a couple times. and i noticed this morning when i saw the video that she is not an attractive woman. i used to think she was really beautiful, but holy rotten bananas batman--she's quite the butter face. (everything about her is good but her face).
inversely, justin timberlake's new single is growing on me like mold in a french cheese factory. i didn't like it at first, but then i heard it a second time. mmm-hmmm.
i think, once it gets cooler, i might get bangs that go to about mid-eye that i can sweep off to one side (a la rory on gilmore girls). i can't do this until at least october though, because it's just too hot to have bangs in the summer, and then one's forehead begins to perspire and said bangs get gross and sweaty.
i know i've mentioned this before, but i really, really hate the word bangs. i really think that we, as a society should be able to come up with a better word.
my cable company's website has a program guide that says what's showing at any given time. much like the tv guide channel, but i am able to look at my own pace, instead of that of the tv guide channel's, which is very slow and makes me want to kick my tv. so, today i was perusing it to see what was on, because even with 74 channels, very little is on tv from noon to four. the whole thing is color-coded by category (sports are yellow, movies are blue, etc.) and i noticed that "saved by the bell" was light green. light green is children's programming. i was watching it at the time. pathetic.
and really depressing.
i can't really think of anything else right now. once school starts i'll have fun new stories. right now it's just me, guy, and my television. it's quite the exciting life i lead.
i dogsat las week. my friends sean and gwen were out of town, and since they took care of my cat for three weeks, i figured i owed them. luckily, cruiser (their dog, a greyhound) is really mort like a big cat. he's actually more cat-like than my cat. the only variation from the cat behavior is the going outside to use the restroom. this is also one of the most highly-scheduled dogs i've ever seen. the first morning i had him, i woke up around 9am and took him outside first thing. when i came back in i noticed that he had peed on my carpet, because he was used to going out at around 7am, and when i didn't take him out then, he couldn't hold it. so, i had to get out of bed at 7am every day for a week so the dog wouldn't pee on my carpet. i made myself stay up most days, because i'm trying to adjust my body clock so when i have to get up at 5am next week for school, my brain won't implode. as i was walking him one afternoon, i saw a kid, maybe 11 years old, walking with a bag of trash in a direction not anywhere near a dumpster (i need to mention that my complext is right next to the freeway), and i realized he was walking towards that side of the complex. when he went away, i wandered over and saw a pile of trash bags just on the other side of the complex wall next to the freeway. now i will admit, taking the trash to the dumpster is annoying, especially when it's summer in the desert (120 degrees is HOT, i don't care if it's a dry heat), but are people really that lazy? they're going to throw their trash next to the freeway? come on! i was pretty disappointed in my fellow resident.
i have to go back to work one week from tomorrow. mixed feelings. last night i had my first teaching dream in a long time, so i know it's getting to be that time of year. i have yet to do any work toward the school year. i had breakfast with a couple other teachers this morning, and one guy has everything planned (including, but not limited to, lesson plans, tests, quizzes, homework assignments, worksheets, and lectures) through the first quarter. i don't know what i'm going to do the first day. i love procrastination. maybe i'll do some work tonight.
i've decided that my cat is not really a cat. he has the fluffiest tail ever, ergo part squirrel (although, adriane, not quite as fluffy as brownie's was). his favorite activity: fetch. ergo, part dog. he's huge for a cat, so there's some pony in there, and since his favorite place to sleep is wrapped around my neck, he's gotta be part scarf.
the other day i actually found myself telling some friends that the weather had been really nice the past few days, as it hadn't gone over 100 degrees. it's a sad state of things when anything under 100 just feels nice. a couple nights ago it was in the low 80's, and it felt cooler outside than in my apartment.
i saw a really good movie last weekend: mrs. henderson presents. it's british, so it might be challenging to find it, but i recommend searching. blockbuster usually does pretty well with independant/lesser known films. it's about this woman who is a bored widow so she buys a theatre and eventually puts on nude shows and hijinks ensue.
you know what i don't get? the show "flavor of love." i just don't understand why women would compete to be with flava flav. have they seen what he looks like? and how annoyingly half-drunk and obscenely loud he is? i understand the premise of a show where women compete to get away from him, but to be his girlfriend? and yes, i understand the fact that there are golddiggers out there and women with poor taste, and low self-esteem (never a good combo), but some things should just be obvious. i can't even stand to watch it (and we all know how i love terrible reality shows on vh1) but he just makes me want to punch my tv. or shoot it. but since, unlike elvis, i can't afford to buy a new one every week, i just have to avoid the show.
project runway is quality tv.
fergie from the black eyed peas has a new single (and album, come to think) and may i just voice my opinion that IT IS TERRIBLE. this does not mean i will refrain from dancing to it should the occasio arise, but it flat out sucks. first of all, she doesn't really sing, she kind of speaks the lyrics in a manner that isn't quite rap, and itsn't quite spoken word. it's just obnoxious. and there is only one verse, which she repets a couple times. and i noticed this morning when i saw the video that she is not an attractive woman. i used to think she was really beautiful, but holy rotten bananas batman--she's quite the butter face. (everything about her is good but her face).
inversely, justin timberlake's new single is growing on me like mold in a french cheese factory. i didn't like it at first, but then i heard it a second time. mmm-hmmm.
i think, once it gets cooler, i might get bangs that go to about mid-eye that i can sweep off to one side (a la rory on gilmore girls). i can't do this until at least october though, because it's just too hot to have bangs in the summer, and then one's forehead begins to perspire and said bangs get gross and sweaty.
i know i've mentioned this before, but i really, really hate the word bangs. i really think that we, as a society should be able to come up with a better word.
my cable company's website has a program guide that says what's showing at any given time. much like the tv guide channel, but i am able to look at my own pace, instead of that of the tv guide channel's, which is very slow and makes me want to kick my tv. so, today i was perusing it to see what was on, because even with 74 channels, very little is on tv from noon to four. the whole thing is color-coded by category (sports are yellow, movies are blue, etc.) and i noticed that "saved by the bell" was light green. light green is children's programming. i was watching it at the time. pathetic.
and really depressing.
i can't really think of anything else right now. once school starts i'll have fun new stories. right now it's just me, guy, and my television. it's quite the exciting life i lead.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
i'm always intrigued by...
what my mind comes up with right before i fall asleep. unless it's that feeling of falling when your body relaxes. hate that. anyway, last night i started thinking about things i remember from my life. and it's so strange what i remember and what i dont' remember. i know what i was wearing the day i passed out in high school, but i have no clue what the date was, or wheter i was in a or b lunch, or what classes i'd had that day. so, because nothing THAT exciting has been hapenning in my life because it's summer break and i just hang out at my house all day, and because i don't feel like rehashing everything that happened at lindsay's wedding ( i will do so, but not today) i've decided to write down a list of things i remember.
and is anyone really shocked that lance bass is gay? seriously? that's not news. once 'nsync became really popular, i decided that everyone liked justin, and i should try to be different and like someone else. i honestly tried to cultivate a liking to lance, but he was too gay even back then. back in the super-gay boy band heyday of the late 90's, early 2000s. *sigh* those were the times.
- when we lived in terre haute, (we moved to jamestown when i was almost 4) we had a sandbox outside. one day, i wondered what sand tasted like, so i tried some. it mostly tastes gritty, with a hint of cat pee.
- the back door at our house in terre haute stuck, because back doors often do that, and i had trouble opening it, which i know is shocking considering my three-year-old strength. i told mom and dad that i couldn't open the door, but didn't have the cognizance or the vocabulary to tell them why, so they assumed that i was too short, and dad put a cinder block next to the door so i could stand on it and open it. i remember thinking they were dumb, because i could obviously read the handle (i was THREE wasn't i?) but the door was dumb, and they needed to fix the door. not my shortness. i've gotten over it, and mom and dad, i no longer think you're dumb.
- i remember the day that i discovered that if i rode my bike down my street to the left, i could see the back of heidi and lindsay's house. i previously hadn't known how to get there.
- i always have trouble sleeping the night before something big or monumental. the night before i started kindergarten, i was terrified because alana bloom down the street had told me that my teacher, mrs. kohler, was mean. i remember that mom and dad came into my room (probalby because i was crying--i was a horrible crybaby when i was a kid) and sat with me for a while and tried to convince me that it would be okay and mom sat on the bed with me and dad sat on the chair that went with my vanity and propped his feet on the fan on the floor (this was before we put a ceiling fan in my room). turns out, alana bloom was right--mrs. kohler was mean. not to me, but to other kids. she's someone who should not be teaching kindergarten.
- speaking of kindergarten, we had these activity packets that we had to fill out every morning within the first hour. i have no clue how many pages they were, but it seemed like there were at least 30 pages, all of which had intricate, difficult instructions (we're talking on par with building a nuclear reactor) and i was always afraid that i wouldn't finish in time and i would get in trouble. people always think i'm exaggerating this, but the first hour of each day made me want to have an anxiety attack. so i would hurry through my cutting and pasting so that i would get done in time and then i would get check-minuses on my cutting and pasting, when it was really the teacher's fault for putting that much pressure on a 5-year-old.
- i remember the night that my brother michael broke his arm. or maybe his leg. but he was trying to do skateboard tricks in front of the house and fell. once when one of the boys broke an appendage--it had to have been michael, because jonathan broke his arm before jamestown (maybe before i was born) and he broke his knee at camp and i already wasn't there. or maybe it was jonathan, because i got to go to debbie noggle's parents' house and ride horses, and i was the best time of my life. and the next morning we went down the road to debbie noggle's grandma's house and she made us waffles, which was very exciting because i loved waffles as a kid and they were one of two things my mom can't make (no bake cookies are the other thing). she's really good at making everything else. she makes a mean pot roast. it tried to bite me.
- i remember imagene owen, and that she had a ladder in one of her closets in the kitchen, and the ladder led to the upstairs and it was so cool. and then as i got older and thought about it, i decided that it was probably from the underground railroad (i went on a big harriet tubman kick in about 4th grade) and that made it even cooler.
- when we first moved to jamestown, there was a ladder in the back of what became the storage room in the basement, and my brothers told me that it led to a secret passageway to the church building. i was never able to investigate, because it was impossible to get to the back of the storage room. the only things i ever got out of there were suitcases, coolers, and my dad's record collection. i'm not sure what the rest of it was.
- i had a huge walk-in closet at the house in jamestown, and i always wanted to play in it, because a) it was cool, and b) heidi and lindsay got to. but, i wasn't allowed to because i always made a mess in there. and if you've met my mother, you understand why my closet wasn't allowed to be messy.
- once, in junior high, i was burning a candle in my room when the wick got too low and stopped burning. i decided to melt the rest of the wax, so that i could use it in another candle, instead of just throwing it away like a normal person. i then decided that the best way to melt the wax was to put bits of kleenex in there and light them on fire so that there would be heat to melt the wax, and an energy source that i could keep adding to as it burned down. i forgot, however, that i'm a moron, so the next thing i know, this little fire is kind of raging out of control in the candle jar. first i grabbed a spray bottle of water, but that just seemed to make the fire jump higher, which was not what i wanted. please remember that we lived in a house owned by the church where my dad worked, so if i burned it down, i would be in trouble with my parents, the church, and God. i was REALLY concerned with putting it out. i thought back to my fire safety classes in first grade, and i remembered that they way to put out a fire if water wouldn't work, was to smother it. so i grabbed a mirror and put it over the candle and put out the fire. i took the mirror off and had a new problem: lots of smoke. so i grab a sock off of the floor (dirty, of course, because i was in junior high, after all) and pick of the candle and take it to the window and open the window and put a fan on it to blow the smoke outside. i then realized that my room smelled like smoke, so i ran out and told my mom everything, finishing with, "I just want you to know so you don't think that i'm smoking or anything, because i'm not." at that point, many of my friends were smokers, and mom knew this, and i didn't want her to think i was doing it, because i didn't want to get in trouble. i threw away the candle. and have never tried to melt wax again.
- remember when you were little and life was measured by tv shows? how many mister rogerses or how many sesame streets until something? that was cool.
- before i learned how to tell time, or maybe just as i was beginning to tell time, i thought that "a quarter till" or "after" was 25 minutes, because one quarter was 25 cents, so that made sense. stupid fractions.
- i couldn't never understand why my neighbors across the street, wendy and heather, called their dad "wayne" instead of "dad." he was, of course, their stepdad, but i didn't get that when i was a kid. i also never understood why "big heather" and "little heather" had different last names, and why big heather was only there on the weekends. big heather was wayne's daughter from his first marriage, obviously, and little heather was his stepdaughter.
- there used to be an urban legend that a man hid behind the sign for our church and shot the man who lived in the house across the street from me. it happened a long time ago. i wonder if it's true.
- that sign was the best place to play as a child. you could hide behind it. and if you were one of the big kids, you could climb on top of it. i never did.
- the year we did "the great late potentate" for our christmas musical at church i was 5, i think, and if you watch the video from the second night, there's one part where the camera is on me, and i don't realize it, obviously, because i am just scratching my ass for all i'm worth. i'm classy.
- my aunt and uncle had a foster son, i think his name was robbie, and i have almost no recollection of him. i think he was at a few christmases when i was really little, but i don't ever remember talking to him, or even interacting with him. i wonder what ever happened to him.
- when i was in early grade school one day we went to visit my great aunt and uncle. i'm not sure exactly where they lived, but i think it was near ohio. anyway, they lived in florida during the winter, as old people in the midwest tend to do, and i overheard someone mention that they lived there. i thought we were going to see them in florida. now, i wasn't sure where florida was, but i was pretty sure it was really far away, and it seemed crazy that we were going there and back in a day. it seemed better to do for a long time and pack clothes and stuff. i was schocked when it only took about an hour. and then we got there, and their house was on a pond, and there were ducks and we got to feed them. that was also the first time i ever saw burner covers on a stove, which i still do not understand. why cover the burners? everyone knows they're there? this is why i made it my sacred duty to keep burning them until mom gave up. mom, i won.
and is anyone really shocked that lance bass is gay? seriously? that's not news. once 'nsync became really popular, i decided that everyone liked justin, and i should try to be different and like someone else. i honestly tried to cultivate a liking to lance, but he was too gay even back then. back in the super-gay boy band heyday of the late 90's, early 2000s. *sigh* those were the times.
Monday, July 24, 2006
my cat is a sexual deviant...
saturday night, my friend alison came over to watch a movie and hang out, and my cat decided taht was the time to resurrect his "care bear humping extravaganza" that he debuted while staying with my friends sean and gwen. lucky the green care bear has been defiled. so guy is humping away, and i'm embarassed, and alison is scandalized (she's catholic, so she doesn't actually know how sex works...okay, we all know that's not true. those crazy catholics... but she was really scandalized), so i pick lucky up with two fingers so as to touch as little of him as humanly possible and threw lucky in my bedroom, telling him to be dirty in there like the rest of civilized society. apparently though, he's an exhibitionist as well as a miscreant, and he carries lucky back out into the dining room so that we all got to share in the joy of his masturbation. he has an appointment to become a eunich next tuesday.
so let me continue with some of the hijinks of my sabbatical in the crossroads of america (that's indiana, for those of you who weren't inculcated with that phrase from a very young age). i went to the art museum with heidi and lindsay to see an exhibition of wedding gowns. it was really cool. they had american gowns from different time periods as well as traditional wedding garments from all over the world. they had a little "interactive learning" space for kids, with kind of typical wedding dresses from each decade starting with 1800 or so and going to 1960 or something. unsurprisingly enough, my favorite was from the time period of jane austin. speaking of jane austin, here's a fun conversation that occurred while i was home:
sarah: oh, by the by lindsay, i need to stop at the atm.
lindsay: what does "by the by" mean?
sarah: it means, like, by the way.
lindsay: why would you say that?
heidi: because sometimes sarah thinks she's in a jane austin novel.
it's true.
anyway, we wandered around the parts of the museum that were open (not the europeans, though. sad) and there was one little room that had a video screen and seats--think very small theatre. we walked in and there was a bunch of red stuff on the screen and some very pulsating music, and thinking that we were the only ones in the room i blurted out, "is that an orgy?" it was then that i realized there was a couple about the age of my parents in the room. we left quickly.
let me talk about the bachelorette party. the non-cedar point version. we had dinner, and while we were waiting for our ice cream, jen (labrie) deem decided to make one of those paper fortune tellers out of her placemat. you know the ones with colors and then you spell it and then there are numbers inside and you count them while opening and closing it (i'm having trouble describing this without using my hands, obviously) and then there are fortunes inside. since it was a bachelorette party, jen made a dirty one. i don't remember all of the fortunes, but here are those that i do know:
2=his two lips, plus your two "lips" equals one curly mustache
3=three "accidental" slips toward the 'other hole' are not accidental...
i guess that's all i remember. but they were funny. if you know jen, this isn't surprising. if anyone knows any others, please post a comment to share with the world.
we left there and went roller skating, where we got free skate rental because lindsay was a bride-to-be (thank goodness she was wearing that ridiculous veil) and we had a blast. did you know there is this whole culture of people (kids--high school age) who hang out at the skating rink and breakdance on their roller skates? IT'S AMAZING!!!! it made me want to go...well, nothing really, but it was really cool. they had lindsay request a song, so of course she requested "baby got back," because, what else would she request, honestly? we're out there skating and guess who fell? lindsay. the bride was the only person who fell the entire night. it was HILARIOUS. she was pretty excited (sarcasm) that her knee would be all swollen and bruised on her honeymoon. we all tried to convince her that matt wouldn't be looking at her knee.
the next part of the plan was karaoke at some bar on tenth street, which, as it turns out, has karaoke on friday nights and live music on saturday. we were there on saturday. we thought there was karaoke at a different bar in avon so we went there, but there was no karaoke, just a dj and (miniscule) dance floor. this bar was pretty dive-tastic, and full of hendricks county's white trash. the dancing was pretty entertaining. heidi and i devised a game where we give everyone whom we don't like a new, sort of mean nickname. one very drunk lady who was in her mid fifties was out shaking her money maker while wearing white capri pants, so her name became fancy mcwhite pants. oh yeah, everyone got a 'mc' before their last name. well, most everyone. there was also seniorita salsa, fringe-y mcsequins (a shirt with fringe and sequins, because overkill is never enough), skinny pink tank top (the top was skinny, she was not), the striped shirt twins (two men wearing the same shirt--or close enough for us to make fun)... that might have been it.
by the end of the night it was lindsay, heidi, lauren and i. we were playing pool, having a good time, just the girls, when this guy comes over and says he and his friend want to play against us in pool. so we go over there and one guy was named stewart, and i forget the names of the other guys. now i had noticed stewart because he kept checking lauren out. he was quite the monet (looks good from far away, but up close it's just a big mess). heidi and i voted not to play because we suck at pool and it was more fun to make fun of the people in the bar. lindsay was pretty drunk by this point and had morphed into drunk voice. at one point she says to lauren "lauren, thish ish verrry imporrrrrtantt shhhot." this was really funny to me. and i kept repeating at random throughout the rest of the game. heidi and i gave nicknames to the three guys. one guy was sitting on a stool and not talking to anyone, so he became ugly mcwallflower. the other guy had a HUGE nose, and he kind of looked like an african mask, specifically the one that's in the aquarium in finding nemo. which made me think of nemo's nickname "shark bait -ooh ha ha. which of course means that his name became shark bait mc'ooh haha. it took us a while to get stewart's nickname tacked down, but we eventually setlled on stew-boo.
at one point, lindsay and lauren were losing, and lindsay and i didn't like that idea, so while everyone was distracted, we cheated and "nudged" some of their balls into the pockets until it was pretty even. so now it's the end of the game and stew-boo starts to line up a shot. and continued to line it up for FIVE MINUTES. at which time we started teasing and i repeated lindsay's line of "thish ish verrry imporrrrrtanntt shhhot." then he missed. and we died laughing. he walks over to where heidi and i had been heckling and starts telling us that we need to be nice to him and he's been nice to us, and all he wants is for us to not make fun of him. we start laughing, because we think he's joking, and he gets really mad. and starts yelling at us. heidi keeps laughing, because she apparently doesn't value her life and i'm trying to tell him that we'll be nice and get him to go away. he doesn't go away and keeps yelling. so lauren comes over and tries to diffuse the situation. it doesn't work. so his friend shark bait comes over and tries to diffuse the situation and stew-boo tries to fight him! so he leaves and we decide to leave also. as we're walking out, we ask one of the security guys to walk us out, and he agrees. stew-boo is already out at his car, but shark bait is walking out at the same time. he says to us that we shouldn't have done what we did and he was right to be mad!! we tried to tell him that we were teasing everyone equally and he had no reason to be mad, and then shark bait tries to start yelling at us. the security guy kind of diffused it and we all left, but it was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. and i've had a few crazy experiences. it's a better story in person, but this will have to do. i hope it's funny.
my cat is humping floyd, his other care bear, whom he carried in here to hump in front of me. pervert. at least he alternates between toys.
i went down to the strip today, which always makes me angry. here are some things that i feel tourists need to know:
i forgot to mention that we got home from cedar point at 5am (i was the only person in the car to be awake the entire ride home), giving me enough time to shower, eat breakfast and leave for church, where i had to sing at both services. i thought i was going to die at one point. i decided to drive down to the (one) gas station in roachdale and buy a can of monster (my energy drink of choice) and they don't sell energy drinks. just soda. i was so angry at that point i was wide awake. stupid gas station. i'm not bitter.
this is lengthy. and i think very incoherent. but whatever. bedtime.
so let me continue with some of the hijinks of my sabbatical in the crossroads of america (that's indiana, for those of you who weren't inculcated with that phrase from a very young age). i went to the art museum with heidi and lindsay to see an exhibition of wedding gowns. it was really cool. they had american gowns from different time periods as well as traditional wedding garments from all over the world. they had a little "interactive learning" space for kids, with kind of typical wedding dresses from each decade starting with 1800 or so and going to 1960 or something. unsurprisingly enough, my favorite was from the time period of jane austin. speaking of jane austin, here's a fun conversation that occurred while i was home:
sarah: oh, by the by lindsay, i need to stop at the atm.
lindsay: what does "by the by" mean?
sarah: it means, like, by the way.
lindsay: why would you say that?
heidi: because sometimes sarah thinks she's in a jane austin novel.
it's true.
anyway, we wandered around the parts of the museum that were open (not the europeans, though. sad) and there was one little room that had a video screen and seats--think very small theatre. we walked in and there was a bunch of red stuff on the screen and some very pulsating music, and thinking that we were the only ones in the room i blurted out, "is that an orgy?" it was then that i realized there was a couple about the age of my parents in the room. we left quickly.
let me talk about the bachelorette party. the non-cedar point version. we had dinner, and while we were waiting for our ice cream, jen (labrie) deem decided to make one of those paper fortune tellers out of her placemat. you know the ones with colors and then you spell it and then there are numbers inside and you count them while opening and closing it (i'm having trouble describing this without using my hands, obviously) and then there are fortunes inside. since it was a bachelorette party, jen made a dirty one. i don't remember all of the fortunes, but here are those that i do know:
2=his two lips, plus your two "lips" equals one curly mustache
3=three "accidental" slips toward the 'other hole' are not accidental...
i guess that's all i remember. but they were funny. if you know jen, this isn't surprising. if anyone knows any others, please post a comment to share with the world.
we left there and went roller skating, where we got free skate rental because lindsay was a bride-to-be (thank goodness she was wearing that ridiculous veil) and we had a blast. did you know there is this whole culture of people (kids--high school age) who hang out at the skating rink and breakdance on their roller skates? IT'S AMAZING!!!! it made me want to go...well, nothing really, but it was really cool. they had lindsay request a song, so of course she requested "baby got back," because, what else would she request, honestly? we're out there skating and guess who fell? lindsay. the bride was the only person who fell the entire night. it was HILARIOUS. she was pretty excited (sarcasm) that her knee would be all swollen and bruised on her honeymoon. we all tried to convince her that matt wouldn't be looking at her knee.
the next part of the plan was karaoke at some bar on tenth street, which, as it turns out, has karaoke on friday nights and live music on saturday. we were there on saturday. we thought there was karaoke at a different bar in avon so we went there, but there was no karaoke, just a dj and (miniscule) dance floor. this bar was pretty dive-tastic, and full of hendricks county's white trash. the dancing was pretty entertaining. heidi and i devised a game where we give everyone whom we don't like a new, sort of mean nickname. one very drunk lady who was in her mid fifties was out shaking her money maker while wearing white capri pants, so her name became fancy mcwhite pants. oh yeah, everyone got a 'mc' before their last name. well, most everyone. there was also seniorita salsa, fringe-y mcsequins (a shirt with fringe and sequins, because overkill is never enough), skinny pink tank top (the top was skinny, she was not), the striped shirt twins (two men wearing the same shirt--or close enough for us to make fun)... that might have been it.
by the end of the night it was lindsay, heidi, lauren and i. we were playing pool, having a good time, just the girls, when this guy comes over and says he and his friend want to play against us in pool. so we go over there and one guy was named stewart, and i forget the names of the other guys. now i had noticed stewart because he kept checking lauren out. he was quite the monet (looks good from far away, but up close it's just a big mess). heidi and i voted not to play because we suck at pool and it was more fun to make fun of the people in the bar. lindsay was pretty drunk by this point and had morphed into drunk voice. at one point she says to lauren "lauren, thish ish verrry imporrrrrtantt shhhot." this was really funny to me. and i kept repeating at random throughout the rest of the game. heidi and i gave nicknames to the three guys. one guy was sitting on a stool and not talking to anyone, so he became ugly mcwallflower. the other guy had a HUGE nose, and he kind of looked like an african mask, specifically the one that's in the aquarium in finding nemo. which made me think of nemo's nickname "shark bait -ooh ha ha. which of course means that his name became shark bait mc'ooh haha. it took us a while to get stewart's nickname tacked down, but we eventually setlled on stew-boo.
at one point, lindsay and lauren were losing, and lindsay and i didn't like that idea, so while everyone was distracted, we cheated and "nudged" some of their balls into the pockets until it was pretty even. so now it's the end of the game and stew-boo starts to line up a shot. and continued to line it up for FIVE MINUTES. at which time we started teasing and i repeated lindsay's line of "thish ish verrry imporrrrrtanntt shhhot." then he missed. and we died laughing. he walks over to where heidi and i had been heckling and starts telling us that we need to be nice to him and he's been nice to us, and all he wants is for us to not make fun of him. we start laughing, because we think he's joking, and he gets really mad. and starts yelling at us. heidi keeps laughing, because she apparently doesn't value her life and i'm trying to tell him that we'll be nice and get him to go away. he doesn't go away and keeps yelling. so lauren comes over and tries to diffuse the situation. it doesn't work. so his friend shark bait comes over and tries to diffuse the situation and stew-boo tries to fight him! so he leaves and we decide to leave also. as we're walking out, we ask one of the security guys to walk us out, and he agrees. stew-boo is already out at his car, but shark bait is walking out at the same time. he says to us that we shouldn't have done what we did and he was right to be mad!! we tried to tell him that we were teasing everyone equally and he had no reason to be mad, and then shark bait tries to start yelling at us. the security guy kind of diffused it and we all left, but it was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. and i've had a few crazy experiences. it's a better story in person, but this will have to do. i hope it's funny.
my cat is humping floyd, his other care bear, whom he carried in here to hump in front of me. pervert. at least he alternates between toys.
i went down to the strip today, which always makes me angry. here are some things that i feel tourists need to know:
- you're in vegas. not orlando. there is couture here. dior, fendi, burberry, prada, chanel, valentino. don't wear old t-shirts from the county fair. at least try to be clean.
- just because they sell 2-foot tall margaritas at 9am, it doesn't mean you should buy one. you look dumb. and the natives are laughing at you.
- if it looks like a fanny pack, buckles like a fanny pack, and sits above your groin like a fanny pack, it's a fanny pack. even if it says louis vuitton or gucci. and it's not okay.
- yes, the buildings are pretty and tall and there are lots of lights and many things to look at. this does not mean you are alowed to come to a complete halt in the middle of the walkway to look at said pretty things. move to the side.
- if you are going to walk slowly, at least walk in a straight line so people who have places to be can pass you. you only zigzag if you're trying to run and not get shot. if you zigzag while i'm trying to pass you, making it impossible for me to pass you, you might get shot. if i had a gun, that is. and not morals. and not conscience... okay, you might not get shot, but i'll bitch about you in my blog.
- if you don't know how to drive on a west coast freeway (fast, agressive), don't drive. let a taxi do it for you. because you'll be in my way, and i'll get angry.
i forgot to mention that we got home from cedar point at 5am (i was the only person in the car to be awake the entire ride home), giving me enough time to shower, eat breakfast and leave for church, where i had to sing at both services. i thought i was going to die at one point. i decided to drive down to the (one) gas station in roachdale and buy a can of monster (my energy drink of choice) and they don't sell energy drinks. just soda. i was so angry at that point i was wide awake. stupid gas station. i'm not bitter.
this is lengthy. and i think very incoherent. but whatever. bedtime.
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