the other day i was thinking about the movie when harry met sally, and i came to a conclusion. i think that movie has deluded a generation of women (or at least just me) about falling in love. now, what i'm about to say may or may not be a) historyicallya accurate, or b) original, but i thought of it all by myself, and i'm pretty proud. it seems like when harry met sally is the archetype of this idea of "friends first" that seems to have captured the fantasies of a lot of women i know. we want to be friends with someone and watch it turn into love. my parents archetypical romance was "love story;" with all its tragedy, and falling in love at first sight. no one wants love at first sight anymore (or at least i don't). we want to meet someone, become friends, and then wake up one day and realize we're in love. think about it--a lot of our favorite couples fall under this pattern: harry and sally, ross and rachel, ... okay, i can't think of any others, but that's not the point! how many movies have you seen where the protagonist is running around looking for love, and then they realize that it's right under their nose? i don't want to go on a date wtih someone, i want to meet them somewhere and start talking and hang out a lot and then one day start referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. i don't know how many articles i've read in cosmo and glamour that talk about moving from friends to dating--should you do it, how you know you should do it, when to do it, how it might mess up the friendship... and maybe this is just me because i tend to live my life a little too much in fantasy and i'm too chicken to talk to a guy i find attractive if i don't already know him. but i blame it on when harry met sally. don't get me wrong--i love the fact that most people i know understand the importance of being friends with your significant other (i would say that being friends is the most important part--you'll be hanging out with that person a lot), but i guess for me, at least, it's created this fear that the only way to ensure that is to fall in love with someone i've already befriended. anyway. that's that. sorry its not so funny. or maybe it is.
my lips are very chapped. stupid non-humidity. i also think i may have to give up hope of ever wearing my hair curly, because when i try to, it looks like jack white hair and that's NOT the look i'm going for, interestingly enough.
i'm going to a greek food festival today. last night i told john that i was hoping to meet a hot greek guy who was not very hairy and didn't have greased back hair, and actually was really orlando bloom. here's hoping!!
i've decided that i have the most screwed up separation anxiety of anyone i know. i was thinking about the lord of the rings movies, and how the last one makes me so sad, and i stopped to think why it makes me sad. it's, for the most part, a happy ending--the good guys win, most everyone lives (except for gollom/smeagol who was beyond saving anyway) everyone who is supposed to finds love, and evil is vanquised. so why so sad? and i realized it was for two reasons: first, and selfishly, because the story was over, and i could only watch the same parts over and over again. the anticipation of wating for a new one to premere at christmastime was done and there was nothing new to wonder about. secondly, and somewhat more disturbingly, was because it meant the fellowship was going to split up and i was really sad for THEM. this is a problem because i'm not one of them so why do i care, and THEY'RE NOT REALY PEOPLE--IT'S A MADE UP STORY. I'M SITTING ON MY COUCH FEELING SORRY FOR MADE UP CHARACTERS. i tried not to think too much about that, because it means i really live my life too much in fantasy. but i realized that whenever i get separation anxiety, it's really just a knowledge, ahead of time, that the people i'm saying goodbye to are not important enough to keep in touch with. when i left college, i didn't have that, because i knew the friends i had made were ones that i would keep contact with. when i said goodbye to my family to move out here, i didn't have separation anxiety because i knew i'd see my family again. does that seem backwards to anyone but me?
i've been thinking a lot lately--two original thoughts in two days might be a new record. it just goes to show that i need to make some friends.
i want to date/marry someone who has an accent. or if not an accent, can speak a foreign language, but only certain ones. spanish and italian are okay, but not preferable. french is alright, but i can speak it, so that "what are you saying" factor is gone. celtic/gaelic would be awesome, or russian, mandarin, old english, middle english, africaans, dutch, any cyrrilic language (all the ones that sound a lot like russian), polish, finnish, austrian, czech/slovakian (the're really similar), or tagolog. portuguese would work only if spoken by a very attractive brazilian man. languages that don't do much for me would be japanese, actually any asian language except mandarin (this includes south asia), portugese (spoken by anyone but a brazilian man, swedish, norweigain, most african languages, german, or anything i haven't mentioned. prefered accents would be british, scottish, irish, australian/new zealandish(?), russian, brazilian, minnesotan, or swiss. the desirability of other accents would have to be determined on an individual basis. in case you were wondering.
i get to spend all of tomorrow morning in a parking lot with my key clubbers and a bunch of kiwanis (which in my mind screams "creepy old men! creepy old men!"). my kids are doing a parking lot sale--which means you pay for a space in a parking lot and sell stuff. sounds strange to me. it starts at 7:00 am. SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE FREAKING MORNING! ON A SUNDAY! i go to church on sundays, but not until 10:00. so i'm going to church tonight. after the greek food festival. sometime i need to do some grading and leson planning for the week. or i could just have my students do silent reading all day everyday while i sleep or read a book. oh wait...that's called subbing. shit.
okay, i need to go salvage what i can of my attempt at curly hair. stupid desert.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
new season of america's next top model starts tonight!!!
yes, one of my guilty pleasers (there are many, unfortunately) is america's next top model. new season starts tonight. i'm kind of worried that i won't stay awake for it. mom, don't read this next part. my microwave is broken, and i don't feel like cooking, so i think dinner tonight will be reduced-fat wheat thins and perhaps a peanut butter sandwich. MOM YOU CAN READ NOW. i made instant pudding sunday night, and when i went to eat it today, i discovered that it was fozen. despair!!! i have to buy a new microwave sometime soon. i could cook everything on the stove or in the oven, but that's just way too much work.
open house is tomorrow. i'm terrified. if i'm lucky, i won't actually see many of the parents, which will be nice.
i found out on monday that i'm going to get a new class next week. in nevada, they do this thing called levelling, which means that about the third or fourth week of school, once everyone's schedule is mostly set, they look to see which classes are too full or too small and then combine the small ones and create new sections of the too big ones. my two remedial senior classes are both pretty small, so they're gonna combine them, and then i'll get another class. which is cool. here's the down side: the new class is a whole new course. i'm not getting another section of american lit, i'm getting a new class of modern lit. the teacher who has modern lit is going to get a section of honors freshmen, and i'm going to get her modern lit class. which means that i'll now have three classes to prepare for each week, instead of two. one more prep doesn't sound like a lot, but the modern lit class is pretty much all novels, so i'll have a lot of work to do. please start sympathizing now.
today i got a new student who was wearing a pink sweatsuit (that's right friends, a matching sweatshirt and sweatpants, in september, in the desert - the high was about 90 today) with the sweatpants tucked into two pair of slouch socks. one pair was pink, one was white and they were in the opposite order on each leg. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!! these children need to learn from my prepubescent fashion mistakes!
the other day i saw a girl wearing a shirt that said, "g is for gangsta." she was not gangsta. she was failry average, white, with blonde hair that had been pulled back into a ponytail while still wet. NOT GANGSTA. i really wanted to just tell her to stop.
here is a list of the sexiest moments in film:
1. movie: the lord of the rings, the two towers. the part when viggo mortensen (aragorn) comes into helms deep after they all think he's dead and his hair is all wet and dirty and he comes into the hall and his head is down.... yum.
2. movie: fight club. pretty much all of it, but especially the part when he comes to the bedroom door while having sex with helena bonham carter and he's all ripped...
3. movie: desperado. when salma hayek is trying to get him to "get nasty" with her and he resists for a moment and then kind of nods and says, "mhmm" and they, um, play a rousing game of gin rummy or something.
4. movie: ned kelly. when orlando bloom follows the banker's wife into her boudoir and she says she's heard rumors about him and all his women and he replies that they were just friends and she asks something about if they were ALL friends and he says, "i have a lot of friends,"or something like that...
5. movie: pirates of the caribbean. when johnny depp and orlando bloom are stealing the ship and orlando bloom notices that the redcoats are following them and johnny depp gives that little half smile.
6. movie: pride and prejudice. when colin firth gets out of the pond at his house and his shirt is all wet and sticking to him.
7. movie: love actually. when andrew lincoln (the guy that's in love with keira knightly) knocks on her door and holds up all those signs talking about how he loves her but he's okay and one of the signs says, "to me, you are perfect." *sigh*
8. movie: any one that heath ledger is in. pretty much whenever he smiles that cocky, crooked, "aren't i cute in my noncaring way?" smile.
9. movie: the fast and the furious. when vin diesel and michelle rodriguez are, um, "being intimate" in the garage while the fbi are arresting the chinese guys and he grabs her by the "backside" and picks her up and walks across the garage. anyone who has lived with me has probably seen that part more than once.
10. movie: gladiator. when russel crowe meets joaquim phoenix for the first time as a gladiator and he gives the whole spiel about "father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and i will have my revenge, in this life or the next."
11. movie: transporter (which i'm currently watching. it ranks over america's next top model). whever jason statham smiles. it's not really all that frequent. (for those of you following along at home, jason statham is the guy that plays handsome rob in the italian job. the new one.)
that's all i can think of right now. by brain is tired. if you have one you'd like to add, let me know. that dinner of wheat thins really wore me out. :) hope this is funny... (i don't think it is though)
open house is tomorrow. i'm terrified. if i'm lucky, i won't actually see many of the parents, which will be nice.
i found out on monday that i'm going to get a new class next week. in nevada, they do this thing called levelling, which means that about the third or fourth week of school, once everyone's schedule is mostly set, they look to see which classes are too full or too small and then combine the small ones and create new sections of the too big ones. my two remedial senior classes are both pretty small, so they're gonna combine them, and then i'll get another class. which is cool. here's the down side: the new class is a whole new course. i'm not getting another section of american lit, i'm getting a new class of modern lit. the teacher who has modern lit is going to get a section of honors freshmen, and i'm going to get her modern lit class. which means that i'll now have three classes to prepare for each week, instead of two. one more prep doesn't sound like a lot, but the modern lit class is pretty much all novels, so i'll have a lot of work to do. please start sympathizing now.
today i got a new student who was wearing a pink sweatsuit (that's right friends, a matching sweatshirt and sweatpants, in september, in the desert - the high was about 90 today) with the sweatpants tucked into two pair of slouch socks. one pair was pink, one was white and they were in the opposite order on each leg. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!! these children need to learn from my prepubescent fashion mistakes!
the other day i saw a girl wearing a shirt that said, "g is for gangsta." she was not gangsta. she was failry average, white, with blonde hair that had been pulled back into a ponytail while still wet. NOT GANGSTA. i really wanted to just tell her to stop.
here is a list of the sexiest moments in film:
1. movie: the lord of the rings, the two towers. the part when viggo mortensen (aragorn) comes into helms deep after they all think he's dead and his hair is all wet and dirty and he comes into the hall and his head is down.... yum.
2. movie: fight club. pretty much all of it, but especially the part when he comes to the bedroom door while having sex with helena bonham carter and he's all ripped...
3. movie: desperado. when salma hayek is trying to get him to "get nasty" with her and he resists for a moment and then kind of nods and says, "mhmm" and they, um, play a rousing game of gin rummy or something.
4. movie: ned kelly. when orlando bloom follows the banker's wife into her boudoir and she says she's heard rumors about him and all his women and he replies that they were just friends and she asks something about if they were ALL friends and he says, "i have a lot of friends,"or something like that...
5. movie: pirates of the caribbean. when johnny depp and orlando bloom are stealing the ship and orlando bloom notices that the redcoats are following them and johnny depp gives that little half smile.
6. movie: pride and prejudice. when colin firth gets out of the pond at his house and his shirt is all wet and sticking to him.
7. movie: love actually. when andrew lincoln (the guy that's in love with keira knightly) knocks on her door and holds up all those signs talking about how he loves her but he's okay and one of the signs says, "to me, you are perfect." *sigh*
8. movie: any one that heath ledger is in. pretty much whenever he smiles that cocky, crooked, "aren't i cute in my noncaring way?" smile.
9. movie: the fast and the furious. when vin diesel and michelle rodriguez are, um, "being intimate" in the garage while the fbi are arresting the chinese guys and he grabs her by the "backside" and picks her up and walks across the garage. anyone who has lived with me has probably seen that part more than once.
10. movie: gladiator. when russel crowe meets joaquim phoenix for the first time as a gladiator and he gives the whole spiel about "father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and i will have my revenge, in this life or the next."
11. movie: transporter (which i'm currently watching. it ranks over america's next top model). whever jason statham smiles. it's not really all that frequent. (for those of you following along at home, jason statham is the guy that plays handsome rob in the italian job. the new one.)
that's all i can think of right now. by brain is tired. if you have one you'd like to add, let me know. that dinner of wheat thins really wore me out. :) hope this is funny... (i don't think it is though)
Sunday, September 18, 2005
it's been a while...
sorry about that. this past week was pretty tiring (stupid key club) and i just wasn't feeling particularly funny, and a non-funny blog just seems kind of pointless.
first of all, i would like to thank abc, nbc, cbs, fox, upn, the wb, tbs, wgn, f/x, mtv, mtv2, vh1, tnt, spike tv, abc family, and (for the hell of it) the home shopping network for giving me the saddest weekend ever. i'm feeling a little lonely this weekend, but it wasn't unbearable. i didn't consider throwing myself out of the window (i live on the first floor, so it wouldn't doo much good anyway) or anything, i just was missing home. so, of course, i turn to my favorite form of escapism, mediocre movies on basic cable. luckily for me, every channel except for freaking hgtv and animal planet decided to play every sad film they could think of. examples: a walk to remember, armageddon, stepmom, a britney/kevin: chaotic marathon on mtv (sad only because its so incredibly bad yet i can't ever seem to turn it off when it's on), and a dancing with the stars marathon on abc family (sad because no one needs to see that much joey macintyre in one day after 1993). by saturday afternoon, i decided that i didn't need tv when i had a fairly substantial collection of movies, many of which i'd never watched. so what did i choose? not something happy like 10 things i hate about you, or pride and prejudice; not a mindless action movie (i even have a rented copy of james bond: goldeneye on my tv); not even an episode of jem (yes, i do own seasons one and two) or alias. no. what did i watch. finding neverland. and what happened? i cried. a lot. i'm sad, and the only thing on tv are sad movies, so what do i watch? one of my sad movies. stupid negative emotions.
so now, in the spirit of surrounding myself with humor while i write my blog, i'm watching 8 mile. hilarity. i'm screwed up.
this evening i decided to get chinese take out for dinner. i went to a place down the street and got some sesame chicken, about which i was VERY excited, but, unfortunately, it wasn't very good. i was expecting wok 'n' roll (my favorite chinese takeout place in chicago) quality, and it just wasn't there. disappointment.
a few weeks ago, i went shopping at the outlet mall and a got a new sweater at ann taylor. i was very excited about said sweater because a) it was really cute, b) it matched a skirt that i bought this summer and hadn't found anything to match, and c) it was from ann taylor and only $25.00 (plus 10% off because i opened up a charge account). i wore it to school on thursday with said skirt and was very excited, because it looked really cute together. halfway through the second period of the day, one of my students said to me, "miss nolan, did you know that there is a rip in you sweater?" the shoulder seam had ripped out of the back of my left shoulder. and i don't mean a little hole, i mean SIX INCHES of the back of my shoulder was hanging out. one of my other students yells out, "i saw the tear, but i thought it was supposed to be like that." this scared me for a couple of reasons: 1) it means that ripped clothing is becoming so common that my students see nothing wrong with it (i'm having flashbacks of the breakfast club and sixteen candles as i type this), and 2) they really thought i would try to be that trendy while teaching.
here are some things i'm not okay with:
1) teva sandles. i'm pretty sure they are only acceptable while doing the following activities: white water rafting, kyaking, canoeing, some type of river/creek hiking, and under special circumstances, mowing the lawn. they are not acceptable while doing the following activities: anything else. i saw someone wearing them shopping today. and here's the best part: it was a woman wearing them, and she was wearing all designer clothes.
2. a woman wearing a white tanktop, a black baseball cap (backwards and sideways), and brown warm up pants that had a patch of a moose or elk or something right in the middle of her ass crack. scraggly hair. i wanted to smack her and say, "okay, first of all, you're not a celebrity, so stop trying to be famous-chic. second, brown and black do not, under any circumstances, match, and three, WASH YOUR HAIR!!! this girl was white. her hair could handle being washed every day.
3. i saw a woman today wearing a tank top which was stretched very tightly across her (obviously fake) breasts upon which was written the word, "suger." yes, suger. IF THE WORD IS SPELLED INCORRECTLY, DO NOT BUY THE GARMENT. this is just a rule of thumb.
4. the fact that my right eye has been twitching all day. for the past five hours or so. unacceptable.
anyway. this is going to be lengthy, because i'm very tired and i know that if i sit down to watch tv, i'll fall asleep, wake up at 8:30, and won't be able to go to bed a a decent time.
i have open house on thursday, which means that i have to fill 10 minutes in front of the parents six times. and i have to find my most adult, professional, "i'm a teacher" outfit i have. it doesn't help that i'm only about 5 years older than most of my students. eep!
i might have talked about this before, but i'm going to again. there is a wal-mart grocery store a block from my house. it's great. it's cheap, has lots of variety, and a store brand for just about everything in the store. but there are picketers on the sidewalk in front of the store every day with signs about how wal-mart doesn't pay fair wages and whatnot...they don't bother anyone going into the store, but they're always there. so now i have a huge guilt issue with shopping at wal-mart and feel like i need to apologize to the picketers everytime i go in there to buy things. but it's so cheap! and it's wal-mart, so it's comforting to go in there. and it's really cheap.
today, i was loading my groceries into my car in the wal-mart market parking lot and this guy comes up to me asking if i can help him, he lost his credit card, and he tried calling his mom, and he's locked out of his car, and he lives on jones and tropicana (not really anywhere near the store--close to the south end of the strip, at least 30 blocks away), etc. i told him i was sorry i couldn't help him, even though i wasn't really sure what he wanted. i think he wanted a ride to his house, and i wasn't about to let a stranger in my car, especially when he didn't know the secret word my parents and i had come up with when i was five (i think it was dorkbreath? mom, dad, let me know). he just said thanks anyway and walked away, and then i felt bad, because i'm a little too midwestern for my own good, and today at church they talked about helping people, and doing good deeds and going the extra mile, and a life of service. i realized i could have let him use my phone, but i was too scared that he would kidnap me and rape me and bury me in the desert and then steal my car (which is far from being paid off) and then i'd never get to make cookies on my new cookie sheet, and i'd rather meet nick stokes while i'm still breathing thanks. and he said he'd been waiting for an hour, but he had a fairly fresh cigarette in his hand. i hope he's okay. so i did the smart thing, and i'm still alive. on the downside, i haven't met nick stokes. oh well.
so, this week i accidentally drew a penis on the board. i was talking about columbus and trade routes and how the europeans used to go around africa to get to asia, so i was drawing a nonmap on the board, and i just drew a little half circle for europe and asia, and a longer, narrow, rounded area for africa. i noticed that my students were giggling and when i looked back at the board, i realized it looked like a penis and two testicles. it's amazing how i can keep a straight face at anything when i'm teaching. i'm giggling as i write this, but that day, i was just like, "guys, let's not be 12, okay?" and i erased it nonchalontly as i talked, but the damage was done, i think. it was embarrasing. a few days later, they giggled at the word seamen in one of our stories. i probably would have too if i wasn't pretending to be the adult in the room.
my key club kids crack me up. they're all from summerlin (a pretty wealthy area), mostly honor students, and mostly asian, yet they all think they're gangster, and then they laugh when i tell them they're not gangsta, because i say gangsta, like one should. one girl told me she's a baller. i said no. they crack me up. they're all wearing hollister and tommy hilfiger and chuck taylor's, while acting like they're rap stars. they're so cute. they think it's cool that i have my nose pierced.
today while i was picking out bananas at wal-mart, i passed three old ladies, one of whom was wearing the perfume youth dew by estee lauder. now, if you smelled youth dew at the estee lauder counter at macy's, you'd probably make a face and make a comment that it smells like old woman, which it does, but it's the perfume my grandmother, who died in may, wore everyday of my life. that smell will always remind me of her. it was her smell. i teared up and got all frowny in the produce section of wal-mart, much like i'm doing right now.
i don't know if i've written about this before, but there's a casino called the rio on the strip here in vegas. there was a cartoon in the 80's called jem and the holograms, about this rock group whose lead singer was a hologram. there was big hair, lots of neon, and some reallybad make-up. the songs were even worse. jem had a boyfriend. he had a purple mullet. his name was rio. therefore, when i see the rio, i don't think of carnivale, or brazil, or sexiness, or anything of the like. i think of the cartoon character with the purple mullett. i just can't take that place seriously. the fact that the outside of it is pink, purple, and aqua doesn't help the 80's association.
here's a brief list of the things sitting on my desk:
1. speakers
2. a super big gulp from seven eleven.
3. a swiss army knife.
4. my old cheks.
5. the pink cover for my ipod, which is locked in a file cabinet at work.
6. a pen holder (holding a magic marker, a pair of scissors, a sharpie, a mechanical pencil, and an unsharpened pencil from AAA.
7. two cd's with very bad bootlegs of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Bewitched.
8. a receipt from taco bell.
9. two big, sparkly clothespins that i need to take to work, but haven't yet because i'm a lazy piece of flesh.
10. a blue ink pen.
11. my graphing calculator whose graphing funcions i've never used because i don't know how.
12. my pencil case from france, full of colored pens that i bought in france to write letters to people, none of which i ever wrote.
13. the form from my tuberculosis test that was over a month ago.
14. three packets of ketchup from mcdonald's
15. headphones.
16. a candle holder which has in it another pair of headphones and a hairpin with a puple sparkly flower that i've worn exactly twice.
17. the phone number for a police officer here in town.
18. the phone number for a woman that works at the hotel where we stayed when i moved out here.
19. the change of address packet from the post office that i forgot to fill out, so my parents filled one out for me and i haven't walked the 10 steps to the trash can to throw this one away.
20. mousepad, for a fiber optic mouse that doesn't need a mousepad.
21. mouse.
22. keyboard.
23. a beck's glass i stole from a bar in indy somewhere that now houses my change.
as you can tell, it's a very productive workspace.
well, i feel that this is sufficiently long and pointless, so i'm going to stop writing. i think i had some more funny stories, but i can't remember them. i'm too distracted by my eye constantly twitching. stupid eye.
first of all, i would like to thank abc, nbc, cbs, fox, upn, the wb, tbs, wgn, f/x, mtv, mtv2, vh1, tnt, spike tv, abc family, and (for the hell of it) the home shopping network for giving me the saddest weekend ever. i'm feeling a little lonely this weekend, but it wasn't unbearable. i didn't consider throwing myself out of the window (i live on the first floor, so it wouldn't doo much good anyway) or anything, i just was missing home. so, of course, i turn to my favorite form of escapism, mediocre movies on basic cable. luckily for me, every channel except for freaking hgtv and animal planet decided to play every sad film they could think of. examples: a walk to remember, armageddon, stepmom, a britney/kevin: chaotic marathon on mtv (sad only because its so incredibly bad yet i can't ever seem to turn it off when it's on), and a dancing with the stars marathon on abc family (sad because no one needs to see that much joey macintyre in one day after 1993). by saturday afternoon, i decided that i didn't need tv when i had a fairly substantial collection of movies, many of which i'd never watched. so what did i choose? not something happy like 10 things i hate about you, or pride and prejudice; not a mindless action movie (i even have a rented copy of james bond: goldeneye on my tv); not even an episode of jem (yes, i do own seasons one and two) or alias. no. what did i watch. finding neverland. and what happened? i cried. a lot. i'm sad, and the only thing on tv are sad movies, so what do i watch? one of my sad movies. stupid negative emotions.
so now, in the spirit of surrounding myself with humor while i write my blog, i'm watching 8 mile. hilarity. i'm screwed up.
this evening i decided to get chinese take out for dinner. i went to a place down the street and got some sesame chicken, about which i was VERY excited, but, unfortunately, it wasn't very good. i was expecting wok 'n' roll (my favorite chinese takeout place in chicago) quality, and it just wasn't there. disappointment.
a few weeks ago, i went shopping at the outlet mall and a got a new sweater at ann taylor. i was very excited about said sweater because a) it was really cute, b) it matched a skirt that i bought this summer and hadn't found anything to match, and c) it was from ann taylor and only $25.00 (plus 10% off because i opened up a charge account). i wore it to school on thursday with said skirt and was very excited, because it looked really cute together. halfway through the second period of the day, one of my students said to me, "miss nolan, did you know that there is a rip in you sweater?" the shoulder seam had ripped out of the back of my left shoulder. and i don't mean a little hole, i mean SIX INCHES of the back of my shoulder was hanging out. one of my other students yells out, "i saw the tear, but i thought it was supposed to be like that." this scared me for a couple of reasons: 1) it means that ripped clothing is becoming so common that my students see nothing wrong with it (i'm having flashbacks of the breakfast club and sixteen candles as i type this), and 2) they really thought i would try to be that trendy while teaching.
here are some things i'm not okay with:
1) teva sandles. i'm pretty sure they are only acceptable while doing the following activities: white water rafting, kyaking, canoeing, some type of river/creek hiking, and under special circumstances, mowing the lawn. they are not acceptable while doing the following activities: anything else. i saw someone wearing them shopping today. and here's the best part: it was a woman wearing them, and she was wearing all designer clothes.
2. a woman wearing a white tanktop, a black baseball cap (backwards and sideways), and brown warm up pants that had a patch of a moose or elk or something right in the middle of her ass crack. scraggly hair. i wanted to smack her and say, "okay, first of all, you're not a celebrity, so stop trying to be famous-chic. second, brown and black do not, under any circumstances, match, and three, WASH YOUR HAIR!!! this girl was white. her hair could handle being washed every day.
3. i saw a woman today wearing a tank top which was stretched very tightly across her (obviously fake) breasts upon which was written the word, "suger." yes, suger. IF THE WORD IS SPELLED INCORRECTLY, DO NOT BUY THE GARMENT. this is just a rule of thumb.
4. the fact that my right eye has been twitching all day. for the past five hours or so. unacceptable.
anyway. this is going to be lengthy, because i'm very tired and i know that if i sit down to watch tv, i'll fall asleep, wake up at 8:30, and won't be able to go to bed a a decent time.
i have open house on thursday, which means that i have to fill 10 minutes in front of the parents six times. and i have to find my most adult, professional, "i'm a teacher" outfit i have. it doesn't help that i'm only about 5 years older than most of my students. eep!
i might have talked about this before, but i'm going to again. there is a wal-mart grocery store a block from my house. it's great. it's cheap, has lots of variety, and a store brand for just about everything in the store. but there are picketers on the sidewalk in front of the store every day with signs about how wal-mart doesn't pay fair wages and whatnot...they don't bother anyone going into the store, but they're always there. so now i have a huge guilt issue with shopping at wal-mart and feel like i need to apologize to the picketers everytime i go in there to buy things. but it's so cheap! and it's wal-mart, so it's comforting to go in there. and it's really cheap.
today, i was loading my groceries into my car in the wal-mart market parking lot and this guy comes up to me asking if i can help him, he lost his credit card, and he tried calling his mom, and he's locked out of his car, and he lives on jones and tropicana (not really anywhere near the store--close to the south end of the strip, at least 30 blocks away), etc. i told him i was sorry i couldn't help him, even though i wasn't really sure what he wanted. i think he wanted a ride to his house, and i wasn't about to let a stranger in my car, especially when he didn't know the secret word my parents and i had come up with when i was five (i think it was dorkbreath? mom, dad, let me know). he just said thanks anyway and walked away, and then i felt bad, because i'm a little too midwestern for my own good, and today at church they talked about helping people, and doing good deeds and going the extra mile, and a life of service. i realized i could have let him use my phone, but i was too scared that he would kidnap me and rape me and bury me in the desert and then steal my car (which is far from being paid off) and then i'd never get to make cookies on my new cookie sheet, and i'd rather meet nick stokes while i'm still breathing thanks. and he said he'd been waiting for an hour, but he had a fairly fresh cigarette in his hand. i hope he's okay. so i did the smart thing, and i'm still alive. on the downside, i haven't met nick stokes. oh well.
so, this week i accidentally drew a penis on the board. i was talking about columbus and trade routes and how the europeans used to go around africa to get to asia, so i was drawing a nonmap on the board, and i just drew a little half circle for europe and asia, and a longer, narrow, rounded area for africa. i noticed that my students were giggling and when i looked back at the board, i realized it looked like a penis and two testicles. it's amazing how i can keep a straight face at anything when i'm teaching. i'm giggling as i write this, but that day, i was just like, "guys, let's not be 12, okay?" and i erased it nonchalontly as i talked, but the damage was done, i think. it was embarrasing. a few days later, they giggled at the word seamen in one of our stories. i probably would have too if i wasn't pretending to be the adult in the room.
my key club kids crack me up. they're all from summerlin (a pretty wealthy area), mostly honor students, and mostly asian, yet they all think they're gangster, and then they laugh when i tell them they're not gangsta, because i say gangsta, like one should. one girl told me she's a baller. i said no. they crack me up. they're all wearing hollister and tommy hilfiger and chuck taylor's, while acting like they're rap stars. they're so cute. they think it's cool that i have my nose pierced.
today while i was picking out bananas at wal-mart, i passed three old ladies, one of whom was wearing the perfume youth dew by estee lauder. now, if you smelled youth dew at the estee lauder counter at macy's, you'd probably make a face and make a comment that it smells like old woman, which it does, but it's the perfume my grandmother, who died in may, wore everyday of my life. that smell will always remind me of her. it was her smell. i teared up and got all frowny in the produce section of wal-mart, much like i'm doing right now.
i don't know if i've written about this before, but there's a casino called the rio on the strip here in vegas. there was a cartoon in the 80's called jem and the holograms, about this rock group whose lead singer was a hologram. there was big hair, lots of neon, and some reallybad make-up. the songs were even worse. jem had a boyfriend. he had a purple mullet. his name was rio. therefore, when i see the rio, i don't think of carnivale, or brazil, or sexiness, or anything of the like. i think of the cartoon character with the purple mullett. i just can't take that place seriously. the fact that the outside of it is pink, purple, and aqua doesn't help the 80's association.
here's a brief list of the things sitting on my desk:
1. speakers
2. a super big gulp from seven eleven.
3. a swiss army knife.
4. my old cheks.
5. the pink cover for my ipod, which is locked in a file cabinet at work.
6. a pen holder (holding a magic marker, a pair of scissors, a sharpie, a mechanical pencil, and an unsharpened pencil from AAA.
7. two cd's with very bad bootlegs of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Bewitched.
8. a receipt from taco bell.
9. two big, sparkly clothespins that i need to take to work, but haven't yet because i'm a lazy piece of flesh.
10. a blue ink pen.
11. my graphing calculator whose graphing funcions i've never used because i don't know how.
12. my pencil case from france, full of colored pens that i bought in france to write letters to people, none of which i ever wrote.
13. the form from my tuberculosis test that was over a month ago.
14. three packets of ketchup from mcdonald's
15. headphones.
16. a candle holder which has in it another pair of headphones and a hairpin with a puple sparkly flower that i've worn exactly twice.
17. the phone number for a police officer here in town.
18. the phone number for a woman that works at the hotel where we stayed when i moved out here.
19. the change of address packet from the post office that i forgot to fill out, so my parents filled one out for me and i haven't walked the 10 steps to the trash can to throw this one away.
20. mousepad, for a fiber optic mouse that doesn't need a mousepad.
21. mouse.
22. keyboard.
23. a beck's glass i stole from a bar in indy somewhere that now houses my change.
as you can tell, it's a very productive workspace.
well, i feel that this is sufficiently long and pointless, so i'm going to stop writing. i think i had some more funny stories, but i can't remember them. i'm too distracted by my eye constantly twitching. stupid eye.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
oh hell no...
this one is going to be quick, because i'm tired and its only tuesday. and tomorrow i have to go to a district key club meeting at 5pm. 5pm!! that's smack dab in the middle of my evening. and tonight i had to go to new teacher training (read: new teacher torture) for three hours, which meant i didn't get home until 8pm, which is really late when one goes to bed at 9pm. as you can see, it's currently 9:16 pm and i'm still up. i'm a wild one.
so here's the reason for the "oh hell no." in the past three school days (friday, monday, tuesday) i have seen three separate occurances of SLOUCH SOCKS! serously!? slouch socks? friday, it was a male student who was wearing red slouch socks with red basketball shorts and hi-top sneakers. what? monday it was a female student wearing a jean skirt with not one, but two pairs of slouch socks, one pink and one yellow--and they were in the opposite order on each leg, a la 1990. today, it was another female student with her jeans tucked into her white slouch socks. OH HELL NO are slouch socks back in style. i understand that retro is in and all, but the early 90's?? just because it's old doesn't mean it's okay to rerun.
friday i was walking around my classroom while my students worked in groups and i was looking at their belongings (snooping) and noticed that one girls binder was like this: a picture of she and her friends with something about "BFF" and the following phrase: "Best friends forever. Roll together, live together, shop together, die together." DIE TOGETHER?? they're a bunch of spoiled white girls, not tupac!!!!
i saw a girl in the hallway today wearing a cute little outfit that consisted of jeans, a little pink shirt and these adorable pink pointy-toed pumps. here's the funny part--she obviously couldn't walk in the shoes. i wanted to pull her aside and say, "listen, the key is practice. and if your feet hurt, don't let it show. just keep walking like those are the most comfortable shoes you've ever had on your feet." if i learned nothing else from chelsea hampton, it was that i wear my shoes. they don't wear me.
i really want a milkshake. good things it's bed time soon.
so here's the reason for the "oh hell no." in the past three school days (friday, monday, tuesday) i have seen three separate occurances of SLOUCH SOCKS! serously!? slouch socks? friday, it was a male student who was wearing red slouch socks with red basketball shorts and hi-top sneakers. what? monday it was a female student wearing a jean skirt with not one, but two pairs of slouch socks, one pink and one yellow--and they were in the opposite order on each leg, a la 1990. today, it was another female student with her jeans tucked into her white slouch socks. OH HELL NO are slouch socks back in style. i understand that retro is in and all, but the early 90's?? just because it's old doesn't mean it's okay to rerun.
friday i was walking around my classroom while my students worked in groups and i was looking at their belongings (snooping) and noticed that one girls binder was like this: a picture of she and her friends with something about "BFF" and the following phrase: "Best friends forever. Roll together, live together, shop together, die together." DIE TOGETHER?? they're a bunch of spoiled white girls, not tupac!!!!
i saw a girl in the hallway today wearing a cute little outfit that consisted of jeans, a little pink shirt and these adorable pink pointy-toed pumps. here's the funny part--she obviously couldn't walk in the shoes. i wanted to pull her aside and say, "listen, the key is practice. and if your feet hurt, don't let it show. just keep walking like those are the most comfortable shoes you've ever had on your feet." if i learned nothing else from chelsea hampton, it was that i wear my shoes. they don't wear me.
i really want a milkshake. good things it's bed time soon.
Friday, September 09, 2005
just to prove that i really do have a job
i took pictures of my classroom today--pics of the apartment to follow later this weekend. i promise i'll write a real post tomorrow. i'm just too lazy today.
***when i got home from work, the temp was only at 89.9 degrees. now it's 82. i'm seriously planning on taking a jacket to the football game.
***when i got home from work, the temp was only at 89.9 degrees. now it's 82. i'm seriously planning on taking a jacket to the football game.
the view of my classroom from the door. this is what my students see as they enter my classroom each day. i'm sure it brings warm fuzzies to their cold, underused hearts. i would like to point out that, unlike my high school and college experiences, the desks are built for both right- and left-handed students. thankyouverymuch.
my whiteboard. this was on it when i got the room, so i kept it. i can write my objectives, the activities for the day, and the little bastards' homework up there each day. because i'm a teacher. here's the good thing about whiteboards: no embarrassing, accidental chalk handprints on one's arse. anyone from webo who remembers mrs. harris will understand what i mean.
these are all the accoutrements of my classroom: wardrobe, filing cabinets, bookshelves, extra table, tv. the wardrobe is empty except for a few extra boxes of kleenex, a long sleeved shirt in case i get cold (old habits die hard), and my purse during the day. the dark cabinet is all key club stuff and needs to be cleaned out in the worst way imaginable. the boxes are extra books that i have yet to put on my shelves. i think i'm going to be rearranging my room soon, so that stuff will be fun to move.
this is my sad, sad attempt at a bulletin board. they're all fun facts and i have pictures to accompany, but i haven't gotten around to buying colored ink, even though i drive past an office depot AND an office max each day. who's lazy? i think we all understand now why i'm not an elementary school teacher.
these are the posters i bought at learning is fun--they were the only posters that would possibly work with upper-level students. another new teacher down the hall has the same set. that's student work all around them (which is good, because that wall was big, white, and terrible before that). i know that harry wong, fred jones, and heather schilling are all proud of me.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
stupid spam
okay, just so you know: from now on when you comment (and comment you will) on my blog, you have to type in a word that you'll see on the screen because i've started getting spam comments (see the first two under the posting "lies! its all lies!"). i'm sorry for the extra step, because i know it's annoying, but so is spam.
i realized (thanks Heidi) that many of you may not know my address. i was going to post it on my blog, and then the safety part of my brain told me that might not be the best idea ever, so if you would like my address, let me know and i'll send it to you. please send me lots of stuff. good things to send include but are not limited to: money, flowers, new cars, a robot to cleam my house, a robot to grade papers, lots of movies, a personal trainer, and a naked orlando bloom. (a naked vin diesel would suffice if orlando bloom is otherwise unavailable).
last week, i had my students read the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann in class (thanks Ms. Sharpe), and then afterwards, they drew a picture of their favorite image from the poem. some of them were crap (mine) but some were actually really good. there was one which illustrated the quote "gracefully surrendering the things of youth" and had a hand pushing a way a box of kid's toys: crayons, a teddy bear, etc. but here's the one that absolutely cracked me up: one of the lines from the poem is "be yourself." several students illustrated this rather well. one girl, however, did not. she drew a picture of someone standing outside of the mall surrounded by Gap bags. i almost laughed out loud when i saw it. "Be yourself, but only as long as you can do so while wearning name-brand clothing. aren't high schoolers grand?
it's still strange to hear myself called "ms. nolan." i should be used to it by now, but i'm just not. more often than not, i want to giggle when someone says that, but i usually hold myself in check. even funnier is when i get called mrs. nolan. just checking--did i get married recently to someone in my family? i didn't think so. good.
someone was really thinking when they designed palo verder high school. each department has its own lounge. within said lounge (at least in ours) is an office for the department chair, tables, a fridge and microwave, couches, two copy machines, water fountians, a sink, two bathrooms, and the bookroom. it's amazing!!
so anyway, today we were sitting in the workroom (why we call it that instead of the lounge i can't say) eating lunch and the creative writing teacher was saying that she heard a rumor that someone was complaining because "all they do is write in that class!" we all thought it was hysterical (english teacher humor) and she said she was going to make an announcement about it during class. upon hearing this, i (always ready with the witty retort) replied by saying, "tell them that it's not called 'creative discussion' for a reason," after which everyone begain offering other possible class names (including but not limited to: creative sleeping, creative staring out the window, etc.)
i took an IQ test this weekend (the internet really takes my procrastination to a whole new level) and i discovered that i'm not the mensa candidate i always hoped i was. *sigh* and here i thought i just wasn't living up to my potential all these years. some of those questions are wikked hard too! those of you who know me (and if you don't know me, why are you reading my blog you freak!) won't be surprised to find out that i had the most trouble with the spatial reasoning questions. this did not come as a shock to me, as i have no spatial reasoning skills (you should see me try and arrange furniture--what a disaster). i did do well on the verbal reasoning, and was linked to the likes of plato and...some other people. for the low low price of $9.95, i could have gotten a complete breakdown of my scores, but i decided not to.
i had the worst frappacino ever today. my blended coffee drink was not quite as blended as one might hope. jerks.
there are picketers in front of the walmart grocery store (i know, right?) in my neighborhood and i feel guilty every time i go in there to shop, because i know that the walmart corporation is a greedy, selfish, uncaring business, but it's so cheap!!! and i know that they achieve those low prices by not paying their employees enough, BUT IT'S SO CHEAP!!! stupid guilt.
i found out something not-so-fun today: there is a new teacher training (or new teacher torture, as one of the administrators calls it) on saturday october 8. now thursday, october 6 is my birthday (shameless birthday plug), which means that i can't go out on my birthday because it's a school night. but, i can't go out on friday night because i have to get up early to go to the training. and it lasts all day--9:00 am to 3:30 pm. and i can't go out saturday night because sunday is church... maybe i'll go to saturday night church. but still, they've ruined my birthday weekend. stupid ccsd.
i should go now. i have a whole heap o' grading to do tonight.
i realized (thanks Heidi) that many of you may not know my address. i was going to post it on my blog, and then the safety part of my brain told me that might not be the best idea ever, so if you would like my address, let me know and i'll send it to you. please send me lots of stuff. good things to send include but are not limited to: money, flowers, new cars, a robot to cleam my house, a robot to grade papers, lots of movies, a personal trainer, and a naked orlando bloom. (a naked vin diesel would suffice if orlando bloom is otherwise unavailable).
last week, i had my students read the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann in class (thanks Ms. Sharpe), and then afterwards, they drew a picture of their favorite image from the poem. some of them were crap (mine) but some were actually really good. there was one which illustrated the quote "gracefully surrendering the things of youth" and had a hand pushing a way a box of kid's toys: crayons, a teddy bear, etc. but here's the one that absolutely cracked me up: one of the lines from the poem is "be yourself." several students illustrated this rather well. one girl, however, did not. she drew a picture of someone standing outside of the mall surrounded by Gap bags. i almost laughed out loud when i saw it. "Be yourself, but only as long as you can do so while wearning name-brand clothing. aren't high schoolers grand?
it's still strange to hear myself called "ms. nolan." i should be used to it by now, but i'm just not. more often than not, i want to giggle when someone says that, but i usually hold myself in check. even funnier is when i get called mrs. nolan. just checking--did i get married recently to someone in my family? i didn't think so. good.
someone was really thinking when they designed palo verder high school. each department has its own lounge. within said lounge (at least in ours) is an office for the department chair, tables, a fridge and microwave, couches, two copy machines, water fountians, a sink, two bathrooms, and the bookroom. it's amazing!!
so anyway, today we were sitting in the workroom (why we call it that instead of the lounge i can't say) eating lunch and the creative writing teacher was saying that she heard a rumor that someone was complaining because "all they do is write in that class!" we all thought it was hysterical (english teacher humor) and she said she was going to make an announcement about it during class. upon hearing this, i (always ready with the witty retort) replied by saying, "tell them that it's not called 'creative discussion' for a reason," after which everyone begain offering other possible class names (including but not limited to: creative sleeping, creative staring out the window, etc.)
i took an IQ test this weekend (the internet really takes my procrastination to a whole new level) and i discovered that i'm not the mensa candidate i always hoped i was. *sigh* and here i thought i just wasn't living up to my potential all these years. some of those questions are wikked hard too! those of you who know me (and if you don't know me, why are you reading my blog you freak!) won't be surprised to find out that i had the most trouble with the spatial reasoning questions. this did not come as a shock to me, as i have no spatial reasoning skills (you should see me try and arrange furniture--what a disaster). i did do well on the verbal reasoning, and was linked to the likes of plato and...some other people. for the low low price of $9.95, i could have gotten a complete breakdown of my scores, but i decided not to.
i had the worst frappacino ever today. my blended coffee drink was not quite as blended as one might hope. jerks.
there are picketers in front of the walmart grocery store (i know, right?) in my neighborhood and i feel guilty every time i go in there to shop, because i know that the walmart corporation is a greedy, selfish, uncaring business, but it's so cheap!!! and i know that they achieve those low prices by not paying their employees enough, BUT IT'S SO CHEAP!!! stupid guilt.
i found out something not-so-fun today: there is a new teacher training (or new teacher torture, as one of the administrators calls it) on saturday october 8. now thursday, october 6 is my birthday (shameless birthday plug), which means that i can't go out on my birthday because it's a school night. but, i can't go out on friday night because i have to get up early to go to the training. and it lasts all day--9:00 am to 3:30 pm. and i can't go out saturday night because sunday is church... maybe i'll go to saturday night church. but still, they've ruined my birthday weekend. stupid ccsd.
i should go now. i have a whole heap o' grading to do tonight.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
lies! it's all lies!
i'm watching TV as i write this (gilmore girls, to be exact) and a hamburger helper commercial came on. i wasn't really paying attention until the commercial proceeded to call its product "hearty and home cooked." now, i'm not julia child, and i understand that, but hearty?! hamburger helper?! and i'm pretty sure that calling it "home cooked" is a fairly huge stretch. browning hamburger and adding water and noodles does not count as home cooked. now, if the perso had made the noodles and sauce from scratch, then we'd talk. and if by hearty they mean "greasy, starchy, and completely devoid of any vegetables," i guess that's pretty accurate.
here's a fun story. last week, one of my students informed me that the previous evening, one of the teachers/coaches at Palo Verde H.S. had been arrested. turns out, one of the new teachers (paul buboltz from MN) was arrested for manslauter!!! i guess he'd worked at as a bouncer at a bar in wisconsin this past summer and while trying to detain a rowdy 'un, had accidentally killed the guy. here's the thing though, the people in wisconsin didn't press charges until last week, which is why he got hired (the school district does about a million background checks on new hires). once they found him, they came out here and arrested him.
today one of my students was complaining because his desk has a big chunk missing out of the corner. in my always kind, loving, and understanding way, i told him to get over it and stop complaining. he muttered something about "living in summerlin (one of the richest parts of vegas) and couldn't they afford a new desk" so i told him if he had that much money lying around he could just buy a new one himself. i don't think he appreciated that...
i didn't sleep well last night. nerves. today was my first day of real teaching. last week was pretend teaching--going over rules and course expectations, pretesting, etc. today was the first day i actually taught a lesson on the curriculum. it went alright i think. but this might not be making the most sense in the world, so if that's the case, blame it on the tiredness. the hamburger helper commercial was on again a minute ago.
gilmore girls is an amazing show. i wish i'd watched it from the beginning. now i catch it haphazardly in syndication on abc family. i wore heels today. not my best idea ever.
so. yeah. i have to go grade essays. i think i'll waste some more time watching tv before i start on those. might as well put them off as long as possible.
here's a fun story. last week, one of my students informed me that the previous evening, one of the teachers/coaches at Palo Verde H.S. had been arrested. turns out, one of the new teachers (paul buboltz from MN) was arrested for manslauter!!! i guess he'd worked at as a bouncer at a bar in wisconsin this past summer and while trying to detain a rowdy 'un, had accidentally killed the guy. here's the thing though, the people in wisconsin didn't press charges until last week, which is why he got hired (the school district does about a million background checks on new hires). once they found him, they came out here and arrested him.
today one of my students was complaining because his desk has a big chunk missing out of the corner. in my always kind, loving, and understanding way, i told him to get over it and stop complaining. he muttered something about "living in summerlin (one of the richest parts of vegas) and couldn't they afford a new desk" so i told him if he had that much money lying around he could just buy a new one himself. i don't think he appreciated that...
i didn't sleep well last night. nerves. today was my first day of real teaching. last week was pretend teaching--going over rules and course expectations, pretesting, etc. today was the first day i actually taught a lesson on the curriculum. it went alright i think. but this might not be making the most sense in the world, so if that's the case, blame it on the tiredness. the hamburger helper commercial was on again a minute ago.
gilmore girls is an amazing show. i wish i'd watched it from the beginning. now i catch it haphazardly in syndication on abc family. i wore heels today. not my best idea ever.
so. yeah. i have to go grade essays. i think i'll waste some more time watching tv before i start on those. might as well put them off as long as possible.
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